PoM 225
Step Eleven
When I was seventeen I bought a copy of the Bhagadva-Gita and tried their “centering prayer” of “Hare Krishna”.
All Addictions Anonymous recommends the centering “Jesus prayer”.
They both work on the same principle.
Essentially, you lasso your wandering mind and force it to focus on one very, very simple repetitive, verbal phrase, adoring your conception of God.
It works pretty good.
But I’m beginning to think that to experience complete peace of mind, requires God’s help, and therefore the admission of powerlessness over my own mind.
Repetitive Prayer will stop you from being crazy…Which I define as random, negative fearful thoughts constantly coalescing into mental and emotional pain.
But just not being crazy…is a long way from peace of mind.
PoM 226
For the 4 1/2 years my wife and I have lived together I’ve stayed out of her food, except for five days in Chiang Mai Thailand when she was very ill and went through withdrawal from flour and sugar.
She wondered, when we first met, if she was gonna have to eat the same horrible tasting health foods that I eat.
I told her that I had good boundaries and I did not need someone else to do what I did, for me to be okay.
So, she went on her way trying out all the foods, from all the cultures, that she had been denied from 10 to 24 years old when she was living with her grandmother.
But yesterday we did something really cool:
I compromised that my greens did not have to be “living”, and that coming from a Safeway produce counter would work just fine. She agreed to create an all green smoothie…And we shared the same food.
It was her idea, not mine…and it was charming…
PoM 227
For 4 1/2 years my wife and I have practiced the old Jewish tradition of Sabbath on Sundays.
Today, I lay in bed for an hour my holding my wife and observing my mind.
I noticed two things: there was an endless obsession of things to do and attend to.
All my life I’ve thought of that as “thinking“.
But, the truth is, it is just an endless sequence of mental obsessions.
The other thing that became clear is that each of these mental of obsessions, which I call “thoughts” is accompanied by an attitude, invariably a demanding attitude.
The Sexaholics describe Lust as “a demand for more”.
You could say “Well, that’s just life”.
But that’s not really true.
I spent 20 years of my life going multiple times per week to a Monastery in Atlanta Georgia.
There were many men there who are not obsessed with activity.
Aristotle, in his famous treatise “ On Aesthetics ”, goes on, chapter after chapter, describing moderation in every aspect of life, in excruciating detail.
Then, at the very end, he contradicts everything he has previously said, and states “The life of contemplation is better than any of this”.
Why would that be?
As the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous states
“Therefore, the main problem of the alcoholic centers in his mind rather than in his body.”
Gandhi said, “Mind is the principal thing”.
If any or all the above is true and I might need God’s help to solve this…A first step might come in very handy.
PoM 228
It is just rationalizing bologna to believe that “If I just had a girlfriend I would not use pornography".
It is equally foolish to believe “If I just had a wife I wouldn’t masturbate”.
The pain of loneliness is not more severe than the pain of conflict in a relationship.
All that being said, it sure is nice, relationally, to not have to look for an appropriate partner.
The time and energy can be spent somewhere else like writing prayers, running, playing guitar, or playing with my son.
I love being married…as long as it is to Alona.
PoM 229
I was asked today about my belief in God.
I believe in God for one reason:
On May 4, 1988, after not drinking for 30 days, I put a bottle of cold beer to my lips, and prayed “Please, help me not drink this”,…and I stopped.
That is the only reason.
There are a lot of things wrong with the world:
22,000 children die every day from starvation.
25,000,000 people are human trafficked each year
The Holocaust
Maybe God can’t or won’t do anything about those things. Perhaps that is beyond his powers…I don’t know.
What I do know is that God can, and will, help heal illness.
Whether it is alcoholism, pornography addiction, food addiction, debting, the victimhood that comes from child trauma, underearning and many other illnesses.
There’s a caveat…I must do my part.
God the Healer is not Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy or the Easter Bunny.
God the Healer is more like a spotter at the gym.
If He lets you put on more weights than you can handle, you hurt yourself.
But, if He doesn’t give you enough weight…He makes you weak.
So, I must do my part.
I know these simple beliefs work, because they have worked in 22 areas in my life, in the last 40 years.
Often though, my part seems unreasonable large…and I wish God wasn’t so proud of me.
Often though, things don’t happen when I expect something…and so I want to buy God a watch.