People who are living out the patterns you're trying to break will continually suck you back in. Respect the power of influence.
Make a list of what you would have to face in life if you actually healed (like giving up your image that you are a loser).
You just do it anyway. You do it afraid. You do it nervous, awkwardly. You shake or sweat. You are not graceful or composed, but you do it.
The "I can't stand it anymore "feeling means you're close to the change you're working so hard to achieve.
You are scared, you vacillate, you collect all your strength and courage, and somehow you manage to do what you set out to do. Then, as soon as it's over, you jump in with "OK, what's next? " (Workaholism)
(Poetry) "I cut and splice the circuitry of my brain. I change".