Gandhi 32
While AA warns us not to “Rest on our laurels”, Gandhi says that there are two stages of enlightenment: Action and Repose. But, he proposes a unique idea, contrary to the Hindu religion that he was so faithful to. Once you attain enlightenment, you are supposed to live one more life (Hindus believe in reincarnation) and this time “Enjoy your successes” …minus the addictions.
“For the man who seeks to scale the heights of spirituality, action is said to be the means. For the same man, when he has scaled those heights, repose is said to be the means.”
“For the man who aspires to master himself, the only means is work. If a person lets himself be beaten for a long time on the anvil of work, someday he may be enlightened. For him who has established himself in self-actualization, the right means of continuing in this state is repose.”
“After attaining freedom, one has one step further to go...To enjoy embodied existence as a consequence of one's good deeds as well.”
Gandhi 33
Gandhi was very difficult to get along with, financially.
On the one hand he had a vow of poverty so he always went third class rail railway when he traveled. I road third class railroad throughout the length of Thailand…and it is not pretty.
He also insisted on walking whenever he could. So, Gandhi was a constant source of perplexity and frustration to his many friends who were doing everything they could to rise out of the bone-crushing poverty that India has historically been known for.
On the other hand, people gave him enormous gifts. Hermann Kallenbach gave him 1000 acres of land to start his first chaste community.
Gandhi was scrupulously honest and accurate with his money and tallied it every night.
Sarojini Naidu, then president of the Indian National Congress, famously remarked about Gandhi that "it costs a lot of money to keep this man in poverty."
Still, Gandhi died with only six possessions…quite happy materially.
"Earth provides enough to satisfy every man's needs but not every man’s greeds."
"There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread."
"Poverty is the worst form of violence."
"Seek not greater wealth, but simpler pleasure; not higher fortune, but deeper felicity."
"And, on the other hand, you find the less you possess, the less you want, the better you are. And better for what? Not for the enjoyment of this life, but for enjoyment of personal service to your fellow beings, service to which you dedicate yourselves, body, soul and mind."
Gandhi 34
As PrayerCall practices Step Eleven 28 times a week, we might benefit from Gandhi’s experience on prayer:
“Prayer is the key of the morning and the bolt of the evening.”
“Prayer is not asking. It is a longing of the soul. It is daily admission of one's weakness
“It is better in prayer to have a heart without words than words without a heart.”
“I have not the slightest doubt that prayer is an unfailing means of cleansing the heart of passions.”
“I have no doubt that there is a key to lock out undesirable thoughts, but everyone has to find it out for himself. Saints and seers have left their experiences for us, but they have given us no infallible and universal prescription.”
“Involuntary thought is an affectation of the mind, and curbing of thought, therefore, means curbing of the mind which is even more difficult to curb than the wind. Nevertheless the existence of God within makes even control of the mind possible.”
Gandhi 35
A Vow of Chastity within Marriage.
The angriest, short of murder, that I have ever seen a person be, was a Sexaholic who I suggested might want to extend his chastity past his wedding day. Nothing makes people more self-righteous than this.
Of the 60,000 calls I have taken in the last 33 years the majority of them are from men complaining about how their wives are not sexually satisfying…like they used to be.
Or…women heartbrokenly opining that “They don’t feel heard.”
Both are profoundly stunned when I suggest a finite period of chastity.
Neither can believe that I am not agreeing with their “finger-wagging” at their spouse.
Gandhi ways it succinctly:
“There are more occasions for quarreling where the love is selfish and bounded.”
If I am dependent on my wife for sex, she is not an equal…she is my slave.
Does that sound selfish to you?
“He who realizes this will control his lust at any cost.”
Any cost?
How about 60 days of chastity?
Patrick Cranes the founder of all sex addiction theory, when he started out in the 70’s, would not take a couple’s money until they agreed to “8-12 weeks” of chastity.
He found that, once the couple agreed, “They couldn’t keep their hands off each other”.
Think about your marriage: Wouldn’t you like to get back to where you were having out of control sex? Guys…I know you.
It’s hard to do…
“I have always therefore regarded myself as a lustful, though faithful husband. It took me long to get free from the shackles of lust, and I had to pass through many ordeals before I could overcome them.”
“To be fair to my wife, I must say that she was never the temptress. It was therefore the easiest thing for me to take the vow of chastity, if only I willed it. It was my weak will or lustful attachment that was the obstacle.”
Puccini, in the most popular opera of all time, Madam Butterfly, says “There is no woman who does not desire love”. I am certain that it hurt her feelings when Gandhi said she was not a “temptress”.
Still, despite that stupid comment:
“Even after my conscience had been roused in the matter, I failed twice (note: his wife says three times).”
“I failed because the motive that actuated the effort was none the highest. My main object was to escape having more children.
Seeing, therefore, that I did not desire more children I began to strive after self-control. There was endless difficulty in the task. We began to sleep in separate beds.”
They struggled. They fought. They pouted….but, they succeeded.
“It became my conviction that procreation and the consequent care of children were inconsistent with public service.”
“If I wanted to devote myself to the service of the community in this manner, I must relinquish the desire for children and wealth.”
Mrs Gandhi had to not only give up sex, but give up her jewels.
I had a jeweler say to me once “ You know, women are the wiser sex…but, look how they act when they see small, shiny, things”
Poor Mrs. Gandhi…I mean, really!
But the struggle went on:
“Up to this time I had not met with success because the will have been lacking, because I had no faith in myself, no faith in the grace of God, and therefore, my mind had been tossed on the boisterous sea of doubt.”
“I realize that in refusing to take a vow a man was drawn into temptation, and that to be bound by a vow was like a passage from libertinism to a real monogamous marriage.”
"I believe in effort I do not want to bind myself with vows,” is the mentality of weakness and betrays a subtle desire for that thing to be avoided. Or where can be the difficulty of making a final decision?
“But supposing my views are changed in the future, how can I bind myself by a vow? Such a doubt often deters us. But that doubt also betrays a lack of a clear perception that a particular thing must be renounced.”
And they did it…
Now Gandhi wasn’t a sex addict, and pretty much everybody reading this is, so, what are we going to do?
Not a lifetime vow of chastity…but, rather a “Finite period of chastity”. 60 days will work, very handily.
My wife and I have done that twice in the last 4 1/2 years. It was really sloppy, but we did it, and it was unspeakably spiritually invigorating for our marriage.
One caveat. You have to do this intentionally.
If you are just hanging around, with your fingers crossed, hoping for the best, it will be a snake pit of resentment…and you’ll just act out.
On the other hand, if you choose to do it, you can get back to that youthful love you used to feel…and your wife won’t lose her jewelry.
Gandhi 36
Gandhi and Bill Wilson were, arguably, the two most powerful men in the 20th century. As there were more people in the 20th century then we were in the previous 14 centuries… That’s a lot of power
Power is of two kinds. Power based on love is a thousand times more effective and permanent than the one derived from fear of punishment.
Non-violence is the greatest force at the disposal of mankind. It is mightier than the mightiest weapon of destruction devised by the ingenuity of man.
In a gentle way, you can shake the world.
Gandhi 37
Gandhi had faith in the inherent goodness latent in men and women:
“A small body of determined spirits fired by an unquenchable faith in their mission can alter the course of history.”
“A nation's culture resides in the hearts and in the soul of its people.”
“You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.”
But, he could laugh about it: “First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.”
Gandhi 38
Not many people can talk directly and authoritatively about evil, but Gandhi could.
“This suggests that evil cannot by itself flourish in this world. It can do so only if it is allied with some good.”
“Evil endures only because of the support it receives from good people, and cannot survive if that support is withdrawn.”
Gandhi 39
Al-Anon contributes a unique tool to the 12 step canon “Detaching with Love”.
Gandhi is a touch verbose here…but it is still the same deal:
“Attachment begets craving and craving begets wrath. Wrath breeds stupefaction, stupefaction leads to loss of memory, loss of memory ruins the reason, and the ruin of reason spells utter destruction.”
“If things do not bind us, if we are not attached to things even when they are easily available, that, according to me, is a greater test of our attachment than mere withdrawal to a lonely forest.”
Gandhi 40
Gandhi grew up a strict Hindu but attended a temple where the holy Scriptures of both the Muslims and the Hindus were studied for their universal truths. He was eventually murdered, by a Hindu, who believed that Gandhi was conceding too much to the Muslims during parcelling of India and Pakistan after World War II.
“God is the hardest taskmaster on this earth. He tries you through and through. And when you find that your faith is failing, he comes to your assistance and proves that he is always with you, but on his terms, not yours.”
“I believe in both Gods, the one that serves us and the one that we serve. It cannot be that we should render service and should not receive service of any kind.”
“The man who really lives a life of contemplation will outwardly seem a man of the world. His mind may be absorbed in God all hours of the day, but he will move in the world like other men.”
“Seeing God means realization of the fact that God abides in one's heart.”
“I have faith and knowledge, too, that a Power exists beyond reasoning. This suffices for me. I am unable to clarify this any further as I know nothing more in the matter.”
Gandhi 41
Gandhi was sometimes accused being ambitious, but that’s not true.
Service without humility is selfishness and egotism.
Only he who has a spirit of extreme humility can be said to have a resolute intellect.
Gandhi 42
This next is a tricky tool, particularly for those on OA and FA, because, if you have an eating disorder, it can “set you up” to binge. Talk to your sponsor…first. It is not a 12 step tool, but it is very effective in stopping lust, which if done moderately, and with the help of an experienced sponsor, can help eradicate lust.
Those who make light of dietetic restrictions and fasting are as much in error as those who stake their all on them.
At that time I did not understand, or nor did I believe in, the efficacy of fasting.
Fasting is useful, when mind cooperates with starving body, that is to say, when it cultivates a distaste for the objects that are denied to the body.
“I was anxious to observe chastity in thought word and deed, and equally anxious to devote the maximum time to the nonviolent noncooperation struggle and fit myself for it by cultivating purity. I was therefore led to make further changes and to impose greater restraints upon myself in the matter of food. The motive for the previous changes have been largely hygienic, but the new experiments were made from a religious standpoint.”
“I therefore came to attach greater importance to fasting or having only one meal a day on holidays.”
“Desiring to practice self-restraint, for instance, was a regulation requiring the last meal to be finished before sunset.”
But I know that it does not necessarily follow that fasting and similar disciplines would have the same effect for all.
It is common knowledge that the senses are powerless without food, and so fasting undertaken with a view to control the senses is, I have no doubt, very helpful.
Mind is at the root of all sensuality. Fasting, therefore, has a limited use, for a fasting man may continue to be swayed by passion.
When we are fasting, our desire should be to see God. Our appetites stand in the way, and so we must weaken their hold on us.
To see Him, one should completely conquer one's appetites.
When a man starves his senses, the object of those senses disappear from him, but not the yearning for them. The yearning to departs when he beholds the Supreme.
The observance of celibacy has been found, from experience, to be extremely difficult so long as one is not acquired mastery over taste. Control of the palate has, therefore, been placed as a principle by itself.