PoM 373
“Outer Circle”
My introduction to jazz was in a local dance band with a 55 year old organist, a 30 year old drummer, a 28 year bass player and a 28 year sax player who had toured with Ronnie Dove.
We did Satin Doll, Ipanema, San Francisco,, Summertime, Georgia on My Mind, Misty, Going Out of My Head, Mack The Knife, Caravan, that kinda stuff.
I was 15 and thought I was the Cat’s Pajamas. Now I feel about jazz the way I do about Socialism…it’s not as good as it sounds.
PoM 374
My very best position in relationship to God is “I am powerless…will you help me?”
I’ve got another opportunity now to connect.
It wasn’t but about 18 hours of working on straightening up my spine that I realized I was gonna need some help.
So I admitted I was powerless, I came to believe that God could help me, and I was willing to accept His help…so the first three steps were done.
But, after surrendering in my will, I came face-to-face with step 3 1/2 “I do God’s will”.
This is where all the slogans come in handy. But none of them were directly applicable.
To solve this problem I needed to understand something new about God’s will.
It was in the slogan “Be beautiful”.
In AAA they talk, every meeting, about “The Four Absolutes”.
They also talk about what happens when you don’t practice these four principles.
It turns out the opposite of Absolute Love…is ugliness.
So, for them, beauty is a part of Absolute Love. “Be beautiful” I part of the love of Love.
PoM 375
“You only get as much recovery as you want.”
Most people I know in recovery want to stop drinking and stop using drugs.
A good chunk of those decide that smoking cigarettes is something they want to give up. But, not all of them. My daughter is that way. She just loves to smoke.
That’s the lion share of people in recovery, but in the early 90s, with the advent of the Internet, there was an influx of people addicted to pornography. This is 95% men.
Also, in 1989, 30 years after women had re-entered the marketplace after manning the factories during World War II, they started a stellar program called Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous. It is 85% women and is the most disciplined of all 12 step programs.
If you look at the constitution of all Addicts Addicts Anonymous you’ll see these numbers pretty much across the board. They’re probably the best constitutional representation of what’s going on in America in the recovery world today. Mostly alcoholics, staying away from drugs. Some men staying away from sex addiction and some women staying away from food.
What do you do if you’ve got all these pieces? Or, more relevantly, what do you do if you can only get part of these recoveries.
Let’s say you can get the drugs and alcohol but you can’t get the sexual addiction recovery.
You’re being honest, you’re unselfishly serving others, you’re going to meetings, you have a sponsor, you are doing step work.
But there’s that something…something that you’re not willing to let go off, that’s preventing you from getting the sexual addiction recovery piece.
“You’re ready when you’re ready” As AA would say. In the meantime, when I’m stuck…I pray. Not verbal prayers. God knows I’ve heard enough of my own voice.
I surrender my thoughts to God and I count my breaths…to make sure that I don’t go back to worrying about my own silly “pain and problems”.
I typically do ten breaths per minute, so in 10 minutes I can count 100 breaths.
I can spare 10 minutes of my life to see if I can make myself available to “divine influences” as John Cage would say.
I’m not gonna get any better. You only get as much recovery as you want.
But, I can stay in prayer (breath prayer), until I am ready.
Just…breathe.
PoM 376
ACA Step Six.
I had a recording session planned and my bass flutist had the wrong date in his book.
I wasn’t honest with myself. I felt hurt, sad and I shoved my anger not inside, but aside.
I then spit my anger out…and felt very much better.
“I will be angry all my life as a celibate man”. As Hendrix would say “I can dig it”.
PoM 377
Tuesday November 30, 2021
I’m going to run a half marathon on Thursday, December 16th in Death Valley.
Still Dave lives two hours away from nearby Joshua Tree where Alona and I have found a good vegan restaurant.
He’s going to see if he can drive out Friday the 17th so that we can have the first face-to-face ActWithCourage meeting.
I have invited all three of the LA contingent…but all the PrayerCall folks are welcome.
Steve D.