PoM 39
In response to a question on desire for success:
I found that, for me, being extremely successful, like my friend James Hetfield, was not what God wanted for me. He wasn’t opposed to that, but he was firmly opposed to that…until I put my recovery before my success.
There is a line in the ancient Jewish prophet Nahum...”I am against you" declares the Lord.”
I don’t ever want to be in that position again.
I want recovery first and whatever God allots me after that…I am humbly grateful for.
PoM 40
Did you know that “one adult serving” of Wheatgrass is one ounce
Sunflower sprouts is two ounces
Salmon is three ounces
Steak is three ounces
Popcorn is one ounce
Ice cream is four ounces…like I could eat that!
If just seeing this makes you mad (like it does me) then we both probably are food addicts.
PoM 41
A letter of gratitude:
Jeff S.
After twenty rehearsals to get the music right, and four more to present it in a way that people could hear it, I am happier with my music than I have been since the John Cage days, 45 years ago…and, it was built on the premise of no money.
If you listen carefully, there is a touch of your influence there…I am humbly grateful for the time we had together.
Steve D.
PoM 42
In order that I have peace of mind I need to keep my needs clear.
I have a need for financial safety (talked about in the 12x12 4th Step) which is met through teaching.
I have a need for love and belonging which is met by going to meetings.
I have a need for contentment, which is met by conquering all my addictions.
And I have a need for creativity that is met through writing and playing music.
But…if I try to get my need for financial safety, love and belonging, and contentment met through music I will feel frustrated and appear crazy, when actually I am doing the right thing…just at the wrong place.
Sorting out needs is kind of complicated and sensitive, but it is essential for me to know peace of mind.
PoM 43
I had a call about religious addiction today.
These are tricky calls because America is still 2/3 Christian and we have the biggest Christian population of any country in the world, so it is really easy to misinterpret talking about religious addiction as “Christian bashing”.
But, and this is true of any religion in any country in the world, using the ecstasy that comes from a “personal relationship” with God to overcome depression, loneliness, neediness, hurt, or sadness is addictive behavior.
If I can’t get sober, the essential question that must be asked is “ Is my view of God more important to me than getting sober?”
If so, then that view of God that I have has to be let go of.
But, if I am religiously addicted, I simply cannot make that rational decision.
These discussions need to be mercifully brief, because the more you talk about this to someone who is religiously addicted (as I certainly was)…the tighter they cling.
My best suggestion is simply what AA told me 40 years ago…just keep coming back.
PoM 44
Religious addiction and artistic preoccupations cross the identical neuropathways of fantasy, according to Patrick Carnes, the founder of sex addiction recovery.
If I am failing at meeting my financial needs, my needs for love and belonging, and my need for contentment because I am demanding that what I do to meet my need for creativity fulfill all four needs…then I am not rational.
I have to admit I am wrong and I have to let go of my beliefs…and start over.
There is tremendous peace in that surrender.