Working the Steps In PrayerCall...
Step 1 - I admit I am powerless over my sex addiction-that my life has become unmanageable.
Powerlessness:
1. How many times and in how many ways have I tried to stop or control my sex addiction?
2. How have I been dishonest with others and myself and how have I tried to hide these behaviors?
3. How have I tried to justify, rationalize or explain my behaviors to others and myself?
Unmanageability:
How has my addiction affected the following aspects of my life?
. 1) My feelings?
. 2) My physical/mental health?
. 3) My spirituality?
. 4) My relationship with myself (integrity, self-respect and self-esteem)?
. 5) My relationships with family and friends?
. 6) My finances/career/education?
Hitting Bottom - What specific event in my life has convinced me that I’ve hit bottom and that I cannot continue to live as I have been living?
Step 2 - Came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity.
If God is really who God claims to be, and can do what God claims God can do, then what I want to do is imagine what it would be like if I were actually restored to sanity.
How would my life look? I’m very specific.
I give God the benefit of the doubt, and let myself be creative with my hope.
What do I hope my life would look like if I were restored to sanity around?
. 1) My feelings?
. 2) My physical health/mental health?
. 3) My spirituality?
. 4) My relationship with myself (integrity, self-respect and self-esteem?
. 5) My relationships with family and friends?
. 6) My finances/career/education?
Step 3…and Step 3 and 1/2 - Made a decision to turn my will and life over to the care of God, as I understood God….and I do God’s Will.
Having become honest with my powerlessness and hopeful about my sanity, in steps One and Two, I then need to look at what is my part in being restored to sanity.
So, I look back at my Second Step listings of what I hope for in my life and make a list of three things to I’m willing to stop doing, and make a list of three things I am willing to start doing, that will help me realize the hopes I have for my life.
Examples of stopping: I am willing to stop masturbating, stop smoking and stop taking drugs.
Examples of starting: I am willing to start going to meetings every day, contacting my sponsor every day, and doing cardio five days a week.
Step 3 1/2- I do God’s will.
After I’ve surrendered my life and will over to the care of God I then decide to do God’s will which is most clearly stated in the Slogans.
Here are few examples:
One Day At A Time
Be Gentle With Yourself
Live and Let Live
Be grateful
Keep It Simple
Easy Does It
Keep coming back
H.A.L.T (Don't get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired)
Take care of yourself
Let Go and Let God
Act with Courage
Be content
Just Breathe
Lighten Up
Three hours at a time
Choose three Slogans which speak to you and write out exactly how you are going to start doing God’s Will in your life.
Step 4: Made a fearless and searching moral inventory of ourselves
There are two main spiritual resources to use when doing a Fourth Step: the Big Book and the AA 12x12.
The Big Book says, very simply, make three lists.
First, make a list of the people that you have resentments towards.
Resentment comes from the French verb "Sentire" which means to feel.
So to "Re-sentire" means to "re-feel".
Anyone in your life that, when you think about them, you feel hurt or angry, over and over again, including and especially yourself, goes on this list.
Secondly, a Fears list. It can be anything from not having enough money, fear of losing a job, not passing an exam, concern over a child's health and welfare or just simply…fear of dying old and alone.
Thirdly, a list of selfish sexual behavior. This includes any sexual behavior you may feel shame or guilt about in your life.
Simply making these three lists, if they are fearless and thorough, will let you know 1) who and what you hate 2) where you are not acting courageously 3) where you have been selfish.
Alternately, to take the Fourth Step using the AA 12x12 ask yourself:
“What has been right and what has been wrong, with respect to my primary instincts for sex, security and society?” (p. 50 AA 12X12).
Just ask yourself what have I done right or wrong sexually in my life.
What have I done right or wrong regarding the need for love or money?
What have I done right or wrong regarding wanting to be successful?
Either method works. Just be fearless and thorough…
Step Five - Admitted to God, ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs
I ask a safe person to listen to me while I share the things I have done wrong in my life.
It takes time to do this step, usually two or three hours, but the relief of the guilt and/or the shame is enormous and well worth the time.
Step Six - Were entirely ready to have God remove these defects of character
To take Step Six I make two lists on a single document.
On the left side, I write a character asset that has helped me.
On the right side, I write a character defect that has hurt me.
Here are mine:
Assets: Defects:
Courage Pridefulness
Honesty Dishonesty
Willingness Selfishness
Strength Obsessiveness
Humor Extremity
It is as simple as that...
Step Seven - Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings
After I determine what my character defects are I humbly pray for God to remove these defects...continually.
I simply pray " HP, I am entirely ready for you remove this defect of character of ______ and I humble ask you to remove this shortcoming"
This step usually takes two or three months of very persistent prayer to really see any lasting results.
Step Eight- Made a list of all the persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
Any person that you have been sexual with where emotional intimacy was not present and primary, and where there was no coupleship commitment belongs on this list.
Step Nine-Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
To make direct amends to another person, I call the person I’ve harmed (after I’ve gotten clearance from my sponsor) and request to meet in person, and say, “I was doing the wrong thing when I was being sexual with you, I admit it, I am sorry and I make direct amends to you.”
Step Ten, Eleven and Twelve…The Maintenance Steps
Step Ten- Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it
I have defects in my character like arrogance, dishonesty, selfishness, extremity and obsessiveness, cowardice (acting on fear) and hate (acting on resentment) which in turn lead me to harming myself and other innocent people.
So, every night I take a two or three sentence sexual inventory about my behavior that day.
I can also do this anytime during the day when I feel off balance.
Step Eleven- Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry it out.
In 12 step we say that “Prayer is talking to God and meditation is listening to God”.
Three examples of 12 Step prayers that are worthy of memorizing:
3rd Step Prayer
God, I offer myself to Thee, to build with me, and do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of Life. May I do Thy will always!
7th Step Prayer
My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, healthy and unhealthy. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character, which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding.
11th Step Prayer
Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace. Where there is hatred let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; where there is sadness, joy. O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console, to be understood as to understand, to be loved as to love; for it is in giving that we receive, it is in pardoning that we are pardoned, and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
Very related to prayer, the best suggestions on meditation is from the AA 12x12:
“We remember, and repeat to ourselves, a particular prayer or phrase that has appealed to us in our reading or meditation....Just saying it over and over”
Some very useful 12 Step phrases to meditate on are:
Let Go and Let God
Easy Does it
One Day at A Time
(See Full B Office for complete list)
In the digital age, a simple way to practice Step 11 is to go to daily meetings at ActWithCourage.com and simply listen to the readings.
The ultimate goal of meditation is to feel/know my soul, because as Gandhi says “The soul is immortal”, and when I realize that there is a part of me that is actually eternal...it completely revolutionizes how I look at my physical life.
The best way to do this is by counting my breaths and focus on my solar plexus. Socrates says that’s where your soul is, and who knows...he’s probably right.
Step #12- Having had a spiritual awakening, as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other sex addicts and to practice these principles in all our affairs
Step Twelve has three parts:
A) Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps
This just means I can " do, feel or believe that which I couldn't " before I started recovery
B) I try to carry this message to other sex addicts
Carrying the message of recovery to other sex addicts is the most satisfying act that I have experienced in my life. This is the point in recovery when I begin to feel "Happy, joyous and free".
C) I practice these principles in all my affairs:
These are the specific principles behind each of the 12 steps
1. Honesty
2. Hope
3. Faith
4. Courage
5. Integrity
6. Willingness
7. Humility
8. Brotherly Love
9. Discipline
10. Perseverance
11. Awareness of God
12. Service
Note that in the Big Book, Third edition p. 410, there is a line that rings out through 12-step literature:
“Enlightened self-interest”.
This is extremely different from selfishness, because taking care of myself is an act service, too…an act of service to myself.
Simply, it’s getting my needs met for:
food, clothing and shelter
safety (physical, emotional and financial)
love and belonging
esteem from others, and for myself...
These are the most basic forms of loving myself.
HP also wants me to meet my needs for:
contentment
creativity
and highest and lastly... to find peace of mind through knowing my soul
The following link is Steve D.'s application of the above Twelve steps on Caffeine/Food.