"I am a beautiful, deserving human being. Just because I'm breathing, I deserve love. Just because I'm human. I don't have to do anything."
Whenever one of us says something self-hating, that doesn't reflect our healthiest, most adult self, the other one lovingly interrupts the conversation with our secret word "Tomato!"
If I start to say "Oh, it'll never work out. I couldn't possibly do that, " she yells out, "Tomato! Tomato! " ...Until I give it up and start laughing.
Many survivors have not known how to define their own time, to protect their bodies, to put themselves first, to say no.
"I've always given my time over to whoever asked for it. It makes me ridiculously easy to get along with."
As you say no to other people you start to say yes to yourself...although it's sometimes scary to say no.
You get more of what you want, more of the time. You don't feel like a victim. You experience more confidence, power, and self-respect. Your self-esteem will rise.
Try approaching your life from your center rather than from external considerations. Try putting aside your father's expectations.
To improve your self-esteem, it's essential that you stop doing things that you don't feel proud of and start doing things you can respect and admire.
You can visualize yourself in a healthy relationship or even having fun.
Try making a list of all the things you do well.
Make another list of things you like about yourself.
"There were parts of me that I liked when I was young. Now I've reclaimed them. I have a certain boldness. I was the boldest woman I knew. There was a time when I was afraid of what people would say, and now I don't give a damn."
It's easy to feel that all you are is a person who has been sexually abused. You're in therapy, going to survivors meetings, crying, raging, struggling with your partner, breaking addictions, reading, talking and dreaming of sexual abuse.
Taking breaks can help you see that you are more than a reaction to abuse...that abuse issues still do not gobble up every bit of your life.
It's necessary to structure your life so that you are in contact with people who respect you, who understand and take you seriously. This is what you did not have as a child.
It's important to stop being with people who make you feel bad about yourself.
Consider yourself valuable enough to be discriminating about who you relate to.
There are a million ways to nurture yourself. Choose things that make you feel good and do them often . "I love movies. I've been exercising more."
Say "I like you...just the way you are."