Sex Addiction - Obsessive/compulsive sexual activity that negatively impacts other parts of the addicts’ life...or other people's lives. The compulsiveness can be expressed in many ways. Possibilities are through the use of masturbation, promiscuity, affairs, multiple partners, anonymous sex, sex in public places, strip clubs, lingerie parlors, prostitution, child molestation, rape, pornography, x-rated bookstores, voyeurism, exhibitionism, orgies and porn theaters... but are not limited to these.
Relationship Addiction - An expression of powerlessness in the inability to leave or stay out of self-destructive relationships. The sexual or romantic aspects of the relationship may not be highlighted. It is the clinging to stay in a current relationship or the clawing to get into a new relationship that characterizes this addiction. The solution here is 12-step recovery with an emphasis on multiple, healthy, non-sexual, intimate friendships to fill the unmet needs for family that the addict experiences.
Love addiction - An obsessive/compulsive need to satisfy the desire to feel whole or complete through using the presence of another person. When there is a feeling of “oceanic one-ness” in the beloved’s presence and a corresponding sense of doom, futility, pointlessness and despair at the prospect of never “having” the love object then love addiction is present. There may be no “relationship” in the conventional sense and there may not even be sexuality present. 12-step recovery works here, too, but the emphasis needs to be on learning how to love yourself thoroughly before you love others.
Romance Addiction - An obsessive/compulsive need to be excited by romantic, though not necessarily sexual or relational, activities. Endless series of brief relationships, inability to commit, self-destructive pursuit of the manic, fantastic and chaotic “relationships” as well as the demand that the “ideal perfect partner” be found characterize this addiction.
Intrigue - The transmission of sexual information or energy to see if the other person is available sexually. Sexual innuendo, double entendre, sexual jokes or simply bringing the topic of sex to the conversation. In its more subtle forms intrigue can be accomplished with eye contact, body language or intentional contact with someone who ‘triggers’ you.
Objectifying - Viewing another person as the object of personal sexual gratification. Also called "body parting" or "rubbernecking".
Fantasy - The use of memories of previous sexual experiences or the use of imagination to create sexual fantasies for the stimulation of sexual arousal. It is frequently, but not always, accompanied by masturbation.
Healthy Sexuality – Most of us believe that a healthy sexuality is characterized by commitment, love and intimacy.
Intimacy - The ability to share feelings, desires, needs, thoughts, attitudes and beliefs honestly and openly with another person; with yourself; or with a Higher Power
Commitment - a willingness to stay with a partner and work through pain and problems regardless of how you may feel. There is a limit to this commitment and that is when staying with a partner is clearly detrimental to oneself spiritually.
Love - actions, words and thoughts that are characterized by gentleness, positiveness and acceptance.
Spirituality - We define this for ourselves but a temporary definition might be-actions, thoughts, attitudes and beliefs that create and sustain healthy relationships with ourselves, others and perhaps a Higher Power.
Higher Power - The belief that there is a “Power greater than oneself”-if only the power of the collective wisdom of the group, which can be helpful when you are powerless.
Celibacy Period - a time of complete abstinence from all sexual behavior including masturbation and sex with a partner. This is initially designed to determine exactly what behaviors you are addicted to.
Chastity - Celibacy accompanied by no fantasizing, objectifying, intriguing, or any other activity which would arouse one’s own or another’s lust.
The Twelve Steps - A program designed to replace the addiction by attaining a spiritual (not a religious) awakening brought on by:
• Admitting powerlessness, believing there is help and accepting it (Steps 1,2,3)
• Becoming aware of one’s inventory and sharing it (Steps 4&5)
• Becoming aware of and developing one’s character. (Steps 6&7)
• Becoming aware of one’s harms and rectifying them (Steps 8&9)
• Maintaining the spiritual awakening by personal inventory, prayer and service (Steps 10, 11, 12)