Chastity Office 215
After I get sober from sex addiction (The hardware) I need to deal with my thinking (The software).
We have Offices specifically designed for that (The Codependency Readings and the Adult Children of Alcoholic Readings).
They say that “Once you take away the porn from a sex addict…what you have left is a codependent.”
Extreme caring for others is codependence.
Extreme self-care is narcissism .
Internal emotional/spiritual balance is between the extreme of narcissism and the extreme of codependence.
These issues are not apparent to me when I am using porn, masturbating, cheating on my partner, intriguing, fantasizing or objectifying.
So, if I get the opportunity to work on the balance between the extremes of codependence and narcissism…I am clearly growing in sex addiction recovery.
Chastity Office 216
I have been experimenting the last month with a technique that I learned from Gandhi’s work: A Vow of Chastity.
It works really well…
It feels like a protective shield, which makes me feel safe.
Chastity Office 217
If I wander into my middle circle of “Intrigue, fantasy or objectification“ I open up an aperture that tears into the shield of my recovery…and the obsession returns.
As a sex addict I then become, as the AA 12x12 says, a “Victim of a mental obsession so subtly powerful that no amount of human willpower could break it”.
If that happens, it will get worse, to the point where, finally, “I stand ready to do anything which will lift the merciless obsession from us.”
Thank God…
Chastity Office 218
“It was the best of times. It was the worst of times”.
Charles Dickens
With a new sexual bottom line in place the last 16 1/2 months I am the best I have ever been spiritually.
But, I am also in a fairly challenging marriage, so I need to remember that that leaves me in a rather vulnerable position.
I must never get complacent about my sexual sobriety…one day, three hours at a time.
Chastity Office 219
Sexual sobriety is not enough…for me.
I need to let go of other things that I find harmful…and that’s quite a list.
Actually, I don’t feel sober if I use nicotine or caffeine. Everyone is different, but all I need to remember is that “I am bodily and mentally different from my fellows” and be rigorously honest with myself.
Also, on a day-in-day-out basis, I need to watch my food and my exercise.
Healthy food and regular moderate exercise makes me feel robust and strong, which is how envision and experience genuinely, sobriety.
Otherwise, for me…I am “Stark raving sober”…and that don’t sound too good.
Chastity Office 220
It is said in 12 step “I am a resentment addict”.
Once I stop using porn, masturbating, cheating on my partner and stop fantasizing, objectifying and intriguing…a massive wave of resentment comes up within me.
That’s where a “Fearless and searching moral inventory” of my resentments becomes useful.
It may appear, in my self-pity, that this is not fair…I mean, I’ve given up the above six sexual behaviors…and now I am left with a snake pit of resentment?
But, this is my opportunity to “Develop my character”.
How?
By choosing to be grateful that I am now able to clearly see my resentments, through the Fourth Step.
I am grateful for my handful of resentments…because when I see them, I am on the path that will lead me to freedom.
It’s all about attitude…
Chastity Office 221
The Big Book refers to fear as an “Evil and corroding thread”.
For me, fear is a feeling, but to act on fear is cowardice…and that is corroding.
I need to Act with Courage…and I have today.
But, I only get that opportunity to Act with Courage and face my fears, if I am sexually sober…and that includes objectification, fantasy and intrigue.