Chastity Office 183
Yesterday was 11 months of Chastity.
For 9 months I have, as the “White Book” directs, “Taken the actions of love to improve my relations with others”, with regards to my wife.
It has utterly failed.
My wife has calmly and measuredly, stated that “she hates me”.
I have been running around, like a chicken with his head cut off, trying to ameliorate this;
Making her birthday parties, washing her clothes, cleaning up her hair in the bathroom floor and tub, taking her to movies, asking to sing together, asking to go to church together, looking into properties in the Philippines to buy together (where she wants to retire), buying her jewelry, letting her live here without paying any portion of the rent, cleaning up her room for her, complimenting her choices of clothes and make up, negotiating deals for her (at her request), and her favorite thing…buying her food she likes. On top of saying, out loud, how sorry I am that I have hurt her.
But, the harder I try to make amends, for my part in our difficulties, the more tightly she holds onto her hate.
I have requested therapy, but she says “Filipinos don’t need or use therapy”.
I need a new solution…
In the Codependency Offices there is a line:
“What would happen if I started thanking God when problems occurred? If I replaced self-pity with gratitude?”
What if instead of trying to do things to ameliorate my wife and I’s relationship , I simply thanked God for her hate.
I can do that.
The truth is her hate is so consistent that I am forced to either act out, or choose chastity…and I have known for over 30 years that Chastity is the ultimately best spiritual condition for me.
So, no. I will never cheat on her in act, word, or thought, but I can choose to be grateful for her hate because, personally, I choose to respond chastely… and that is my very best condition.
So, I am grateful for my wife’s hate.
And I turn that hate over to God, to do as He wishes.
Thank you, God. I am grateful.
Chastity Office 184
I believe that God is positive, not negative or fearful, so I want to say some positive things about my wife:
Anybody that saw my wife on the beaches of Phuket Thailand in January 2018, 5 years ago, would say she was one of the most attractive girls around.
But, what was most attractive to me was that she had the unmitigated courage to fight a tyrannical, old, crazy woman, from the the time she was only 10 years old, to 23 years old, with nothing but the tools at her hand which were the Catholic Church and their liturgies.
She believed in and trusted God to help her fight a woman who would deny her adequate food and isolated her from all her Filipino community.
I had the most profound respect for that level of straight out courage. Because, that’s what I had to do with my own parents and home life, with the only spiritual tools at my hand, 12 Step.
I will always be respectful of that level of courage, especially in a girl who was only 10 years old.
That is genius level spiritual giftedness and I am grateful for having just known someone like that in my life.