You were punished when someone did find out.
If you said anything, you may have been told you made up horrible lies.
The subject was never discussed, giving you the message that it was too terrible to talk about.
Thinking that you were bad, that you had some influence on how you were treated, gave you a sense of control, though illusory.
Your well-being and sometimes your very life was in danger.
If there was no hope that the people whose job was to love and protect you would do so, where could you turn?
Recognizing that you are not to blame means accepting the fact that the people you love did not have your best interests at heart.
We blame ourselves because we took money, gifts or special privileges.
We should be commended for taking what we could get in that wasteland.
Every child needs attention. Every child needs affection. If these are not offered in healthy, non-sexual ways, children will take them in whatever ways they can, because they are essential needs.
You may also have felt some degree of pleasurable feelings. For many, this aspect of the abuse is one of the most difficult.
It is natural to have had sexual feelings, and that even if you had sexual responses to the abuse and those responses felt good, it still doesn't mean that you were responsible in anyway.
Our bodies are created to respond to stimulation.
"It's taken a lot of self-love to overcome the shame... Anger helped me get over the shame."
When children are abused, their capacity to say no and set limits is severely damaged.
If your boundaries have always been violated, then it is unfair to expect yourself to be able to set them all of a sudden.
If someone with more power is pressuring you into a sexual relationship, then you are being abused.
A key sign of healing is that your shame becomes less.
Speaking publicly is a powerful way to transform shame into a feeling of personal effectiveness and power.
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