PoM 257
HP,
Your vision for me is so much larger, yet so much more humble than I could have envisioned.
My idea of you as a child didn’t include the possibility that you cared about my food.
It didn’t include the notion that you cared about running, yoga, push-ups or any other type of exercise.
It certainly didn’t include your will to be having any type of creative fun.
And, in my childishness, I thought you had no absolutely sense of humor.
I was wrong, wrong, wrong about you.
PoM 258
Eckhart Tolle is considered one of the top ten most spiritual people on earth.
His belief is brilliantly simple…”Be present in the now moment”.
That seems like a pretty good idea for addicts, as we are generally feeling resentful or depressed about the past or anxious or worried about the future, according to Bill W., our 12 step prophet and avatar.
In 2003, I used to teach Barry Zito when he was a Cy Young award winner for the Oakland A’s.
He would get to the stadium early and do push-ups, wind sprints and stretches before the game.
Being in the now moment is like getting to the stadium early and working out…but it’s not the game.
The purpose of being in the moment is that you have the opportunity to meet, head on, your immortal soul.
PoM 259
There is three pound range I am comfortable with.
Above that, I start looking old, beat up and sallow. Much below that and I start heading towards emaciation and looking like a cancer victim.
But, every time I get to the bottom of that range, the very first, unguarded, undisciplined thought is….”Now I can eat”.
PoM 260
It’s funny watching young children play:
They dash about as fast as they can, yet have flawless boundaries and never crash into each other.
But, even more interesting, while they are too young to speak, they have a deep, intrinsic desire to congregate and clump together.
It is their desire for “love and belonging”…the most universally desired of all our needs.
PoM 261
People ask me sometimes about my writing, not the content, but the style.
In 2010 Mark Twain’s three volume Autobiography was published.
It was published 100 years after his death, at his request, so he could say all the nasty things that he was just bursting at the seams to say.
He is my favorite writer (along with the left-wing, Jewish, lesbian, Manhattanite Fran Lebowitz) and he decided that, unlike a typical chronological autobiography, which he considered quite dull, that he would write about any topic that caught his fancy and write about it until he got tired of it.
I write exclusively for addicts so I kind of hop around, like he did, so long as the topic is recovery…or funny Gummy stories…or loving, warm stories about Cake, my wife.
In terms of style, while I know a lot of really big words, I aim for the simple and clear exposition in Earnie Larsen’s most moderate and loving classic “Days of Healing, Days of Joy”.
In terms of content, my favorite writer is the Jewish psalmist King David. The tenderness, ferocity, faith, courage and utter devotion to loving his God transfixes me. And while I am just not that good, it’s a good goal to aim at.
The fourth element is a leavening agent…laughter. “A spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down”. My favorite comic is Richard Pryor, and while I can’t use his vernacular while I am writing this stuff…you can bet I am thinking it😂
Finally, the Fifth Element (as Bruce Willis would say) has nothing to do with me, but seems to be the thing that sparks the most interest in my writing….Every now and then, for no explainable reason, God will yank my heart and kinda direct me to say something specific…so I try to shut my big trap…and say what I’m told.
PoM 262
Why do I put myself in workaholism?
So, I can feel bent-over, weary, and sad with all my responsibilities and “making heavy going of life”.
Why would I do that?
Because I wanna be like my Daddy.
He was extremely poor when he was young and his whole life was dedicated to never experiencing that poverty again.
No amount of work or self-discipline was too much. He was going to succeed in freeing himself from the shackles of poverty, and the “slings and arrows of outrageous fortune”.
Unfortunately, that approach to life made him feel tired and frustrated a lot, so that alcohol and hookers seemed like a pretty reasonable quick fix.
Alcohol is cheap and legal, and hookers are a lot easier than having to put up with a woman…at least in his mind.
But little boys want to be like their Daddies.
I am no different… even while I am free from alcohol and dangerous sexual behavior.
Lord, help free from the bondage of workaholism, through the first Step.