PoM 51
I woke up and my mind was “out to get me”.
That just means that everything that I could possibly feel fear and negative about were competing fiercely for dominance.
I just stayed in bed, in a supine position, for 75 minutes and prayed Step Six and Step Seven.
But these steps are not magic. God is not Santa Claus.
What actually happens is God puts me in similar, parallel, or the exact same situations that I am fearful of, and then gives me an opportunity to trust Him…instead of letting my character defects drive me batty.
Bring on the pain, Lord…Because my mind is peaceful now.
PoM 52
Prayer brings me peace…
Postures of Prayer that were useful to me today:
Kneeling with my wife saying the Lord’s Prayer.
While running for five miles reciting, over and over, “ Fasting is as necessary as selection and restriction in diet.”
Standing doing yogic bends and breathing…while waiting in the Apple store to help expedite my wife’s returns.
75 minutes, lying in supine position in bed, and repeating over and over the 6th and 7th step. Nothing pretty…but very effective
PoM 53
In the deepest part of my heart what I believe about money is “Seek ye first the kingdom of God and all these things shall me added unto you”.
My second wife was a pretty, smart woman who was very good with money.
She asked me one time “How do you go into a doctor’s office and get $600 of medical tests for free…how do you do that?”
I told her “I think that when you really love people, honestly and openly, they want to say thank you…and they give you things”.
Today, an anonymous donor contributed to Alona and my work, substantially and generously.
We were breath taken, and with tears in eyes, grateful.
Alona made me stop, so that we could feel the grace of God…
So I recited an old favorite the Doxology:
“Praise God from whom all blessings flow. Praise him all creatures here below. Praise him above you heavenly host. Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost.”
PoM 54
I want to say something about the phrase “Alona and my’s work”.
I have been serving people for 33 years because my sobriety depended on it.
But, from the first day, four years ago, Alona has been going to every meeting, posting offices, shooting and editing videos, making websites, managing hosting, weekly inventorying finances and leading prayer every day…on top of putting up with me (which alone would gain her sainthood) but also having and raising Gummy, who is hotter than a three dollar pistol.
I can’t tell you how honored I feel to have such a partner.
It’s right out of the Genesis story with the spare rib.
It’s a little risky though…
We have bonded so clearly and firmly that there have been half a dozen times I have wakened in the night, dreaming of another woman, and, completely in her sleep, she will tap me on the shoulder…just to remind me that what I am doing is middle circle behavior.
That’s a little scary, LOL
PoM 55
Every now and then it’s good to talk about sex on a site that is primarily used for sex and food recovery.
Sexual inventory:
It is good not to masturbate or or cheat on my wife, to not “despise or loath sex, nor to use it lightly or selfishly”, as the Big Book states.
One of the gifts of sexual sobriety is a certain degree of sexually competence, and I am grateful and pleased with my ability to be satisfactory within my marriage around physical intimacy.
However, yesterday, I made love like an eighth grader. Felt embarrassed and a little shame.
Made amends to my wife and gave her a rain check for a better outing.
I can do better than that…
PoM 56
I have a huge number of challenges, just within me, to conquer.
When someone else is going through their own challenges, it’s important to recognize that that is not about me.
Otherwise their conflict becomes my conflict, and there is no peace…of any kind.