PoM 98
My workaholism starts the moment I become conscious, as I wake up from my sleep.
I move from the free-floating images and thoughts of “free association” of a dream state to …“ I got to!”
I can feel the pressure on both sides of my heart. Kind of like I’m taking my two hands squeezing my heart and pressing it down into the ground.
Immediately, I begin to feel anxiety.
Why do I do this?
My parents were both alcoholics and we’re not able to esteem me.
As a consequence. I “did not have a voice”. I “was not heard “. I felt “Like I didn’t count”.
Or, more accurately, “I wasn’t there”.
When I feel anxious…I can feel myself.
So I, unconsciously, create anxiety…so that I know that I’m here.
I feel sad about that.
There is a solution: do nothing, say nothing, think nothing…and then feel.
I did that for 45 minutes this morning in bed… And it felt great.
PoM 99
Anonymity is one of the most fundamental tools in 12 step recovery.
It was originally designed to keep people safe so they could talk openly in meetings.
But, it has tremendous value as a tool for humility.
When you start getting some sobriety time under your belt, it raises your self-esteem greatly. But, it’s easy for that self-esteem to turn into ego.
Then you can start bossing people around with “selfishness-self-centeredness” doctrine, if people don’t regard your sobriety with the respect you believe you so righteously deserve.
There is nothing godly about that.
It’s important to always remain a newcomer and the best way to do that…is through anonymity so that “ we forever practice a genuine humility”, as the AA 12x12 says.
PoM 100
In FA, one of the tools of recovery is “ Writing “.
“Writing helps us see our situations more clearly and better discern any necessary action.”
“Many of us find that writing a letter to our Higher power gives us greater understanding”.
That really helps, in my experience.
PoM 101
I have to be careful not to let addiction, in any form, slip into my life.
When I do, my addiction says “ Why mess with this? SLRR is what you really like.”
God…keep me simple in my recovery.
PoM 102
I feel content and satisfied with my life tonight.
“I have never been in a situation where money made it worse”…but, He is richest who is satisfied with the least.
PoM 103
What do I need God for?
For me, because I am powerless over so many things, I need power and guidance throughout each day.
But, their is a longing in my heart for love:
“For in her is a spirit, intelligent, holy, unique”
A hunger for clarity:
“and pervading all spirits, though they be intelligent, pure and very subtle.”
I seek strength:
“She is mobile beyond all motion, and she penetrates and pervades all things by reason of her purity.”
I long for the divine:
“For she is the refulgence of eternal light, the spotless mirror of the power of God, the image of his goodness.”
And I see Her perfection:
“For she is fairer than the sun and surpasses every constellation of the stars. Compared to light, she takes precedence.”