Chastity Office #1

Chastity Slogans...

These slogans might help you stay chaste today. This is an elective, not a requirement. The requirement is no masturbation and faithfulness to your partner. Chastity is purely spiritual extra credit.

"Don't be like the horse or the mule." This is from Psalm 32. It means don't be stupid. If nothing else, chastity keeps you from cheating on your wife.

"No sex except within a marriage". This is from the Sexaholic's White Book. People have very strong beliefs, pro and con about that book, but this slogan might keep you out of trouble, for a day, or even just three hours. Doesn't really're not going to get married that day, but you might stay sober.

"I surrender my right to be sexual". This is old school SLAA, which says that you have to go through "Withdrawal" to call yourself sober...Their rules.

"A vow of chastity"...just for today. From Gandhi, who had a pretty severe sexual program...but look what he did with his life.

"No sex except to create children".  If you like the All Addictions Anonymous' adherence to the principle of "Absolute Purity"...this is the ultimate.

"I Surrender". Old school AA...just give up and rely on God.

"There are those who choose to live like Eunuchs to know the Kingdom of Heaven" Matt 19:11-12 .This is a pretty Big Promise, but that's what Jesus his very least quoted line. There are many people who don't believe in an afterlife. What we believe is that each of us has a soul, just like it says in Psalm 23. We just believe you can access it, now...if you surrender enough addictions.

"Control of the palate is the first essential in the observation of the vow". This is Gandhi saying that if you allow yourself to feel hungry, that need will supersede your desire to be sexual. Not much of anyone of us on this site is trying to stop having sex forever, including me. But, there are times when being sexually abstinent is useful, sometimes critical, and attention to diet can help sometime increase the probability of success.

"Acceptance is being positive". When I am being chaste it is very easy, unconsciously, to fall into self-pity. "Poor me! I can't have sex!" But, I do have control over my attitude. I can be positive about what I do have...instead of feeling sorry for myself about what I don't have.

"Do not give your strength to women, your vigor to those who ruin kings" and "Keep a path far from her, lest you give your best strength to others" These two expressions were both written by Solomon, who many people consider the wisest man in Jewish, Muslim and Christian history. What does he mean, "Your best strength"? Think about it. Think about when you are attracted to a woman. Think about the incredible presence, flexibility, amiability, generosity and humor you display to a woman...before you have had sex with her. That's what he's talking about. That strength is given to us to attract a mate...but it can be stored up, saved and used for very different and sometimes wondrous purposes.

"When should you have sex with a woman? When you want to lose the strength you have".  Pythagorus, who we unfortunately remember for his Pythagorean Theorem, although much more importantly he invented the musical scale that has been used for the last 2700 years in Western culture, was a profound spiritual thinker, first,  before math or music...He is just hammering home what Solomon said.

"A man dissipates his physical strength through ordinary incontinence" Gandhi and Bill Wilson both believed that misuse of sex weakens the body and thereby makes you susceptible to illness. Think about it: After you masturbate do you feel strong, vibrant, masculine and resilient, like you could take on the world? Don't be like the horse or the mule...

"Life without celibacy appears to me to be insipid and animal like". This is the harshest thing Gandhi ever said. You may find it extreme. On the other hand, why is it he led hundreds of millions to freedom...and you have not? He may know something you don't understand, yet....just sayin'.

"Have mercy on me Lord, a sinner". This just helps to take a load of guilt or shame off and has the wonderful side-band benefit of making you humble.

"Sister may no harm come to you from me". This is an extremely useful prayer, used every time you see a pretty girl and are tempted to do something that your wife would not approve of. It breaks the "bondage of self" because instead of "taking" , through selfish and dishonest objectifying, you are "giving". A remarkably simple and powerful prayer.

"Cling to the Lord and cry out for mercy" This is an old religious adage, but when I am at the bottom of a sexual acting out bottom this is a beauty of a prayer to start my ascent to sanity, reaching for sobriety...

"Celibacy, Service and Laughter" For me, these are my three highest goals. They present the very best part of me to the world when I pray this in my head...and carry it out with my body.

"Chastity is happiness" There is something nice about walking through the world, which is half-populated with women, many who are beautiful and attractive...and being impervious.

"Chastity is contentment" An addict's brain is rife with an attitude of self-pity, but right beneath that is an attitude of mercilessly demanding perfectionism. There is something uniquely satisfying about surrendering all sex for a finite period...which makes the very real human need for contentment within reach.

"Chastity is peace" There's something that relieves all that longing for women who are better looking than you, who you will never have a chance with, who you have masturbated to, time after time, in a revery of fantastical sexually impossible dreams that only leave you feeling "pitifully and incomprehensibly demoralized" afterwards...and that is complete surrender. In that chaste moment...there is sexual peace. Because, finally, knowing your soul...brings peace.


Chastity Office #2

Seven Bad things that won’t happen to you if you practise Chastity…and one good thing that will:

Chastity is defined as celibacy (no genital contact) plus no intrigue, objectification or fantasy.

When you are chaste:

  1. You do not have “an anxious mind”. Why? 

Because all your pain and problems are one step removed from your immediate, emotional field of activity , because you have a higher, more important, spiritual goal that you can turn to in times of stress, which gives you perspective on your pain and problems. And perspective is how the Big Book defines “sanity”. Without perspective... you are nuts.

     2. You do not have “eyes weary with longing”

When you objectify, there will always be women who are more beautiful than you could possibly hope to match with your looks, too young to be possible for you to reasonably attract, too wealthy for you to be able to interest, too socially connected-up to even notice you.

This creates “ eyes weary with longing “. 

It’s what the 12x12 describes as “sexual desire all dressed up as dreams of romance ”. 

This unresolvable, sexually hungry environment sets you up for masturbation with adolescently impossible fantasies with the pursuant “ pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization”…which always follows.

       3. You do not have “a despairing heart”.

It is heartbreaking to think that you will never make love to, or be loved by, sexual “genetic celebrities” that you see on movies, magazines or walking in your neighborhood.

The truth is that the very best you can attract is exactly where you are.

If you have sexual problems…you will attract a partner with her own constellation of sexual problems. If you are obsessive, you will attract a partner who has problems with her own obsessions.

Actually, you can attract someone who is worse than you, because all of us are “ dating up”,  but you will never attract someone better than you.

That leaves you with only two choices: Work on yourself and “develop your character”…or have a “despairing heart”.

      4. The sights you see will not “drive you mad”.

If you are a male sex addict (and you are straight) you may feel anger towards all females who are above the legal age and who are not ugly, old, fat or crazy.

Why is that?

If your belief is that sex, and particularly sex with love, is the very best thing that life offers you as a man, and you don’t have the social skills to implement the successful beginning of this process, you may start to believe that women are “holding out” on you, that they are in control of the "best part of life", and are denying you access for some inscrutable, indecipherable reason.

That means you’re mad at every woman you see.

It’s possible, in a world of infinite possibilities, that this male rage…is not their fault.

This rage is actually what drives the compulsion to masturbate to porn.

The mere sight of pretty women could thereby simply “drive you mad”....but, that won't happen with chastity.

       5. You are not “in suspense”.

One of the problems with holding and adhering to this preceding set of false beliefs is that the possibility of you finally getting what you erroneously believe you truly  “need” is precarious, dependent on the whims or fancies of women who you have little influence over and certainly no control.

Instead of being calm …You will be jumpy all the time, waiting for some girl to be sexually generous , or not subtle enough to see that you are just trying to hustle her.

      6. You will not “ be filled with dread”.

The feeling state that these beliefs cause is dread. “ Oh, no, another day of fighting the world for what I need! “ “This is unbearable”.  “ Pot, Cigars, Coffee, a couple of French Danishes will get me through this holy hell I am living in”.

Chastity eliminates that dread…without the Danishes.

        7.  You will not be  “unsuccessful in everything  you do”.

That feeling of dread, of being held in suspense, of being driven mad, feeling weary, despairing and anxious is a perfect description, emotionally, of sexual unmanageability and leads only to one thing…failure in life. 

On the other hand, if you surrender all this madness: 

  1. You can “be sure of your life today”. 

There is a wonderful, simple, feeling that AA discovered 87 years ago. Once you find out what God’s will is for you, and do it, life is pretty simple and pleasant.