Chastity Office #18
“We all go into to a relationship with baggage.”
Ellen Bass
The Courage to Heal
Actually, I go in with a full complement of Samsonite.
In my life, the person I have loved the most is my daughter Jennifer. That’s not surprising. There’s something about the love of your first child that can never be repeated. Every parent knows this…but we don’t speak it.
Six years ago I bought a ticket to the Philippines to meet Alona. My daughter said “If you go, I will never speak to you again and will never let my children speak to you”. It caused me to pause for 18 months…
The only two vows I have ever taken were to never see my mother and father as long as I lived, after I confronted them about their sexual abusing me…and they denied it.
I was good to my word…and my daughter saw that. And then, 4 1/2 years ago, I chose to go to meet my wife.
One of character defect is the tendency to be, as my daughter describes it, “My braggy Dad”. That being the case, still, I, humbly, submit that my daughter was raised…pretty much as good as it can be done.
She was good to her word and has never once spoken to me, in person, on the phone, by text or email.
When my son was born two years ago I remembered the Leonine efforts I made to raise my daughter by myself. I remembered also…the results.
I’ve been a good father; changing diapers, making formula, playing with him like a child faithfully, being emotionally present, and the traditional Dad stuff of “bringing home the bacon”…
Last night, in Leland’s meeting, we read: “If you were ignored or neglected, your basic value was denied.”
I am doing neither of those things… But, I’m not “All chips in”.
So…today at 6:30 AM, after the first PrayerCall call, I let my wife sleep, I changed Gummy’s diapers, fed him filet mignon, and spent two hours teaching and playing keyboards on GarageBand with him on his iPad.
In truth, it is the chastity that helped me not see it…but rather to do something about it.
“Free at last, free at last… Thank God Almighty I’m free at last”.
Rule #62.2.0
A man took $550 for me three months ago to repair my guitar. Then, yesterday, he lied to me about it.
I immediately went into my ACA, feeling victimized. But, I recognized it quickly and began to pray the first three steps in ACA, verbatim…repeatedly.
After I quit shaking, I began to pray the Fourth Step Prayer “This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God, save me from being abusive. Thy will be done.”
I did that six times in eighteen hours. Before I went to face the man and retrieve my guitar I needed to express my anger.
As I was walking, I was making calls. It turned out that Nick was the next name on my list, and I let out unexpurgated litany of multisyllabic obscenities of the most vulgar persuasion…and felt better.
When I looked the man in the eye, I was calm and, as Shakespeare would say, I possessed the “Ice of Chastity”.
I executed my duty in such a fashion that Churchill would been proud of me…it made me a better leader.
Nick, thanks for hearing that, and knowing that it wasn’t about you, but about my anger with him…or more accurately, my Daddy.
Rule #62.2.1
Pythagoras created the word esoteric and exoteric. They mean “inner circle” and “outer circle”, respectively.
If you wanted to speak to him, he made you study with his students for six years, first. I have always thought that that was a rather extreme boundary…
My wife has about had enough of me, not doing service…but administrating.
Pythagorean Theorem…here we come.
Rule #62.2.2
Gummy doesn’t care for stuffed animals anymore…he’s two. He likes trucks.
But, today I taught him to program GarageBand and play the keyboards. He doesn’t care for trucks so much now.
Actually, he was playing the keyboard with his trucks. My little John Cage.
Rule #62.2.3
For Still Dave:
We are humbly grateful to you for your generous contribution. But beyond that, just your presence and spiritual contribution are priceless to me, and to all of us.
In my 33 years of sponsoring there’s only been one other person who I’ve been able to pass on all that I’ve learned to, as much as you…And you took his job last Thursday.
Thanks Still Dave…from all of us.
Response:
Steve D,
Just trying to put total sobriety first via a program of recovery. It meant that I needed to listen (even if begrudgingly, at first) and then experiment with what works.
It turns out that the magic key was taking direction, laughing at myself that I don’t follow particularly well, and being of service to the best of my ability.
It meant that I redefined what recovery looked like or felt like. That trust and faith were necessary because I just didn’t know if I was going to be OK.
I had to accept that I was going to be doing it all very imperfectly.
I am indebted to your service and friendship.
Finally, you taught me that this only works one day, three hours, one breath at a time.
Once I see at that level of resolution there is no Dave…so I had better not take everything so damned seriously!