PoM 126
If I let go of any of my physical sobrieties it doesn’t take long until it hits my Adult Children of Alcoholics sobriety.
Then all the defects of character that God has removed come creeping, or screaming, back:
Insecurity
Neediness
Demand for approval
Demand for attention
Doubt
Trying to figure things out and I lose my social resilience, my strength.
And there is no possibility of peace of mind.
Solution: Admit I was wrong, surrender to God and make amends to myself.
PoM 127
I have a friend who is 72.
Life expectancy for 72 year old women in America is 15 years.
According to the most current data, 30 minutes a day five days a week of moderate exercise just might get her to 92.
Run girl, run!
PoM 128
“Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace”.
I need to accept the pain of withdrawal.
The feeling of hunger if I want to stay thin.
The feeling of achyness if I want to stay fit.
The struggle of mental discipline if I want peace of mind.
PoM 129
Peace of mind requires a disciplined mental effort, but there is also peace of body.
In two weeks I will be 67 years old.
What I notice is that when I eat foods that are not “living”, I start to have random aches throughout my body and pinpoint headaches. My knees and back start to hurt.
I feel congested and tired. Nothing major, just kind of draggy.
When I don’t exercise vigorously, my heart starts to hurt, and I lose my vigor.
There is no peace in my body.
Then, ibuprofen, aspirin, nasal decongestants start to seem reasonable.
It’s the food…It’s always the food.
PoM 130
If I’m going to have peace of mind I can’t have a cornucopia of unmet needs bubbling up from within me.
It’s hard to have peace of mind when I’m so hungry or thirsty that all I can think about is a medium tenderloin and a bottle of sparkling water.
It’s hard to feel pacific when I am so needy, lonely, hurt or sad that I do desperate things like hook up sites or prostitution…When what I really need is a safe place to talk about how I feel.
It’s hard to feel serene when I don’t have someone to give me positive feedback, so that my need for “esteem of others” is met.
Without that, I become overly self-critical and I am harsh, shaming, and blaming in my self-talk on the one hand, and over-flattering with grandiosity and narcissism on the other.
I need people to help keep me right-sized.
It’s hard to feel placid if my need for contentment is not met.
Without it I am always demanding more of myself, never satisfied with who I am, what I do or what I have.
HP, help me to remember I have real and healthy needs.
PoM 131
From a text from a sponsee: “You are one intuitive and smart mofo”
Guys can be kind of blockheaded.
We require a burning bush, parting of the Red Sea, or bringing in the dead back to life for God to get our attention.
The Big Book talks about a more feminine way to notice God.
“We ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought” p.86
But, there is a requirement to reach God this way:
I must surrender anything that blocks my intuition.
It’s a little different for every person. For me, I can’t:
Drink alcohol, take pills, smoke cigarettes or drink coffee.
I also can’t eat flour or sugar…and I can’t masturbate.
But, I like the feminine approach to God.
It’s difficult and painful, but it’s very pure, and reliable…Once I get used to it.