Rule # 62.3.3

I woke up with a knot in my stomach. I realized I was angry with myself.

After 30 minutes meditation I couldn’t figure out why and decided it doesn’t matter to me. Whatever I did…I forgive myself.

Rule # 62.3.4

When my wife and I fight we go for different weapons:

I choose a verbal switchblade with which I will slit your throat and leave you in a pool of blood so psychologically injurious that you will never recover the rest of your life.

My wife…chooses pouting. These choices make sense, in that, while my parents were insane…they were reasonable.

That is, if you could show them how you were right and they were wrong…they would stop hurting you.

The old woman that raised my wife was a total lunatic who withheld food and kept my wife hostage for 14 years in a shoebox with no indoor plumbing, refrigeration or air conditioning in 112 degree heat…when she was only 10.

So, the only tool available to her was “nonviolent non-cooperation”…of course accompanied by a perpetually, petulantly pouted lip.

You can always tell on PrayerCall when we’re fighting. When asked how we’re feeling I’ll say “Self-restrained”. She will say “Boundaried”…. and you know it’s on.

Rule # 62.3.5

Step Ten on announcing limits…

I have:

stopped texting people prior to the meeting to remind them to come.

created a new prayer for the end of each PrayerCall so that I don’t have to close 28 meetings a week, myself.

reassigned two sponcees to other sponsors.

stopped taking incoming calls from anyone, except my two current, active sponcees…unless, of course, there is a life-threatening emergency, then call anytime night or day.

Alona is now the operations manager of the Act With Courage website and Gotomeeting.com. If there are any problems, text her directly (415) 652-2301)…I pay her, just above minimum wage, to manage those two areas.

I will continue to make outreach calls regularly, typically when I run (and Gummy is occupied) because service is life giving to me…so be expecting calls.

My apologies to the group, during this period of PrayerCalls growth. It’s clear to me that my job description, here, is to write new material every day.

If there are any subjects that you would like to hear Offices about contact Still Dave or Danielle and they can let me know during the administration part of their conversations with me.

Guys and girls, I’m sorry for any confusion this may have caused recently, but I hope to be more effective as your servant in the future…God willing and the creek don’t rise.

Rule # 62.3.6

When I was growing up in the 50's there was only one household where the wife worked.

They were spoken about in hushed, quiet, endangered tones. It was said that the husband was alcoholic and could not hold down a job and support his family.

They were met with a mixture of disdain and derision and or occasionally, pity. That was ten years after women had returned home from manning the factories at the end of World War II while the men were fighting and dying, and 15 years before the women’s movement brought women back into the workplace, en masse. 

With the passage of the Voting Rights Act of 1965, prohibiting racial discrimination in the polling place, American women began to speak of their interest in equal pay, equal opportunity of employment and fair access to education.

Even as a fifth grader I learned about equality…the first time a girl gave me back my “friendship” ring.

I raised my daughter by myself, since she was three, and she has seen me fight blood drenched battles for her in court five times. So...I’m all about equal rights.

But my wife and I use a different template. She believes, and I agree, that the man is the head of the household, at least in our house.

I weigh more, I’m taller, I’m faster, I’m stronger. It seems like a logical choice to go first…when there’s danger.

As my wife has a greater gift of faith, more forgiveness, and more of that most precious of qualities attainable in chastity-social resilience-than me...Gummy and I listen to her.

It's that old joke :

"Daddy who's the boss in our family?"

"Well...me, son."

"Mama just makes the decisions...and we do what she says". 

 

There is a catch. Anytime something is wrong in our home… It’s my responsibility.

When we are in conflict, being a true Al-Anon, I want her to look at her part. But that’s not our deal.

The deal is, no matter how much I believe I am right, or no matter how much hurt I feel, it’s my problem to solve the problem.

It reminds me of the old joke by Socrates: “Once made equal to man…woman becomes his superior.” And I couldn’t be happier…