PoM 305
I am sensitive to my beloved when she sends subtle signals that she is open to the possibility of physical intimacy. This was one of those mornings.
I feel loved and appreciative in those moments…but, today I declined.
I knew I was going to run 10 miles and I wanted all my energy to push my body hard.
I met Muhammad Ali once in 2001 and he used to abstain from sex for six weeks before he took on a Title fight.
If it’s good enough for him…it’s good enough for a piker like me.
PoM 306
MJ is starting a food business called “Holy Pies”.
It was from him that I learned about raw foods 20 years ago.
Two of my three meals a day are living foods from our garden, but they are blended with distilled water and fresh Meyer lemons.
I love the name “Holy Pies”…but, I think I’m gonna build me a food website and call it “White Trash Shakes”.
Alona says “I don’t like”…so I guess we’re not gonna do that.
PoM 307
The need for recreation (creativity).
After lying in bed for an hour thinking about things that I need to say to various sponcees to be of service to them, and launching our semi-annual Seventh Tradition fundraiser tomorrow, I just stopped and counted 100 breathes.
I need to re-create myself, my mind specifically. So, I got up and played my guitar at midnight.
Every time my mind would wander to some worrisome thought, I would surrender it and just listen to the guitar.
Is the Big Book would say “I was reborn”…in a little, but useful, way.
PoM 308
For Carol.
In response to the “God kills a kitten every time you masturbate” comic video: “Ok that’s just disturbing. Wtf?”
It was you that introduced me to Melody Beatty’s books on codependency. It was you that first introduced me to the idea of Adult Children of Alcoholics meetings.
But, the world of recovery has changed a great deal since you left it 30 years ago.
3/4 of Americans are now fat. While this is true of both sexes, it is sex correlative…this is the addiction that women generally reach for first when they are angry.
There’s also been a tremendous surge, with the advent of the Internet, in both sexes, in the use of pornography since the early 90’s. This is also sex correlative. 95% of sex addicts are men. This is particularly true in Third World countries.
The last time we saw each other in 1987, 12 step was at her peak. The Baby Boom generation was in their 30s, which is when most people enter treatment and recovery programs.
But, after 1994 with the advent of Ellen Bass “Courage to Heal” paradigm shift….and insurance companies getting smarter and becoming unwilling to pay $40,000 a month for treatment, 12 Step began to contract.
At her peak, 12 step boasted 400 different programs. Now Wikipedia lists only 33.
The people who have remained faithful to this worldview have fallen into three camps:
Reformationists who believe that therapy ruined 12 step and will not listen to anything outside the first 164 pages of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. Their strength is their purity.
They believe their faith in God will solve the problem.
Then, there are the Consolidators who try to put everything we’ve learned since 1935 in one package. All Addictions Anonymous is an example of that. Their strength is that it’s easy to not drink, but still be cheating on your wife, be fat or be in debt. Comprehensiveness is their forte.
Then, there are the Hybriders. They use a subscription model to finance their work.
Probably the best example of that is Reddit, who have actually trademarked the word “No-Fap” (The social media term for no-masturbation).
They will send their attorneys after you if you do not pay them for use of their intellectual property. Their strength is that they address the poor. After 16 months in Southeast Asia…I can see the wisdom of that.
Me? I try to find God through laughter…hence, the video.
PoM 309
The previous office was received with an explosion of hatred.
When I experience “friendly fire”, my first reaction is that I feel stunned. Then, I feel hurt, followed by sadness, loneliness and neediness. After I process, the anger comes up.
I find someway to express that in a healthy, passionate way.
But then, I have to look at my part…otherwise I also feel victimized.
“What did I do to put myself in a position to be hurt?”
Sometimes, in my excitement, I can be narcissistic, in that, I’m more interested in the information that I am passing, than how it is being received by the listener.
If I talk to people about recovery, who may be in the disease, and I am unwitting about it…I’m gonna get my head handed to me on a platter.
Jesus, in an angry moment, said “Do not give pearls to swine, or what is holy to dogs”.
That’s a little harsh…But I have been warned.
Lesson learned…
PoM 310
Tonight the new Gandhi offices weren’t ready for the 9:00 pm meeting.
I rather hysterically called for “Cake” (my wife’s preferred name).
My mic was on and I felt ashamed of myself, rightfully so.
I stopped in the middle of the readings and made amends to her.
And she made amends to everyone for her technical error.
Thank God for Step Ten.
People are more important than Offices, Steve.