The child in you still equates commitment with being locked into a situation where there is no escape.

You may have been smothered, not allowed to separate from your family in appropriate ways.

Expand your sources of nourishment to non-people source: pets, nature, creativity.

Merging is a state of extreme dependency. Not having a strong enough sense of your own identity, you confuse your thoughts, feelings, and needs with those of others.

A strong relationship is made up of two individuals sharing together. For that you need an independent self.

You may be fear getting hurt or hurting someone else. Conflict is normal and inevitable. It's a basic part of intimacy.

In a sense, anger is the ultimate intimacy.

As an adult you need to work toward being able to give people what they need, when they need it.

You become capable of stepping outside yourself to meet the other person halfway.

But now, receiving doesn't have to mean owing something back.

If you are in a healing crisis: If you can't give quality attention, at least apologize. If you can't give fully, give what you can.

The demands of healing will still be hard on your partner and friends.

Relationships that lack life, inhibit trust, or are simply boring are unfulfilling. Then you must question the nature of that relationship.

You can forgive yourself for not knowing better in the past.

Many are so attached to their partners that the relationship is more of an addiction than a freely chosen partnership.

" A condition of chronic dependency, a state that keeps us from self fulfillment and personal freedom."

But relationships can be worthwhile even if they are short or don't give you everything you need.

Fun is not an optional part of the healing process. It's one of it's chief rewards.