Chastity Slogans...
These slogans might help you stay chaste today. This is an elective, not a requirement. The requirement is no masturbation and faithfulness to your partner. Chastity is purely spiritual extra credit.
"Don't be like the horse or the mule." This is from Psalm 32. It means don't be stupid. If nothing else, chastity keeps you from cheating on your wife.
"No sex except within a marriage". This is from the Sexaholic's White Book. People have very strong beliefs, pro and con about that book, but this slogan might keep you out of trouble, for a day, or even just three hours. Doesn't really matter...you're not going to get married that day, but you might stay sober.
"I surrender my right to be sexual". This is old school SLAA, which says that you have to go through "Withdrawal" to call yourself sober...Their rules.
"A vow of chastity"...just for today. From Gandhi, who had a pretty severe sexual program...but look what he did with his life.
"No sex except to create children". If you like the All Addictions Anonymous' adherence to the principle of "Absolute Purity"...this is the ultimate.
"I Surrender". Old school AA...just give up and rely on God.
"There are those who choose to live like Eunuchs to know the Kingdom of Heaven" Matt 19:11-12 .This is a pretty Big Promise, but that's what Jesus said...in his very least quoted line. There are many people who don't believe in an afterlife. What we believe is that each of us has a soul, just like it says in Psalm 23. We just believe you can access it, now...if you surrender enough addictions.
"Control of the palate is the first essential in the observation of the vow". This is Gandhi saying that if you allow yourself to feel hungry, that need will supersede your desire to be sexual. Not much of anyone of us on this site is trying to stop having sex forever, including me. But, there are times when being sexually abstinent is useful, sometimes critical, and attention to diet can help sometime increase the probability of success.
"Acceptance is being positive". When I am being chaste it is very easy, unconsciously, to fall into self-pity. "Poor me! I can't have sex!" But, I do have control over my attitude. I can be positive about what I do have...instead of feeling sorry for myself about what I don't have.
"Do not give your strength to women, your vigor to those who ruin kings" and "Keep a path far from her, lest you give your best strength to others" These two expressions were both written by Solomon, who many people consider the wisest man in Jewish, Muslim and Christian history. What does he mean, "Your best strength"? Think about it. Think about when you are attracted to a woman. Think about the incredible presence, flexibility, amiability, generosity and humor you display to a woman...before you have had sex with her. That's what he's talking about. That strength is given to us to attract a mate...but it can be stored up, saved and used for very different and sometimes wondrous purposes.
"When should you have sex with a woman? When you want to lose the strength you have". Pythagorus, who we unfortunately remember for his Pythagorean Theorem, although much more importantly he invented the musical scale that has been used for the last 2700 years in Western culture, was a profound spiritual thinker, first, before math or music...He is just hammering home what Solomon said.
"A man dissipates his physical strength through ordinary incontinence" Gandhi and Bill Wilson both believed that misuse of sex weakens the body and thereby makes you susceptible to illness. Think about it: After you masturbate do you feel strong, vibrant, masculine and resilient, like you could take on the world? Don't be like the horse or the mule...
"Life without celibacy appears to me to be insipid and animal like". This is the harshest thing Gandhi ever said. You may find it extreme. On the other hand, why is it he led hundreds of millions to freedom...and you have not? He may know something you don't understand, yet....just sayin'.
"Have mercy on me Lord, a sinner". This just helps to take a load of guilt or shame off and has the wonderful side-band benefit of making you humble.
"Sister may no harm come to you from me". This is an extremely useful prayer, used every time you see a pretty girl and are tempted to do something that your wife would not approve of. It breaks the "bondage of self" because instead of "taking" , through selfish and dishonest objectifying, you are "giving". A remarkably simple and powerful prayer.
"Cling to the Lord and cry out for mercy" This is an old religious adage, but when I am at the bottom of a sexual acting out bottom this is a beauty of a prayer to start my ascent to sanity, reaching for sobriety...
"Celibacy, Service and Laughter" For me, these are my three highest goals. They present the very best part of me to the world when I pray this in my head...and carry it out with my body.
"Chastity is happiness" There is something nice about walking through the world, which is half-populated with women, many who are beautiful and attractive...and being impervious.
"Chastity is contentment" An addict's brain is rife with an attitude of self-pity, but right beneath that is an attitude of mercilessly demanding perfectionism. There is something uniquely satisfying about surrendering all sex for a finite period...which makes the very real human need for contentment within reach.
"Chastity is peace" There's something that relieves all that longing for women who are better looking than you, who you will never have a chance with, who you have masturbated to, time after time, in a revery of fantastical sexually impossible dreams that only leave you feeling "pitifully and incomprehensibly demoralized" afterwards...and that is complete surrender. In that chaste moment...there is sexual peace. Because, finally, knowing your soul...brings peace.
Chastity Office #2
Seven Bad things that won’t happen to you if you practise Chastity…and one good thing that will:
Chastity is defined as celibacy (no genital contact) plus no intrigue, objectification or fantasy.
When you are chaste:
- You do not have “an anxious mind”. Why?
Because all your pain and problems are one step removed from your immediate, emotional field of activity , because you have a higher, more important, spiritual goal that you can turn to in times of stress, which gives you perspective on your pain and problems. And perspective is how the Big Book defines “sanity”. Without perspective... you are nuts.
2. You do not have “eyes weary with longing”
When you objectify, there will always be women who are more beautiful than you could possibly hope to match with your looks, too young to be possible for you to reasonably attract, too wealthy for you to be able to interest, too socially connected-up to even notice you.
This creates “ eyes weary with longing “.
It’s what the 12x12 describes as “sexual desire all dressed up as dreams of romance ”.
This unresolvable, sexually hungry environment sets you up for masturbation with adolescently impossible fantasies with the pursuant “ pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization”…which always follows.
3. You do not have “a despairing heart”.
It is heartbreaking to think that you will never make love to, or be loved by, sexual “genetic celebrities” that you see on movies, magazines or walking in your neighborhood.
The truth is that the very best you can attract is exactly where you are.
If you have sexual problems…you will attract a partner with her own constellation of sexual problems. If you are obsessive, you will attract a partner who has problems with her own obsessions.
Actually, you can attract someone who is worse than you, because all of us are “ dating up”, but you will never attract someone better than you.
That leaves you with only two choices: Work on yourself and “develop your character”…or have a “despairing heart”.
4. The sights you see will not “drive you mad”.
If you are a male sex addict (and you are straight) you may feel anger towards all females who are above the legal age and who are not ugly, old, fat or crazy.
Why is that?
If your belief is that sex, and particularly sex with love, is the very best thing that life offers you as a man, and you don’t have the social skills to implement the successful beginning of this process, you may start to believe that women are “holding out” on you, that they are in control of the "best part of life", and are denying you access for some inscrutable, indecipherable reason.
That means you’re mad at every woman you see.
It’s possible, in a world of infinite possibilities, that this male rage…is not their fault.
This rage is actually what drives the compulsion to masturbate to porn.
The mere sight of pretty women could thereby simply “drive you mad”....but, that won't happen with chastity.
5. You are not “in suspense”.
One of the problems with holding and adhering to this preceding set of false beliefs is that the possibility of you finally getting what you erroneously believe you truly “need” is precarious, dependent on the whims or fancies of women who you have little influence over and certainly no control.
Instead of being calm …You will be jumpy all the time, waiting for some girl to be sexually generous , or not subtle enough to see that you are just trying to hustle her.
6. You will not “ be filled with dread”.
The feeling state that these beliefs cause is dread. “ Oh, no, another day of fighting the world for what I need! “ “This is unbearable”. “ Pot, Cigars, Coffee, a couple of French Danishes will get me through this holy hell I am living in”.
Chastity eliminates that dread…without the Danishes.
7. You will not be “unsuccessful in everything you do”.
That feeling of dread, of being held in suspense, of being driven mad, feeling weary, despairing and anxious is a perfect description, emotionally, of sexual unmanageability and leads only to one thing…failure in life.
On the other hand, if you surrender all this madness:
- You can “be sure of your life today”.
There is a wonderful, simple, feeling that AA discovered 87 years ago. Once you find out what God’s will is for you, and do it, life is pretty simple and pleasant.
Chastity Office #3
The Seven Steps of Celibacy
1) I accept that there is power within me
2) I sing, discipline my body, pray and meditate…everyday
3) I feel all my feelings...and share them where it is wise to
4) I am open to feedback from trustworthy people
5) I confront and set boundaries with others
6) I accept my limits
7) I laugh
Chastity Office #4
“There is no time like the present.”
Joan of Arc
"For some of us, however, there is no passage to life, only from one stage of dying to another. Too few lessons have been learned, too little wisdom has been gained for the wound to heal. There is nothing natural or guaranteed about a springtime of the spirit."
"Behind every marvelous tale of death – left– behind is a common theme of peak moments. These peak moments may occur as long as we live. Or they may not. Perhaps we'd better make a decision someday sooner than tomorrow."
"Healthy living demands enough of a central focus that something gets finished once it gets started. Lacking this we often return to fight the same battle once again."
Chastity Office #5
We have only two slogans…”Celibacy, Service and Laughter” and "Repent and Live"
Chastity Office #6
"To achieve chastity, be prepared to lose everything. Chastity is a ravaging force to which nothing seems sacred or inviolate. It rips to shreds the structures and foundations I built in weakness and ignorance." The Courage to Heal
"Talk doesn't cook rice." DOH,DOJ
“There are those who choose to live like eunuchs to know the kingdom of heaven. If you can accept it, accept it”. Matthew 19:11
“Do not give your strength to women, your vigor to those who ruin kings."
“Keep a path far from her, lest you give your best strength to others”.
Solomon
“When should you have sex with a woman? When you want to lose the strength you have”. Pythagorus
“Life without celibacy appears to me to be insipid and animal like”.
“A man dissipates his physical strength through ordinary sexuality”.
"Control of the palate is the first essential in the observation of the vow."
Gandhi
Chastity Office #7
The Celibate Promises:
1) We will be more available to our children
2) We will be more present and productive at work.
3) We will become stronger and more supple.
4) Our financial situations will clear up.
5) Our artistic and “spiritual” aspirations will be realized.
6) Self-draining sexual/romantic relationships will suddenly wither and die
7) We will have more clarity, intuition and personal power.
8) We will have more fun.
9) We will finally...relax
Chastity Office #8
"Chastity is King"
Psalm 21 Excerpt:
1 O LORD, the king rejoices in your strength. How great is his joy in the victories you give!
2 You have granted him the desire of his heart and have not withheld the request of his lips. "Selah"
3 You welcomed him with rich blessings and placed a crown of pure gold on his head.
4 He asked you for life, and you gave it to him--length of days, for ever and ever.
5 Through the victories you gave, his glory is great; you have bestowed on him splendor and majesty.
6 Surely you have granted him eternal blessings and made him glad with the joy of your presence.
7 For the king trusts in the LORD; through the unfailing love of the Most High he will not be shaken.
Chastity Office #9
The Promises of Chastity
Efficient perceptions of reality…We have the ability to judge situations correctly and honestly. We are very sensitive to the dishonest. Rather than being fearful of things that are different or unknown, we are able to view things logically and rationally.
Comfortable acceptance of self and others...We accept ourselves and others as they are. We tend to lack inhibition, are able to enjoy ourselves, and live our lives guilt free. We accept, with humor and tolerance, our own human nature with all its flaws, the shortcomings of others, and the contradictions of the human condition. Other people are treated the same regardless of their background, race, culture, or socio-economic status.
Spontaneity…We extend our creativity into our everyday activities. We tend to be unusually alive, engaged and spontaneous. We follow generally accepted social expectations, but do not feel confined by these norms and are spontaneous in our internal thoughts and our external behaviors. We are open and unconventional.
Task centering…We are motivated by a strong sense of personal ethics and responsibility, applying our problem-solving skills to real-world situations and helping other people improve their own lives. Each of us has a mission, outside of ourselves, to pursue and fulfill in life.
Autonomy...We are free from reliance on external authorities or other people. We tend to be resourceful and independent. We do not conform to other people's ideas of happiness or contentment.
Continued freshness of appreciation…We constantly renew our appreciation of life's basic goodness. A sunset will be experienced as intensely, with the same wonder and awe, every time, as it was the first time. We live in the moment and appreciate the beauty of each experience.
Fellowship with humanity…We will feel a deep identification with others and the human situation in general and yet, we feel we are an important part of humanity.
Profound interpersonal relationships…Our interpersonal relationships are marked by deep loving bonds and we grieve appropriately with their closure.
Comfort with solitude…Despite our satisfying relationships with others, we value solitude and are comfortable being alone. It is essential for us to have time to focus on personal discovery and for cultivating our individual potential.
Non-hostile sense of humor…We have the wonderful capacity to laugh at ourselves and situations but do not shame others with this capacity.
Peak experiences…We have frequent occurrences of peak experiences. These experiences are marked by feelings of ecstasy, harmony, and deep meaning. We will feel at one with the universe, filled with its beauty and goodness, feeling simultaneously more powerful yet more helpless, feeling stronger yet more calm than ever before. Afterwards, we have the conviction that something extremely important and valuable has happened to us, so that we are transformed and strengthened in our daily lives by each such experience.
We have the gifts of...clarity, intuition, personal power in relationships, resilience and visions…
Chastity Office #10
While most people come on this site for sex addiction recovery, the truth is that “Addiction is the disease that migrates”.
So, we are prepared for 22 addictions…for however your particular constellation of addictions may appear:
The Four “Basic Food” groups:
- Drinking
- Drugs
- Smoking
- Caffeine
The Seven Types of SLRR (Sex, Love, Romance and Relationship)
- Masturbation or Affairs
- Love
- Romance
- Relationship
- Al-anon
- Anon-anonism
- Sexaholism
The Four types of Money Recoveries
- Debt
- Workaholism
- Underearning
- Gambling
The Four Types of Self-Relationships
- ACA
- Codependency
- Victimhood
- Narcissism
The most abstruse recovery
- Artistic preoccupations
The most recent discovery
- Media addiction
The most obvious, but yet denial ridden, recovery
- Fat
Chastity Office #11
Outer Circle is critical to success in Chastity.
HP, You have given me a body to live in.
You have given me the gift of health.
Help me today to value, respect and honor that gift by taking care of my body, through some attention to strength, some to flexibility and some to cardio.
Help me to be moderate…but vigorous.
Chastity Office #12
“Without a vision my people perish”.
Proverbs 29:18
Here is the very unpalatable truth…I have been given a vision.
I have been teaching it to others.
I cannot abandon it. I must learn to live with it.
It will require everything I have learned thus far…
Chastity Office #13
Outer Circle is critical to success in Chastity.
Physical humility has four parts, which inevitably lead to a fifth part:
Physical strength- push-ups, free weights, machines, etc. How much you can do.
Cardio-Running, Biking, Swimming, etc. Stuff that makes you sweat.
Endurance-How long you can do the above
Flexibility- Stretching, yoga
These four lead to good Conformation.
Chastity Office #14
Sex Addiction - Obsessive/compulsive sexual activity that negatively impacts other parts of the addicts’ life...or other people's lives. The compulsiveness can be expressed in many ways. Possibilities are through the use of masturbation, promiscuity, affairs, multiple partners, anonymous sex, sex in public places, strip clubs, lingerie parlors, prostitution, child molestation, rape, pornography, x-rated bookstores, voyeurism, exhibitionism, orgies and porn theaters...but are not limited to these.
Relationship Addiction - An expression of powerlessness in the inability to leave or stay out of self-destructive relationships. The sexual or romantic aspects of the relationship may not be highlighted. It is the clinging to stay in a current relationship or the clawing to get into a new relationship that characterizes this addiction. The solution here is 12-step recovery with an emphasis on multiple, healthy, non-sexual, intimate friendships to fill the unmet needs for family that the addict experiences.
Love addiction - An obsessive/compulsive need to satisfy the desire to feel whole or complete through using the presence of another person. When there is a feeling of “oceanic one-ness” in the beloved’s presence and a corresponding sense of doom, futility, pointlessness and despair at the prospect of never “having” the love object then love addiction is present. There may be no “relationship” in the conventional sense and there may not even be sexuality present. 12-step recovery works here, too, but the emphasis needs to be on learning how to love yourself thoroughly before you love others.
Romance Addiction - An obsessive/compulsive need to be excited by romantic, though not necessarily sexual or relational, activities. Endless series of brief relationships, inability to commit, self-destructive pursuit of the manic, fantastic and chaotic “relationships” as well as the demand that the “ideal perfect partner” be found characterize this addiction.
Chastity Office #15
Help me to be unselfish, just for today.
Help me not to see women as objects of my sexual desire, just for today.
Help me not to see women as possibilities to meet my own neediness for emotional safety, love and belonging or esteem (validation), just for today.
Help me not see women as occasions for romantic or relational intrigue, just for today.
Help me not see women as people who might meet my desire for affection or for company, just for today.
Help me not see women as objects of love that may complete an emptiness within me, just for today.
Help me see women, as I see men, as people to serve, just for today.
Chastity Office #16
Surrendering sexual behaviors that cause “pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization” are the actions that define sexual sobriety.
But…to “Develop my character”, I must surrender objectification, fantasy and intrigue.
These three things define my “Sexual Character.
Chastity Office #17
“Repent and Live”.
What does that mean to me?
To let go of my sexual obsession and relax and have fun…just for today.
Chastity Office #18
Intrigue - The transmission of sexual information or energy to see if the other person is available sexually. Sexual innuendo, double entendre, sexual jokes or simply bringing the topic of sex to the conversation. In its more subtle forms intrigue can be accomplished with eye contact, body language or intentional contact with someone who ‘triggers’ you.
Objectifying - Viewing another person as the object of personal sexual gratification. Also called "body parting" or "rubbernecking".
Fantasy - The use of memories of previous sexual experiences or the use of imagination to create sexual fantasies for the stimulation of sexual arousal. It is frequently, but not always, accompanied by masturbation.
Healthy Sexuality – Most of us believe that a healthy sexuality is characterized by commitment, love and intimacy.
Intimacy - The ability to share feelings, desires, needs, thoughts, attitudes and beliefs honestly and openly with another person; with yourself; or with a Higher Power
Commitment - a willingness to stay with a partner and work through pain and problems regardless of how you may feel. There is a limit to this commitment and that is when staying with a partner is clearly detrimental to oneself spiritually.
Love - actions, words and thoughts that are characterized by gentleness, positiveness and acceptance.
Spirituality - We define this for ourselves but a temporary definition might be-actions, thoughts, attitudes and beliefs that create and sustain healthy relationships with ourselves, others and perhaps a Higher Power.
Higher Power - The belief that there is a “Power greater than oneself”-if only the power of the collective wisdom of the group, which can be helpful when you are powerless.
Celibacy Period - a time of complete abstinence from all sexual behavior including masturbation and sex with a partner. This is initially designed to determine exactly what behaviors you are addicted to.
Chastity - Celibacy accompanied by no fantasizing, objectifying, intriguing, or any other activity which would arouse one’s own or another’s lust.
Chastity Office #19
As Lao Tze would say, “Help me on this journey of mightiness (health).”
Help me conquer myself, just for today.
Help me have a "springtime of the spirit"
Help me first, to be satisfied in conquering myself and secondly, to know peace, through experiencing my soul.
Help me to surrender my thoughts, to breathe in deeply and to experience my soul as often as I can today.
Now that I am free, help me build a new life, doing what you want me to do.
Help me to surrender anything that would distract me from my soul.
Help me to remember that as I change myself, I change the world.
Help me to remember when Al-anon quotes Blaise Pascal "All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone.”
Today I will look for love within myself….gentle, positive, accepting.
Give me courage to act and wisdom to know when to act.
Help me to be positive, gentle and accepting of myself all day long today.
Sex is not a need. It is an instinct.
Eating is a need.
If I surrender all sex, love, romance and relationship, just for a day, it’s amazing how simple my real needs become.
Essentially I need to feel loved and like I belong and also I need to feel esteemed by others to be happy.
That’s pretty much it…but I don’t know that until I surrender all sex…first
Chastity Office #21
The Big Book refers to a state of “ Neutrality “:
“We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality - safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us.”
Is that possible for sex addicts? Yes, it is.
What would you give for that kind of freedom?
What if it cost you some Chastity time?
What if it cost you a lot of Chastity time?
Would that kind of freedom be worth it, to you?
Chastity Office #22
According to Werner Herzog's 2016 movie "Lo and Behold: Reveries of the Connected World".
“If the information that passes through the internet in one day were stored on a CD-Rom and stacked up...they would reach to Mars and back”
Mars is 57 million miles away. There are 1.3 million CD ROMs in a mile and a CD rom is 74 minutes long.
Multiply that by the 57 million miles to Mars and you have 89 quadrillion hours of internet information per day.
Divide that by the 7.4 billion people in the world and you have over 12,000 hours day of internet information per person.
The most conservative estimates are that 4% of internet traffic is porn
That means that there are 500 hours of porn per day for every person in the world each day.
That’s a lotta porn...
Chastity Office #23
As one of my highest order needs, the need for contentment comes from being what I want to be.
Help me to want something I can achieve, so that I will feel content.
Help what I want to be sane and attainable, so that I may feel content.
While service makes me feel happy, joyous and free, feeling content is different.
Help what I want to have, do, or be, be reasonable, just and sane, so that having attained it, I am content with myself.
Help what I want to be modest, so that it is attainable, so that I may obtain contentment .
Chastity Office #24
Intrigue is middle circle. It is a “Yellow light”
that cautions me that I am headed for a “Red Light”.
I am clear that sexualizing conversations with a woman (I am a straight male) is middle circle.
But, just having proximity to certain people can be dicey.
I love what the Sexaholics say “If you don’t know whether or not what you are doing sexually is okay…ask your wife”.
Chastity Office #25
Social Resiliency is the greatest gift of Chastity.
Chastity Office #26
God,
We all think you’re up there in the sky, watching everything we do, hoping you are feeling merciful.
We all think you have given us life and, on a good day, we try to be grateful.
If you could just give me a nudge, from time to time, to lighten up and not “take myself too damned seriously” I sho’ would appreciate it.
Amen
Chastity Office #27
“About 40 million Americans visit porn websites on a regular basis”
“The number of people in the United States living with sex addiction is currently estimated at 12–30 million.”
“Approximately 5% of people successfully recover from their sex addiction.”
These statistics indicate that, on average, if you visit porn sites regularly, you have a better than 50% chance of becoming a sex addict.
But, the really scary number is that you only have a 1 in 20 chance of recovering.
The next time you say to yourself, “I’ve already been to two 15 minute meetings today”…think about that number.
Chastity Office #28
I will have mercy on myself.
I have mercy on the child I was as a boy.
I mercifully wash away the guilt I feel for what I did as a youth.
I am cleansed of my sin as God's tenderness flows through my merciful heart.
I am new.
I will protect the new me, as I am tender.
Guide me Lord in my new life, Amen.
Chastity Office #29
When I am in withdrawal I remember will feel:
- Washed out
- Like I’m gonna die
- Like the world is gonna end
And while I am feeling that way… try to be grateful that I am getting more sober.
Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries!
Even if I am perfectly chaste that doesn’t mean that other people are sober in their respective diseases.
I need the social resilience that comes from chastity when I am around someone who is flaming in their addiction…
Chastity Office #31
Religion’s descriptions of Chastity:
I have found the "Pearl of great price"
I have found the "Kingdom of God"
I have found the "Kingdom of heaven"
I have found "Eternal life"
I am no longer a "House divided"
I am no longer a "Kingdom divided"
I am no longer "Serving two masters"
"Free at last, free at last...Thank God Almighty, I'm free at last!"
Chastity Office #32
I have come for me
Help me to unbaffle and uncunn myself
Help me to walk like a King
Forgive my sins
Renew my youth like an eagle
Help me to breathe deeply today
Help me to exercise hard for my heart
Remove my character defect of lust, please
Help me to feel my soul so that I feel that I have enough.
Chastity Office #33
What if you could really increase the vitality of your spiritual life by doing one simple thing?
Now, it won’t work, if your mind and heart are not in it, too.
Just try not being orgasmic for 60 days…and see what happens.
Chastity Office #34
Being chaste means no genital contact with oneself or others plus no intrigue, objectification or fantasy.
Mentally, though, it means asking God for help when you are powerless, but, also…committing to utilize your will when you are not powerless.
You have to use your willpower to be honest.
You have to use your willpower to have courage.
Chastity Office #35
(Excerpts from Think And Grow Rich, the most famous book on money in the English language)
The men of greatest achievement are men with highly developed sex natures; men who have learned the art of sex transmutation.
Sex energy is the creative energy of all genius.
The road to genius consists of the development, control, and use of sex, love, and romance.
The factor of personality known as "personal magnetism" is nothing more nor less than sex energy. Highly sexed people always have a plentiful supply of magnetism.
When (sex is) harnessed, and redirected along other lines, this motivating force maintains all of its attributes of keenness of imagination, courage, etc., which may be used as powerful creative forces in literature, art, or in any other profession or calling, including, of course, the accumulation of riches.
Highly sexed successful men: George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Thomas Jefferson, Napoleon Bonaparte.
Chastity Office #36
I must:
Fight for my chastity, when necessary
Strive for absolute honesty
Strive for absolute purity
Strive for absolute love
Strive for absolute unselfishness
Be merciful and forgiving when I fall short of absolute perfection.
Chastity Office #37
One of the great things about not objectifying, not intriguing and not fantasizing is that, since my mind is not locked up in it’s own selfishness, that I notice, not just my own feelings, but other people’s feelings.
This gives me social cues on how to respond.
Objectification, fantasy and intrigue have absolutely nothing to do with our physically acting out, but they are 98% of the illness.
I want to be completely free of the disease…
Chastity Office #38
Early in my life, I really wanted to be with a woman.
Actually, I really didn’t want to be with myself.
But, the real reason that I didn’t want to be with myself was that I was not in touch with my soul.
Without being in touch with my soul there is, as AA says “A God-sized hole” in me, with the wind just rushing in and out.
But, to find my soul I had to give up my obsessions, the most obvious obsession being, wanting to be with a woman.
Chastity, for me, leads me to my soul.
Chastity Office #39
I will:
Laugh at myself
Believe that I will get better
Trust God
Serve others
Have a positive attitude
Smile
Forgive myself
Pray
Read spiritual literature
Exercise
Forgive others
Manage my money
Relax
Do nothing
Have fun
Be aware of my food
Be conscious of my sexual choices
Announce limits
Grieve losses
Set boundaries
Accept reality
Feel my feelings
Meet my needs
Be self-restrained
Enjoy my choices
Share with others
Persevere
Connect
Practice self-discipline
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Chastity Office #40
Help me be gentle with myself when I fail.
Help me to be as merciful to myself as a great father would be to his child.
Help me to encourage myself.
Help me to have faith in myself.
Help me to be proud of my courage.
Help me to love myself today by taking the actions of love, having an attitude of gratitude and contentment, believing beliefs that are positive, gentle and accepting, thinking hopefully and feeling everything I feel.
Chastity Office #41
Flirting is middle circle.
That’s where I present myself as funny, cute, adorable, sexy, brilliant and entertaining to a female.
I am saying “ Pick me!”, “I am the one you should have sex with”.
You gotta do it, and do it well, if you want to successfully have sex with a female.
But, there is nothing chaste about that…nothing.
Chastity Office #42
Most all sex addicts are love addicts, too, and often feel isolated, separate, disconnected and alone.
What they don’t realize is that their own belief system is what is keeping women at arms length.
If you believe that it’s okay to have sex with anyone who is even remotely open to you in conversation, then a smart woman will “ ghost” you.
On the other hand, if you have a belief system that says “ There are no words that you can say, no action you can take, no feeling you can express, that would cause me to be sexual with you”, you’d be profoundly surprised how they react and you won’t have to be alone anymore…unless you choose to.
Chastity Office #43
HP,
In order to stay chaste today help me to love myself today.
Specifically, help me to:
- Stay in touch with my feelings
- Set boundaries with those who are harmful
- Announce limits so as not to harm myself
- Keep myself emotionally healthy by meeting my needs for:
- Safety
- Love and belonging
- Esteem of others
- Self-esteem
To fully actualize myself, help me meet my needs for
- Near constant Prayer
- Self-transcendence through Service
- Spirituality through connectedness, originally with God, then others, and finally, lastingly and constantly, with myself
- Contentment through realization of my highest, realistically attainable goal
- Creativity through creating beauty for the joy of it
- Peace of mind through knowing my soul
Chastity Office #44
Help me to take care of myself in chastity.
I will feel more.
Hurt is one of the feelings I will feel more.
When I feel hurt help me to remember that I need my anger more to protect me from feeling victimized, which is the number one addictive trigger to cause failure at chastity.
I am going to feel angry more…or I am not going to make it.
I commit to feel my anger…
Chastity Office #45
When I am free from objectification, fantasy and intrigue I notice I am free from something else…I am free of my pitiless, merciless self-demandingness.
When I am in Middle Circle I feel, within me, some shame...because I know I am doing something wrong.
To remain in balance, I feel a need to counter that shame with doing something superhuman.
It is more sane to just surrender Middle Circle
Chastity Office #46
I must fight for my chastity, when necessary:
Strive for absolute honesty
Strive for absolute purity
Strive for absolute love
Strive for absolute unselfishness
And be merciful and forgiving when I fall short of absolute perfection
Chastity Office #47
Even if you are not masturbating, using porn or cheating on your wife.
Even if you are perfectly celibate.
Even if objectification, fantasy and intrigue are pretty much at absolute zero in your life…
There is still sexual desire…
The AA 12x12 says:
“It is nowhere evident, at least in this life, that our Creator expects us fully to eliminate our instinctual drives. So far as we know, it is nowhere on the record that God has completely removed from any human being all his natural drives.”
So that natural drive is going to stay…
How do we keep it from turning from desire to obsession?
Gandhi has a thought:
“I found that complete control of the palate made the observance of the vow of chastity very easy.”
SLAA also has a positive suggestion:
“Some of us took up jogging, or other exercises that required greater physical effort. These helped to provide a physical sensation of tiredness which could fill the void left by the absence of sexual release, or even replace it.”
So, they say complete control of my food and greater physical exercise, both help.
Chastity Office #48
Objectification and fantasy take people out of the world of shrieking toddlers, the fierce competition for money, the disappointments in love, the frustrations at work, and the self-dissipation of the body.
But, it also takes us out of the glory of our children's smiles, the warmth of our safe friends, the love flowing from service, and the knowable presence of God.
It’s a two edged sword.
Help keep us chaste, Higher Power, please.
Chastity Office #49
Objectification, Intrigue and Fantasy are not your will for me.
Masturbation and affairs are never your will for me.
Sex, love, romance and relationship are not your will for me…today.
Your will for me, today, is to be happy, joyous and free.
Objectification, Intrigue, Fantasy, Masturbation and Affairs always make me suffer.
Sex, love, romance and relationship, if it is your will, and if I do it your way, are just fine.
But calling addicts, going to meetings and writing literature makes me happy, joyous and free…always, everyday.
Chastity Office #50
While in conflict, my need for safety, my need for love-and-belonging and my need for esteem-of-others is not met by the other person, because they are too busy protecting themselves.
To make up for that deficit of love from the other person, I can love myself...by choosing finite chastity.
Chastity Office #51
The Ten Points:
1. Completely giving ourselves to this simple Program;
2. Practicing rigorous honesty;
3. Being willing to go to any lengths to recover;
4. Realizing that there is no easier, softer way;
5. Being fearless and thorough in our practice of the principles;
6. Letting go of our old ideas absolutely;
7. Recognizing that half measures will not work;
8. Asking God’s protection and care with complete abandon;
9. Being willing to grow along spiritual lines;
10. Accepting the following pertinent ideas as proved by All Addicts Anonymous experience:
(a) that you cannot manage your own life;
(b) that probably no human power can restore you to sanity;
(c) that God can and will if sought.
Chastity Office #52
I surrender sex, love, romance and relationship, just for today.
I will use my sexual energy to serve others and take care of myself in an "enlightened self-interest" sort of way.
I will meditate and try to ascertain God's will for me.
I will not take myself too damned seriously.
Chastity Office #53
Chastity is happiness”.
If chosen, finite, chastity raises self-esteem in a sex addict more efficaciously than any other action, and it does...then chastity paves the way for the freedom of happiness.
Chastity Office #54
Intrigue is any conversation, look, or body language that would convey sexual interest in another person.
There is a time for that: When dating an appropriate person or starting to engage romantically with a committed partner.
Women always sense intrigue, instantly, as describe it as “It feels weird around him”, otherwise.
HP,
Keep me perfectly pure, in both my words and my thoughts.
Chastity Office #55
Masturbation feels violent, vicious, ripping and tearing through my boundaries, extinguishing my self-esteem, self-drop-kicking myself into two days of depression...every single time.
Chastity Office #56
It is my experience that the part of me that esteems myself is also the same part that intrigues, objectifies and fantasizes…and I can't do both things with that same part.
Therefore, lust (through intrigue, objectification, and fantasy) destroys my high self-esteem.