PoM 57
We recorded six musical videos of the Lighthearted Offices last week and emailed them to 30 people.
The most glowing described it as “Uniquely Amazing”.
That is so fantastic that I’m gonna name the group that…
But, the one I was really waiting for was from a former best friend of mine.
I got him into sex addiction recovery after he got arrested in a sting operation for prostitution and then got him in to AA.
We were best friends for 10 years…Then he went back out and never came back, 10 years ago.
It broke my heart.
He was also one of the four best musicians I have ever worked with in my life.
We sent him videos, too.
He said “Thanks Steve. I like the music”.
I have basked in that complement all day.
Feels, just a touch, like wanting my Daddy’s approval…but, I guess I honestly needed some “esteem of others”.
PoM 58
When I was in eighth grade, at 13 years old, my parent’s alcoholism dramatically increased after we moved to the country.
I met a 15 year old boy who had a prayer meeting once a week in his home. It was here I was introduced to the idea of giving God all the glory and never taking any credit.
30 years later, my then oldest and best friend said “You stopped drinking…And you never gave yourself any credit”. He was right.
We are required in AA to “do our part”. We do not expect God to do everything for us.
AA says “God will not set alarm clocks, fry eggs, or cut checks”.
To give God all the credit is not honest or accurate. I have set a lot of alarm clocks, fried a lot of eggs (or at least tofu) and cut a lot of checks.
I am thankful to myself for doing my part in stopping drinking, taking drugs, using tobacco and caffeine.
There is a peace of mind that comes with the self-esteem of “doing my part” that is available in no other way.
I could not have stopped drinking without God’s help, but there is a proportioned relationship here. He’s got all the power…but, I need to acknowledge both parts, in the spirit of honesty.
PoM 59
Our Tenth Tradition states “We have no opinion on outside issues”.
Religion is clearly an “outside issue” for 12 step.
I have three experiences with the God of my religion:
- In the summer before fourth grade in vacation Bible school at Fort Knox Kentucky I experienced a “knowing” and have remained firmly convinced of the god of my religion ever since.
- At 27 years old when I began to recover from addictions I tried to avail myself of the power of the god of my religion…And utterly failed. What I did not understand at the time was that I was religiously addicted, and God was not going to let me use Him as “spiritual booze”.
- Three years ago, in a parking lot in Laos Southeast Asia, I experienced the same “knowing” that I had experienced when I was nine years old, except this time there was a sense of humor. I was concerned about an injury I had sustained when my father broke my back as a child. When I said “Je-sus Christ” for three steps and was silent on the fourth step, as I ran, I had perfect form when I was running…I kind of felt like God was laughing at me, but, just today, I used that technique…and ran 7.5 miles.
PoM 60
Thomas Jefferson said that music was “The Favorite Passion of My Soul".
Me, too…
PoM 61
I achieved near peace for an hour and forty five minutes when I ran today and was repeating a centering prayer the whole time.
But it wasn’t until I let go of the verbal prayer that I could reach my soul and know peace.
Boy, this is long way from just not taking a drink today…but the SLAA text does say on page 159:
“The truth is, we feel we are “on to” something big. We don’t know where it will lead us. We just don’t know what the upper limits of healthy human functioning are. In any event, our hunch is that we are but newcomers to this larger experience of living, this wider arena of life.”