PoM 203
After three days on the road all the living foods harvested from our garden is gone.
Added to that, in our hurry we forgot my digital food scale, so I am “eyeballing“.
You can just imagine how that is going.
I got up at 5:00 am and practiced the 9th step for an hour, just saying “I am sorry, Steve”…and felt better.
PoM 204
Step Nine:
David, it was good to hear from you, today.
What I remember, in March 1967, was us moving from our lower middle-class, all-white neighborhood to a 112 acre cattle farm where you could see only one neighbor as far as the eye could see, in any direction.
We shared a tiny bedroom, maybe 12’ x 16’ in the suburbs, but then when we moved, we each had large bedrooms and bathrooms of our own, which required an intercom system to communicate with each other.
That’s where I remember losing touch with you, when I was 12 and you were 10.
But, it was more than physical surroundings.
The reason we all moved to the farm was to ride our horses, but I immediately lost interest in that.
I got interested in guitars and girls and I just lost you in my obsession with music and the pursuit of sex.
I was selfish and self-centered…and I am sorry for that.
PoM 205
My wife asked me why I call my writing “Prayers”?
I mean, it doesn’t often sound much like the Lord’s Prayer or the Serenity Prayer…
In AA they say that “Prayer is talking to God…and meditation is listening to God”.
Also, in the AA 12x12, p.102 , it says: “Prayer is the raising of the heart to God—it includes meditation”.
I just try to listen to God and write down what I hear.
PoM 206
“Petition, praise and pardon” are the three things that constitute the old, traditional definition of prayer.
That’s what I grew up with.
But, if you look at the Psalmist, King David, you find some of the tenderest, most intimate, and passionate writings of all time.
He would writhe in humility and sorrow in his Penitential Psalms.
David would rage and spew hatred on his enemies in the Imprecatory Psalms.
David also wrote “Wisdom Psalms” reflecting the beauty of the Old Testament’s prophets…we do that, but we refer to the Big Book and the 12x12.
There were “Royal Psalms” that dealt with special occasions. We do that: noting births, marriages, and various sobriety birthdays.
There were “Psalms of Lament”, when you’re having a bad day, feel lonely…or just want to slap somebody.
There are “Pilgrimage Psalms” to be read before you start your traveling…Or when you safely arrive there in one piece.
The only thing King David leaves out of his prayers is humor and, for me, I need “not to take myself too damn seriously“.
But, if I could kill a giant at 17, marry 8 wives, have 20 children, be God’s personal warrior, steal Bathsheba and end up with Abishag…I might take things rather more seriously, too.
PoM 207
There was a song, 46 years ago, by the country rock group, The Eagles, called “Lying Eyes”.
I did not have my food scale with me as Alona and I spent four days looking at the Redwood Forest.
I cannot be trusted to eat without a food scale, because I have “Lying Eyes”.
The good news is that I am again reminded of who I have surrendered my life to, why and how.
Food Plan:
6 oz organic “living” lentils, 2 oz raw organic cashew butter
8 oz organic tofu, 6 oz organic stone fruit
6 oz organic “living” mung seed spouts, 2 oz raw organic macadamia butter