When your family repeatedly called you crazy or a liar...
A mother who said, "But honey, we had to stay with him."
Few get support or validation from family members.
You still must believe yourself.
"The grandfather I had revered and loved. I remembered all the wonderful things he did. That he had abused me was out of the question! It couldn't be!"
Denial gives you a respite when you cannot bear to align yourself with that small, wounded child for another minute. It allows you to go to work, to make breakfast for your kids. It's a survival skill that enables you to set a pace you can handle.
Classic symptoms of sexual abuse feeling suicidal, running away, a high pain tolerance, spacing out, not being able to succeed at anything, denial, always being isolated.
It was only once Emily broke off all communication with her family and established a consistent relationship with a skilled therapist who believed her that she stopped doubting herself and got on with her recovery.
"I need a disproportionate amount of control in relationships"
"I knew it was wreaking havoc in my life and in the lives of my lovers. "
It counts if it keeps you from being close to another person. It counts if it's devastated your life, if you're missing a part of yourself. Even if it only happened once, it counts.
"But now I know there was only one child and that she lived through it all"
"Incest has had so much to do with being silenced and silencing myself."
Under ideal circumstances, you would've been believed, protected, and assured that the abuse wasn't your fault.
If you abuser was a family member, he would've been the one sent away, not you.
More likely, you were threatened, blamed, or called a liar. You were accused of "asking for it"...
Telling frequently ignites the wrath of the abuser.
Families often go on as if nothing happened, never mentioning it. In that case, children get the message that their experience is too horrible. And, by implication, that they are too horrible.
They become depressed, take drugs, or engage in self-destructive behaviors.
"It took a long time for me to get rid of that self-hate"