Rule 62.5.0
Step 9
Christmas Eve 2021
Dear “Wife” (You had me at Hello),
While there is something specific I would like to make amends to you for, if you ever felt reasonably safe and comfortable talking again (I promise not to ask to see you again), I need to ask you for something:
You used to ask me what it was that I liked about you, and I am sure that what you were looking for was your spirituality, your perspicacity, your adroitness of gift giving or snappy dressing, but, being a 12 stepper kinda guy, I told you the truth and said it was your beauty and youth.
You are eleven years younger than me and, as hard as it is to believe that that was a real gift to me, it was a gift that I had never experienced before (ask some of your straight guy friends, they’ll tell you).
I guess I overshot the mark and two years ago married a girl thirty-eight years younger than me and now I have a two year old son named “Gummy”, short for Gummy Bear…cause he is so sweet.
(I remember the time you went to a wedding and all your family took pictures with their ex’s and we laughed till we cried about who was going up or down relationally)
The woman I married is a Filipino and, in 1519, Magellan and his roving Spanish Conquistadors conquered their country and gave them a choice
“ Believe that Jesus Christ is the only Son of God…or we will take away all your white rice and starve you into submission”.
As a result, to this day, the Philippines is 94% Christian. They love their white rice…
While I had known Alona for five years, through Father Malachy, (who you might remember that I dragged you and Jennifer to see sing a ten second solo on Easter Day at 4:00 am at monastery in Conyers, Ga.) I flew to meet her in May of 2017.
Like the morning you and I finally met (after 8 years of peeking at you surreptitiously across the room), at the 7:00 am Sunday OA meeting and you came up to me and said “I had a dream about you last night”, I knew the second time I looked at her that this was God opening a door for me.
While I packed a bag for 5 days, I stayed in Southeast Asia 16 months, obtained a Fiancee Visa (during the Trump years) and we we got back and had exactly 90 days to get married before they shoved her on a boat and deported her.
My first marriage was to a Catholic girl, Jennifer’s mom, and it was easy for the Catholic Church to process an annulment for her…but our marriage, with your mama being Jewish, required more paperwork than was possible in 90 days, so we had a civil wedding on the steps of City Hall.
While I have absolutely no right to ask you for anything (You putting up with me for 5 years alone would qualify you for sainthood) I am asking you to forgive me for whatever harm I have done you and to help me give the gift of a proper Catholic marriage to my “Wife”.
PS: The thing I miss most about our marriage…is the Fig
Steve D.
415-515-5710
Steve@SteveDukes.com
Rule # 62.5.1
Step 9
Thursday, December 23, 2021
Bri,
I thought about you this morning at 4 AM when I started my daily 4 hour guitar practicing that I launched into 14 months ago.
For seven years I’ve tried to offer you free guitar lessons to say thank you for the many years of pro bono work you’ve done to save me from all the trouble my big mouth gets me in.
I know that you’ve been working on an exit plan for retirement from the law, so I’ve just accepted that that was your priority.
As your teacher though, I remember 20 years ago, this next February, you saying “I never want to let my guitar playing go”…but, you have.
The other thing on my mind was when we fought Patrick last and you needed to move to paid for services you quoted $5000 and we negotiated it to $1500.
While we agreed, something doesn’t feel right about that. I need to make that right, for me.
I’ve taken the last 21 months off during Covid, but last week I raised my rates to $300/lesson and went back to work.
There is a catch. For right now, I’m only teaching Jazz. It turns out, that’s something you know absolutely nothing about… And I’d like to change that.
Please consider reading the first few pages of the new book I’m writing https://stevedukes.com/jazz-improvisation/
If you think it might be fun, funny and might stimulate a return to your guitar playing, consider taking 15 lessons with me over the next year and a half before you blow town… And we’ll call it even.
My second wife was Israeli and she used to say “There’s always a way to make a deal”.
Steve D.