Chastity Office 211
The 1976 film Rocky I and the 2015 film Creed I both have a deft, subversive and pugilistic underground message “Sex makes your legs weak”.
If that is really true (and I have heard that said by a professional boxing promoter I know) then, while you’re practicing finite Chastity, it might be fun to try some things that require really strong legs, like running, biking or swimming…Just to see if you notice any difference.
I notice it, and if I add a Chastity Slogan, while I am running, then my mind and body are in harmony…and I run even harder.
Chastity Office 212
Step Four : Made a fearless and searching moral inventory of ourselves” then read, as a Fifth Step, to Matt D. on Sunday March 19, 2023.
Is it possible that everything sexually that I have ever done is wrong?
The Big Book, on page 69, asks me nine questions about sex:
Where have I been selfish, dishonest or inconsiderate?
Did I unjustifiably arouse jealousy, suspicion or bitterness?
Whom have I hurt?
Where was I at fault and what should I have done instead?
If I leave out the many, many women I have been sexual with because we both thought it was fun at the time, and look only at the two women I have loved and the five women I have been in love with in my life:
Candy
Diane
Carol
Joanne
Tara
Allison
Alona
I find the following:
Selfish?
Carol…I was running away from my feelings of being abused by my parents as a child/teenager and burying myself in her arms.
Joanne…I had given up masturbation and affairs, but my motive was to have sober sex.
Tara…I loved her deeply, but I was totally relationship addicted.
Allison…I married her, we bought a house together, but my motive was to be married in sexual sobriety.
Diane…I loved her, but I also encouraged her to do everything sexual that was possible for a couple to do.
Alona…Every thing was perfect, even my primary motive, which was to have more children. That is as unselfish as I was able to be seven years ago.
Dishonest?
Candy…I was saying that genital contact, without traditional, oral or manual orgasmic sex, was not sex (We were 15 and too afraid to go “ All the way”).
Hurt:
I hurt all of these women, when I left them. I also hurt all of them, again, by going back and forth after breaking up.
Jealousy, Suspicion or Bitterness:
Diane jealousy, Tara suspicion, Alona bitterness
Inconsiderate:
No, I was a “nice guy” codependent the whole time I was doing the wrong thing.
Where was I at fault?
In every instance I was at fault. If the purpose of sex, for me, really is to create children, then I was wrong in every instance.
Could everything I have done sexually be wrong? …except for when I conceived my daughter and my son?
Yes, that’s possible.
If that is true, then I have completely started over with a new “Sexual Ideal” 16 1/2 months ago.
Chastity Office 213
I have to be honest about something that doesn’t make me look politically correct.
…I don’t feel comfortable having sex with overweight girls.
That makes Chastity 75% easier…because three out of four girls, in my country, are overweight.
PrayerCall is keeping me chaste…so is Pizza Hut!
Chastity Office 214
Surrendering sexual behaviors that cause “pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization” are the actions that define sexual sobriety.
But…to “Develop my character”, I must surrender objectification, fantasy and intrigue.
These three things define my “Sexual Character".