Affairs

But masturbation wasn’t the only problem.

I was addicted to cheating on my wife.

That was a different issue than masturbation.

It was spawned from my complete disassociation from myself.

I was a needy man. I was a lonely man. I was a sad man. I was a hurt man.

Above all else I did not want to be alone.

More accurately, I did not want to be with myself.

I didn’t know it, but I hated myself.

Not being in touch with my feelings, I had absolutely no clue that that was true about me.

On June 26, 1990 I began the very, very slow process, one feeling at a time, of finding myself.

That’s why, 56 times a week, we do feelings check-in at PrayerCall.

“Feelings are the pathway to the soul” ...One feeling at a time.

As I began to discover my feelings it was like a tidal wave inside of me.

It was overwhelming and I wanted to rush into the arms of some woman... like a child.

I began to discover God in a new way… The group

I found if I shared my feelings, with safe people, that my feelings were manageable.

I stayed alone for 7 1/2 months of total celibacy once I got sexually sober on June 26, 1990.

Then I asked God to “Send me one of his daughters”...And he did.

At 37 years old, for the first time in my life, I experienced something I had never experienced: mature, intimate, sober sex.

It was as though I had only been seeing in black-and-white and suddenly I could see in color.

The 7 1/2 months I had spent alone taught me about my feelings.

Feelings and commitment made me grow up sexually.

There was a codicil though: I could not go back to masturbation as that would betray my commitment to my partner.

After year and a half my partner and I decided to stop and I went into my second celibacy.

I was very scared that I would go back to masturbation after being actively sexual for 18 months.

So I joined Sexaholics Anonymous and they kept me sexually sober through that period.

We got back together for another year and then called it quits permanently.

I wasn’t afraid to go into my third celibacy period, because I knew I would be intensely close to God, as I had been in the first two periods.

But God had a surprise for me. He completely left me alone. Not a word... Not a word.

I felt abandoned and cheated, but what God wanted me to do was to finally grow up.

This third period of Chastity lasted 19 months. Once I got the hang of being on my own I was very happy.

I was in my fourth of five custody cases for my daughter at the time, and in that fourth case I lost custody for three years. It was a brutal time, but Chasity got me through it.

I fell in love with a woman who, until I met my wife, was the love of my life.

At the end of four years I did another celibacy period and left.

I was spending most of my time in a Catholic monastery in Atlanta Georgia.

I was asked to be a monk, but I had just gotten custody back of my daughter...And God sent me my second wife.

After five years my daughter and I moved from Atlanta Georgia to San Francisco to start a new life.

Chastity was very handy then because dating in the San Francisco was very sparse.

I did four years of chastity, but it was very difficult.

So nine years ago, I started Monks, whose sole purpose was to help men do a ”Finite period of chastity”.

Four years ago PrayerCall was started.

Three years ago I finally met the woman I had been looking for.

I guess I was ready.

Now I am happily married and have a nine month old son.

I get to pray with you guys six times a day and stay sexually sober… And that’s enough for me.