PoM 235
I could not sleep this morning after the 6:00am PrayerCall.
Finally…I admitted that I was powerless over my own mind.
After I repeated that Step for a short while, I moved to “I’ve come to believe that a power greater than myself can restore me to sanity.”
That’s always the most comforting of Steps, for me.
It’s obvious that, if that Step is true, I might want to let HP help me, so I prayed “I have made a decision to turn my life and will over the care of God as I understand God”.
What is not so obvious (because it’s not in the steps) is now that I’ve surrendered my own addictive mind is I need to take action…
I need, not only to surrender my own selfish will, but to do God’s will.
So, I chose an easy one of God’s Wills….One “Still Dave” likes: Just……………………………………………………..breathe!
PoM 236
On Codependency:
I can’t have need for peace of mind met if my need for contentment is not met.
I can’t be content if my need for love and belonging is not met.
I can’t do any of these things… If I am waiting around for someone to be my friend.
PoM 237
In the first eight years of my recovery I just wanted to not drink.
I didn’t want to sponsor, didn’t want any program buddies, didn’t want to do service.
The next 28 years were about sex addiction recovery…and there was absolutely nothing I wouldn’t do to recover.
The last four years of recovery has become more gentle, has switched to food and exercise, and I am now in a place to write about those previous 36 years for others.
And I get a lot out of it, too…
PoM 238
I used to like to smoke $20 Nicaraguan cigars, drink two Starbucks Double Lattes, eat 12 ounces of Filet Mignon and 8 ounces of Gouda cheese.
It was fun while I was doing it…but I didn’t feel so good afterwards.
I have read ten of a Hemingway’s books but there are only two things that I found useful, but one of those things was very useful:
“You can tell what is moral by how you feel afterwards”.
Wow! All the Steps and Commandments condensed into one incredibly simple moral prism…feelings!
PoM 239
What do you do if you are not doing anything addictive or self-destructive?
I want to live a spiritual life and be in God’s presence as often as He will allow that.
The Hindu’s have the oldest known spiritual beliefs in the world.
Their beliefs have two super-simple parts:
- Maintain healthful physical postures so that you don’t run around life like a chicken with your head cut off and…
- To breathe deeply, slowly and sustainedly.
Spiritual comes from the Latin word “Spiritus” which simply means “To Breath”…and it is the most fundamental of all human needs.
So, if I am truly free of all addictions, I might focus on my breathing as a way to be more spiritual and thereby be more ready to perceive God when He comes “Walking through the Garden”.
PoM 240
HP,
I am feeling a need for some chastity…not much, just some.
I love the clarity, personal power in relationships, the increased intuition, social resilience and those pesky little visions…
I’ll ask the Prior to read us some Gandhi this week at the 9:00pm…