Rule # 62.3.7

“Love means never having to say you’re sorry.”
Love Story
Eric Segal

Baloney!…

In one of my top 10 favorite movies, Disney’s “Lion King”, the baby lion says to the daddy lion “When I get to be king I’m gonna tell everybody what to do”. His father laughs at him…gently.

My experience in leadership has taught me that, most of the time, it’s necessary to say “I’m sorry”. When your make mistakes, of course.

But, more often, when you are guiding properly and lovingly, and someone feels hurt at your direction, even though it’s best for them, you and the group… It can still feel hurtful, initially.

It’s important that you own the impact of what you’re saying…and say it out loud.

Otherwise, people feel unheard, unimportant, that they don’t count, that they don’t matter.

So, contrary to what  Eric Siegel said in that multi-million dollar extravaganza, “Love is saying sorry, a lot”…so that people feel loved.

Just sayin’

Rule # 62.3.8

Fourth step on Jazz:

The first time I ever played jazz was Duke Ellington’s “Satin Doll”. I was 15 years old in a local dance band of 28 to 55-year-olds.

I kind of enjoyed the harmonic complexity. But, then I learned “Girl from Ipanema”, which is, socially, a unique piece of music in that it can get people from behind the dinner tables and onto the dance floor more efficaciously than any piece of music I’ve ever heard.

It is an insipid, vapid piece of uselessness, about a man objectifying some “chick “on the beach.

“Grin and bear it” was the best I could do, because I really wanted to be part of this band.

But, when we got to “ Ebb Tide”,  and the Vietnam war was at its peak, and Hendrix was doing the Star-Spangled Banner…I had had enough.

I started my own all original band called “The Looney Tunes”. My musical income dropped 90%… And my beer drinking, pot smoking and girl chasing went up 1000%.

Three years later I would land the best steadily income producing gig of my life.

I played bass in a jazz trio, at the Hyatt house, in Richmond Virginia for eight weeks, six nights a week.

We had a free shared room, half price on food and drinks, wore tuxes every night and after hours we would go to local clubs to hear fellow musicians working.

I grew up in the country, so Richmond Virginia seemed “Bright Lights, Big City”.

There was a musical hegemony in that town and the very best improvisers were all young, up and coming jazz players.

Killer Joe, Night in Tunisia, Salt Peanuts, Round Midnight, Naima… The quality of material was vastly improved. So, were the players.

But I was listening to Sam Rivers, Cecil Taylor, and Anthony Braxton…after about five weeks the sheen was wearing thin, but I sure loved being a professional…taxes and all.

After that gig, I swore I’d never play another note I didn’t believe in…and I never have. That was 46 years ago.

I’ve been carrying that hurt, blaming others and self-pity around for nearly half a century. It’s time to let it go.

I am grateful to that first band for letting some arrogant kid make enough money to buy a car, and get away from his alcoholic parents. That was a real gift.

I am grateful to that second band for giving me that opportunity to travel and work, particularly at that time. My parents had just gotten a divorce after 27 years and it shook me and hurt me more than I had the courage to be honest about.

To both band leaders… I ask you to forgive me for my petulance and my mean-spirited derision of music that you loved.

Finally… It’s always a woman.

It was a woman, that discovered Hendrix, not Chas Chandler as history reports.

It was a woman, not Sam Phillip’s, as history reports, that discovered Hendrix.

It was teaching a woman, who I care about, the music that she loves that changed my mind and opened my heart around jazz.

As of last Thursday…all I’m teaching now is jazz.

I still hate major seventh chord…and clarinets. But there will be other fourth steps.

Thanks for hearing this in there by completing my fifth step guys and girls.

Steve D.

Rule # 62.3.9

Today is 40 days of chastity for me and my wife.

Today is 6 months of chastity for The Prior (MJ)

Go Prior go!