The reality that you were precious, that you deserved love, that you were capable, that you were okay just the way you were, was denied to you as a child.
Instead, you were abused. You were left feeling dirty, somehow at fault.
A nagging voice tells you you didn't do enough, you didn't do it right, you don't deserve it.
You may feel good about yourself most of the time, self-critical feelings lying dormant...until you have some kind of setback.
You stop dating someone because you decide that person isn't good for you, and instead of feeling proud of yourself for setting limits, you feel abandoned, sure you'll never love again.
Often feelings of shame, powerlessness, and self-hate are bottled up with the memories, and as the memories come through, these feelings do too.
Yet healing isn't just about pain. It's about learning to love yourself.
This whole book is about improving your self-esteem.
Many survivors were told that they would never amount to anything.
My mother replied, "It was just beginners luck. You'll never write another one."
Even if you weren't given such messages directly, the very fact that you were abused taught you that you were powerless, alone, not worthy of protection or love.
If you were ignored or neglected, your basic value was denied. You learned you were undeserving, unable to have an impact in the world.
When our own worth is negated often enough, we begin to believe there's something wrong with us.
As a result of these childhood messages, you may believe that you're only good for sex, that you're unlovable, that nothing you do matters, or even that you don't deserve to live.
"Survivors were programmed to self-destruct."
While you may think such thoughts come without cause, the fact is that they are always sparked by something.
"Struggle is my middle name. The basic pleasures other people enjoy companionship, relaxation, fun have always seemed out of reach to me. I know I'm really meant to be alone."
"Why should I get money or recognition or stability? My achievements only bring me up to zero "
"I never wanted more than survival."
"I was never in my body long enough to know what I wanted."