Chastity Office #47

The 1976 film Rocky I and the 2015 film Creed I both have a deft, subversive and pugilistic underground message “Sex makes your legs weak”.

If that is really true (and I have heard that said by a professional boxing promoter I know) then, while you’re practicing finite Chastity, it might be fun to try some things that require really strong legs, like running, biking or swimming…Just to see if you notice any difference.

Chastity Office #48

Step Four : Made a fearless and searching moral inventory of ourselves” then read, as a Fifth Step, to Matt D. on Sunday March 19, 2023.

Is it possible that everything sexually that I have ever done is wrong?

The Big Book, on page 69, asks me nine questions about sex:

Where have I been selfish, dishonest or inconsiderate?

Did I unjustifiably arouse jealousy, suspicion or bitterness?

Whom have I hurt?

Where was I at fault and what should I have done instead?

If I leave out the many, many women I have been sexual with because we both thought it was fun at the time, and look only at the two women I have loved and the five women I have been in love with in my life, I hurt all of these women, when I left them. I also hurt all of them, again, by going back and forth after breaking up.

Chastity Office #49

Honestly, as tough as Chastity is, it ain’t enough…if I am still doing ancillary self-destructive behaviors.

Cause with Chastity I feel more…so doing bad stuff makes me feel even worser!

Chastity Office #50

Surrendering sexual behaviors that cause “pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization” are the actions that define sexual sobriety.

But…to “Develop my character”, I must surrender objectification, fantasy and intrigue.

These three things define my “Sexual Character. 

Chastity Office #51

After I get sober from sex addiction (The hardware) I need to deal with my thinking (The software).

We have Offices specifically designed for that (The Codependency Readings and the Adult Children of Alcoholic Readings).

They say that “Once you take away the porn from a sex addict…what you have left is a codependent.”

Internal emotional/spiritual balance is between the extreme of narcissism and the extreme of codependence.

These issues are not apparent to me when I am using porn, masturbating, cheating on my partner, intriguing, fantasizing or objectifying.

So, if I get the opportunity to work on the balance between the extremes of codependence and narcissism…I am clearly growing in sex addiction recovery.

Chastity Office #52

Sexual sobriety is not enough…for me.

I need to let go of other things that I find harmful…and that’s quite a list.

Healthy food and regular moderate exercise makes me feel robust and strong, which is how I envision and experience genuine sobriety.

Otherwise, for me…I am “Stark raving sober”…and that doesn’t sound too good.

Chastity Office #53

The Big Book refers to fear as an “Evil and corroding thread”.

For me, fear is a feeling, but to act on fear is cowardice…and that is corroding.

I need to Act with Courage…

But, I only get that opportunity to Act with Courage and face my fears, if I am sexually sober…and that includes objectification, fantasy and intrigue.

Chastity Office #54

Fantasy is imagining being sexual with someone or replaying previous sexual memories…and both assault my character. 

My mind become weak, porous and vulnerable to other negative thinking.

When I allow that, other addictions start to leak in, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.

Where do I draw a line in the sand and say “No more!”.

12 Step teaches “Prayer does not change God…it changes me”.

If I am doing something addictive, like fantasizing, I can simply pray the first three steps, as a prayer, and it will change me.

Chastity Office #55

Intrigue is middle circle. It is a “Yellow light” 

that cautions me that I am headed for a “Red Light”.

I am clear that sexualizing conversations with a woman (I am a straight male) is middle circle.

But, just having proximity to certain people can be dicey.

I love what the Sexaholics say “If you don’t know whether or not what you are doing sexually is okay…ask your wife”.

Chastity Office #56

God,

We all think you’re up there in the sky, watching everything we do, hoping you are feeling merciful.

We all think you have given us life and, on a good day, we try to be grateful.

If you could just give me a nudge, from time to time, to lighten up and not “take myself too damned seriously” I sho’ would appreciate it.

Amen

Chastity Office #57

Social Resiliency is the greatest gift of Chastity.

Chastity Office #58

 “Repent and Live”.

What does that mean to me?

To let go of my sexual obsession and relax and have fun…just for today.

Chastity Office #59

When I am in withdrawal I remember will feel:

  1. Washed out
  2. Like I’m gonna die
  3. Like the world is gonna end

And while I am feeling that way… try to be grateful that I am getting more sober.

Chastity Office #60

Even if you are not masturbating, using porn or cheating on your wife.

Even if you are perfectly celibate.

Even if objectification, fantasy and intrigue are pretty much at absolute zero in your life…

There is still sexual desire…

The AA 12x12 says:

“It is nowhere evident, at least in this life, that our Creator expects us fully to eliminate our instinctual drives.  So far as we know, it is nowhere on the record that God has completely removed from any human being all his natural drives.”

So that natural drive is going to stay…

How do we keep it from turning from desire to obsession?

Gandhi has a thought:

“I found that complete control of the palate made the observance of the vow of chastity very easy.”

SLAA also has a positive suggestion:
“Some of us took up jogging, or other exercises that required greater physical effort. These helped to provide a physical sensation of tiredness which could fill the void left by the absence of sexual release, or even replace it.”

So, they say complete control of my food and greater physical exercise, both help.

Chastity Office #61

The Ten Points:

1. Completely giving ourselves to this simple Program;

2. Practicing rigorous honesty;

3. Being willing to go to any lengths to recover;

4. Realizing that there is no easier, softer way;

5. Being fearless and thorough in our practice of the principles;

6. Letting go of our old ideas absolutely;

7. Recognizing that half measures will not work;

8. Asking God’s protection and care with complete abandon;

9. Being willing to grow along spiritual lines;

10. Accepting the following pertinent ideas as proved by All Addicts Anonymous experience:

(a) that you cannot manage your own life;

(b) that probably no human power can restore you to sanity;

(c) that God can and will if sought.