Gandhi 35
As PrayerCall practices Step Eleven 28 times a week, we might benefit from Gandhi’s experience on prayer:
“Prayer is the key of the morning and the bolt of the evening.”
“Prayer is not asking. It is a longing of the soul. It is daily admission of one's weakness."
“It is better in prayer to have a heart without words than words without a heart.”
“I have not the slightest doubt that prayer is an unfailing means of cleansing the heart of passions.”
“I have no doubt that there is a key to lock out undesirable thoughts, but everyone has to find it out for himself. Saints and seers have left their experiences for us, but they have given us no infallible and universal prescription.”
“Involuntary thought is an affectation of the mind, and curbing of thought, therefore, means curbing of the mind which is even more difficult to curb than the wind. Nevertheless the existence of God within makes even control of the mind possible.”
Gandhi 36
A Vow of Chastity within Marriage.
The angriest, short of murder, that I have ever seen a person be, was a Sexaholic who I suggested might want to extend his chastity past his wedding day. Nothing makes people more self-righteous than this.
Of the 60,000 calls I have taken in the last 33 years the majority of them are from men complaining about how their wives are not sexually satisfying…like they used to be.
Or…women heartbrokenly opining that “They don’t feel heard.”
Both are profoundly stunned when I suggest a finite period of chastity.
Neither can believe that I am not agreeing with their “finger-wagging” at their spouse.
Gandhi ways it succinctly: “There are more occasions for quarreling where the love is selfish and bounded.”
If I am dependent on my wife for sex, she is not an equal…she is my slave.
Does that sound selfish to you?
“He who realizes this will control his lust at any cost”
Any cost?
How about 60 days of chastity?
Patrick Cranes the founder of all sex addiction theory, when he started out in the 70’s, would not take a couple’s money until they agreed to “8-12 weeks” of chastity.
He found that, once the couple agreed, “They couldn’t keep their hands off each other”.
Think about your marriage: Wouldn’t you like to get back to where you were having out of control sex? Guys…I know you.
It’s hard to do…
“I have always therefore regarded myself as a lustful, though faithful husband. It took me long to get free from the shackles of lust, and I had to pass through many ordeals before I could overcome them.”
“To be fair to my wife, I must say that she was never the temptress. It was therefore the easiest thing for me to take the vow of chastity, if only I willed it. It was my weak will or lustful attachment that was the obstacle.”
Puccini, in the most popular opera of all time, Madam Butterfly, says “ There is no woman who does not desire love”. I am certain that it hurt her feelings when Gandhi said she was not a “temptress”.
Still, despite that stupid comment:
“Even after my conscience had been roused in the matter, I failed twice (note: his wife says three times).”
“I failed because the motive that actuated the effort was none the highest. My main object was to escape having more children. Seeing, therefore, that I did not desire more children I began to strive after self-control. There was endless difficulty in the task. We began to sleep in separate beds.”
They struggled. They fought. They pouted….but, they succeeded.
“It became my conviction that procreation and the consequent care of children were inconsistent with public service.”
“If I wanted to devote myself to the service of the community in this manner, I must relinquish the desire for children and wealth.”
Mrs Gandhi had to not only give up sex, but give up her jewels.
I had a jeweler say to me once “You know, women are the wiser sex…but, look how they act when they see small, shiny, things.”
Poor Mrs. Gandhi…I mean, really!
But the struggle went on:
“Up to this time I had not met with success because the will have been lacking, because I had no faith in myself, no faith in the grace of God, and therefore, my mind had been tossed on the boisterous sea of doubt.”
“I realize that in refusing to take a vow a man was drawn into temptation, and that to be bound by a vow was like a passage from libertinism to a real monogamous marriage.”
"I believe in effort I do not want to bind myself with vows,” is the mentality of weakness and betrays a subtle desire for that thing to be avoided. Or where can be the difficulty of making a final decision?
“But supposing my views are changed in the future, how can I bind myself by a vow? Such a doubt often deters us. But that doubt also betrays a lack of a clear perception that a particular thing must be renounced.”
And they did it…
Now Gandhi wasn’t a sex addict, and pretty much everybody reading this is, so, what are we going to do?
Not a lifetime vow of chastity…but, rather a “Finite period of chastity”. 60 days will work, very handily.
My wife and I have done that twice in the last 4 1/2 years. It was really sloppy, but we did it, and it was unspeakably spiritually invigorating for our marriage.
One caveat. You have to do this intentionally.
If you are just hanging around, with your fingers crossed, hoping for the best, it will be a snake pit of resentment…and you’ll just act out.
On the other hand, if you choose to do it, you can get back to that youthful love you used to feel…and your wife won’t lose her jewelry.
Gandhi 37
Gandhi and Bill Wilson were, arguably, the two most powerful men in the 20th century. As there were more people in the 20th century then we were in the previous 14 centuries… That’s a lot of power.
"Power is of two kinds. Power based on love is a thousand times more effective and permanent than the one derived from fear of punishment."
"Non-violence is the greatest force at the disposal of mankind. It is mightier than the mightiest weapon of destruction devised by the ingenuity of man."
"In a gentle way, you can shake the world."