Gandhi 1
Probably the most useful thing, to addicts, that Gandhi ever said was ”God is Truth”.
When I walked in the door 40 years ago, as freshly newly-minted addict in recovery, and was faced with “The God of my understanding” on the wall, I turned around and walked out the door.
If someone had gently pulled me aside and simply said “ Don’t worry about figuring out God on your first day. Just go with “God is Truth”, I might not have stayed drunk another year.
The reason that is important is that when I first come in, I lie to myself. I said things like “Well, I still have my job, my wife, my apartment and car, so it’s not really that bad”.
I was leaving out things like I was smoking two packs of cigarettes a day, I was 60 pounds overweight, I was having an affair for three years with one of my students and I was terribly in debt.
Like everyone else, my personal childhood religion, Episcopalianism, wasn’t fully addressing my problems and then there was the pesky question of wars, pestilence and famine.
Now the truth is, I was focusing on those things so I could avoid looking at myself.
I was a mess…
Gandhi 2
One of the beautiful things about Gandhi’s approach to spirituality was his emphasis the physical body, much like that of the humble YMCA, which was founded in 1844 in London borrowing Rousseau’s concept of “Muscular Christianity”.
Rousseau was the spiritual architect of the French Revolution and he noticed that the people in his religion were physically weak.
Subsequently, in 1891, the YMCA invented basketball to address this physical weakness.
The Gandhi quote that I find most useful about physical health is: “As with the body, so with the Universe.”
This is revolutionary…
It says to me that if I see the world as some messed up miasma of selfish, dishonest, cowardly, extreme and obsessed knuckle-dragging Neanderthals…that the problem is really me!
Al-anon would later state this more simply “If I am not the problem…there is no solution”.
So, if I stop getting drunk, taking drugs, eating too much and quit smoking the world looks like a tolerable place.
Unfortunately, as an addict, I can’t do this, by myself, and that can take a very long time to learn.
But, if I “Keep coming back”, and am blessed with a little luck, I can slowly begin to see that “As with the body…so with the Universe”.
Gandhi 3
Seven years ago our 39th President Jimmy Carter, 34 years after his presidency ended, made a startling announcement, “Women’s rights is going to be my highest priority the rest of my life”.
Carter grew up with rampant, unattended alcoholism in his family and the value of his presidency has been questioned more than once.
But, as I raised my daughter myself, have a young wife and would like to have another daughter, he caught my ear, or rather, my heart that day.
Gandhi had something similar to say: “To call woman the weaker sex is a libel; it is man’s injustice to woman. If by strength is meant brute strength, then, indeed, is woman less brute than man. If by strength is meant moral power, then woman is immeasurably man's superior. Has she not greater intuition, is she not more self-sacrificing, has she not greater powers of endurance, has she not greater courage? Without her, man could not be. If nonviolence is the law of our being, the future is with woman. Who can make a more effective appeal to the heart than woman?"
I, too, believe what those men said and am tailoring the new Offices to be more inclusive of women’s needs.
Perhaps it’s time to see if we can find some of the feminine character in God.
Gandhi 4
The 1982 Richard Attenborough movie “Gandhi” opens and closes with this incredibly famous line about truth, love and faith. Personally, it gives me courage.
“When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants and murderers, and for a time, they can seem invincible, but in the end, they always fall. Think of it--always.”
Gandhi 5
12 Step learned that if you first surrendered alcohol, it made alcoholics more likely to be available to connect with God.
Then, they found that that was true about surrendering controlling dysfunctional relationships in Al-Anon, in 1951.
Then, the floodgates opened and people found that particular dynamic of surrender worked with gambling, food, sex, debting, smoking, etc.
Gandhi and Bill Wilson both believed, and both practiced, service as the most money-back guaranteed, sure-fire way to find God.
Religion is good. Therapy is good. But unselfish, humble service is something that makes all women and men able to, not only perceive God…but to feel God.
Gandhi would say, "A life of service must be one of humility."
Gandhi 6
When I think about who I am, after recognizing that I am, as Carl Jung and The Police would say “a spirit in the material world”, I see myself, in purely human terms, as a survivor of childhood abuse…then as an addict.
The salient feature of a “survivor”, prior to recovery from that devastating experience, is fear. Fear of not being safe in the world.
Gandhi provides an incredibly powerful tool for days when I feel that way: “In Brahmacharya lies the protection of the body, the mind and the soul”.
It means that, just for that day, I am intentionally self/restrained sexually.
Now, I am very attracted to my beautiful wife.
She actually says I am blinded by love and can’t see her objectively.
To that I quote Brad Paisley “ To the world you may be just another girl. But, to me…you are the world”.
But there are days when, despite my youthful liberality, I need to conserve my energy, to feel more strength as I move through my day and “In Brahmacharya lies the protection of the body, the mind and the soul”…works just dandily.
Gandhi 7
One of my favorite slogans is “Celibacy, Service and Laughter”. It keeps me focused.
Gandhi said it this way: “If I had no sense of humor…I would long ago have committed suicide.”
Gandhi 8
Gandhi believed, as Bill Wilson believed that misuse of sex was a primary grounding from which other disease springs.
In Bill’s view, the misuse of the three instincts for “sex, security and society” (p. 50 AA 12x12) leads to character defects, which leads to drinking.
In Gandhi’s view, sex was designed for one purpose only, “To create children”. He believed that the seminal power, when used, leaves the body vulnerable.
In truth though, Bill cheated on his wife virtually all his life and Gandhi was perfectly faithful.
Yet, Gandhi said “For all restraint, whatever prompts it, is wholesome for men.”
And Bill would say on page 91 of the 12x12 “Our first objective will be the development of self-restraint”.
Gandhi 9
Gandhi was married when he was 13 years old. He had been betrothed three times before that, but all of his fiancee’s had died in childhood. Kasturba, his life-long wife and only sexual partner had some unique challenges in her life. I mean can you imagine living with Gandhi?
“A quality which most Hindu wives possess in some measure: willingly or unwillingly, consciously or unconsciously, she has considered herself blessed in following in my footsteps, and has never stood in the way of my endeavor to live a life of restraint.”
Bill, on the other hand, refused to let his wife write the chapter “To Wives” in the Big Book and instead offered it to Anne, Doctor Bob’s wife, who refused.
Lois, Bill’s wife was so incensed…that she started Al-Anon. God bless her…
Gandhi 10
Gandhi was probably the meekest man since Moses, and when you were in his light you couldn’t help but get better in your relationships because you were seeing, with your own eyes, how that was done.
He said something that Al-anon would run with: “Nobody can hurt me without my permission.”
Gandhi 11
As hard as it was to be Gandhi’s wife, being Bill’s wife was harder.
Gandhi would sweetly and courageously say: “The wife, with her matchless powers of endurance, has always been the victor.”
Gandhi 12
One of the great things about being sexually sober, particularly during periods of finite chastity, is the tremendous social resilience and happiness that accompanies it. My sobriety has an effect, as active disease does. Gandhi addresses this in his own pithy way: “My life is my message.”
Gandhi 13
Vows are completely contrary to 12 step belief and practice. We simply can’t think beyond today, or, as we have found in PrayerCall, the next three hours.
Personally, I have only taken two vows in my life. One, having done my childhood abuse work, I decided to be one of the 9% of people who break off all relations with their family of origin, because it is simply too unsafe. I took a vow never to see my mother again and I took one never to see my father again. It was the right thing for me to do…
“The more or less successful practice of self-control had been going on since 1901, but the freedom and joy that came after taking the vow had never been experienced before 1906.”
“Vows...I am able to testify that they have also served as my shield. I am of the opinion that they have added a few years to my life and saved me from many an illness.”
“In about a month of my (taking the vow) the foundation of nonviolent non-cooperation was laid. As though unknown to me, the vow had been preparing me for it.”
“A life without vows is like a ship without anchor.”
Gandhi 14
Gandhi believed, incredibly simply, that “God is Truth” and Bill Wilson taught us that you could get to God by simply being honest.
Gandhi was tough on religion and tougher on Atheists. Bill was more tolerant, forbearing and patient.
“In the time of the Prophet Mohammed, prayer, fasting and keeping awake at night were considered essential for subduing the senses.To the Prophet, fasting brought happiness, for it was an occasion when he could live constantly in the presence of God.
Jesus did likewise. He lived in solitude, fasted for 40 days and subjected his body to the utmost mortification. Those who followed him taught the same thing. There has been a tradition of fasting and prayer in Europe right to the present day. And then came Luther in Germany. He said that the others had misinterpreted the text, and their lives were all deception. The Protestants believed that there was nothing but hypocrisy in the Catholic practices, and so they destroyed the practice of fasting, a most potent means of realizing God.”
“In matters of religion beliefs differ, and each one's is supreme for himself. If all had the same beliefs about all matters of religion there would be only one religion in the world.”
“It is possible to draw any number of ideas from the Bible, the Vedas, the Koran and other scriptures. I have come across persons who justified even murder on the authority of these works.”
“My message to the Christians would be to cultivate humility instead of arrogating to themselves the exclusive possession of absolute truth."
“The priest has ever sacrificed the prophet.”
“Atheism is merely a pose.”
Gandhi 15
Gandhi and Bill Wilson both believed in the immortal soul. (If you don’t think this is true, see the last line in the AA 12x12, Step Eleven)
“The soul exists, and is distinct from the body.”
“The soul is imperishable.”
If these lines are true…then it is a complete game changer.
Gandhi 16
Here is something for all the workaholics who are listening:
“There is more to life than increasing its speed.”
“I believed then and I believe even now, that, no matter what amount of work one has, one should always find some time for exercise, just as one does for one's meals. It is in my humble opinion that, far from taking away from one's capacity for work, it adds to it.”
Gandhi 17
Of all Gandhi’s writings the below is the most repugnant and abhorrent for a sex addict…Beware!
“I have an impression that at the moment his words (the poet who first suggested this idea) sounded harsh, but they gripped me irresistibly.”
“What then, I asked myself should be my relation with my wife? Did my faithfulness consist in making my wife the instrument of my lust? So long as I was a slave of lust, my faithfulness was worth nothing.”
“I had been wedded to a monogamous ideal ever since my marriage, faithfulness to my wife being part of the love of truth.
But it was in South Africa that I came to realize the importance of observing chastity even with respect to my wife.”
Jesus says the exact same thing in Matthew 19:12.
Gandhi 18
Here is some likable wisdom about getting along with other people:
“Tolstoy said, "If we would get off the backs of our neighbors the world would be quite alright without our help."”
“I greatly value those who abuse me. For they are candid and if I can convince them, they work wonders.”
Gandhi 19
Gandhi valued his body, but not only his…and he didn’t take himself too damn seriously:
“I wanted to improve and train my body.”
“Today I know that physical training should have as much place in the curriculum as mental training.”
“It was my desire to teach these little ones physical exercise and make them hardy.”
“I must have taken about six dance lessons. But it was beyond me to achieve anything like rhythmic motion…”
Gandhi 20
“It became my conviction that procreation and the consequent care of children were inconsistent with public service.”
“If I wanted to devote myself to the service of the community in this manner, I must relinquish the desire for children and wealth.”
“Those who want to perform national service, or those who want to have a glimpse of the real religious life, must lead a celibate life, no matter if married or unmarried.”
Saint Paul says the same thing in 1st Corinthians 7.