Chastity Office 40
Jesus only mentions sex three times: Once warning about divorce, once warning about objectifying and then this curious, very little utilized, passage: "There are those who choose to live like eunuchs to know the kingdom of heaven. If you can accept it, accept it”.
Eunuchs are people who don’t have sex and there are, according to him, three kinds:
- People born that way
- People who are made that way: Members of the ancient Chinese Emperor’s staff, Italian Castrato (young boys who sang very high parts in operas during the mid 16th century) and various felons who were being punished, typically for sexual crimes
- And then...people who want to know the Kingdom of heaven
Now wait a minute...You mean to say first of all that there really is a kingdom of heaven... and then you say that to know it I must give up sex!
Yeah, that’s pretty much Jesus’ observation.
Are you crazy? I don’t want to give up sex...
But, on the other hand, if this is true, I don’t miss the boat on the kingdom of heaven, either.
What can I do?
There is a way to have both...“Finite periods of chastity”. A minimum of 60 days is what my sponsor taught me.
60 days abstinence ain’t bad...to get the kingdom of God
Chastity Office 41
‘’Life without celibacy appears to me to be insipid and animal like”.
_Gandhi
This may be the harshest thing I’ve ever heard Gandhi say.
Although the last part is rather obviously true, for me, if I am honest.
When I feel sexual desire coursing through me, I feel my body move into a “hunter” mode...even though I am acting very, very refined, delicate, boundaried, appropriate and safe.
So that’s fair...
How about insipid?
That word means “Lacking flavor”.
In truth, when I am chaste every one of my senses are heightened.
Also, when I am chaste, I feel more deeply, my life is more finely tuned and my judgement is more accurate.
So, what is the opposite of “Heightened senses”, “ Feeling life more deeply” and “Perceiving life more finely”?
Insipid...
Yeah, so he’s probably right...
So, how do I process and integrate this truth into my marriage?
I balance an active, passionate, physical, tender, playful sex life with: “Finite chastity periods” (typically a 60 day minimum).
Chastity Office 42
“Chastity is happiness”.
If chosen, finite, chastity raises self-esteem in a sex addict more efficaciously than any other action, and it does...then chastity paves the way for the freedom of happiness.
Chastity Office 43
“Control of the palate is the first essential in the observation of the chastity vow”.
_Gandhi
Why does that work?
Because when I am super hungry...A pretty girl is not near as interesting as a broiled steak.
Chastity Office 44
“Keep a path far from her, lest you give your best strength to others”.
_Proverbs 5:8
When I am doing a 60 day celibacy period, it may be a good idea to keep some distance from my beloved...if I am feeling vulnerable.
As Gandhi would say, “Renunciation without aversion is not lasting”.
AA would say, “If you keep hanging around a barbershop...you are going to end up getting a haircut”.
Chastity Office 45
“Do not give your strength to women, your vigor to those who ruin kings”.
_Proverbs 31:3
Well, I am no king, but I certainly don’t want to be “Ruined”.
During this “Finite period of chastity” with my wife I have enjoyed: a strong energy boost, more productivity, better sense of humor, better health, more exercise and more social resilience.
I don’t want to give that up today.
Chastity Office 46
“When should you have sex with a woman?...When you want to lose the strength you have”.
_Pythagorus
I want to be strong in relationships, to take care of myself, to keep my boundaries, so as not to feel victimized.
I want to be strong physically: cardiovascular, flexibility, strength, endurance and conformation.
I want to be strong financially so I can take care of myself, my wife and my son.
I want to be strong spiritually and that means being honest and loving, with myself, God and others.