PoM 104
My wife thanked me for something, yesterday:
For the opportunity to live a part of her life that she didn’t get to live when she was a child.
She loves to jump rope, look at Asian cartoons, bake, sew, garden, sing and watch social media videos.
I am grateful to support her in loving herself.
I am willing to do the same for myself, as a Ninth Step.
After 54 years teaching guitar, I am guiding myself, as healthily as possible, to play the guitar.
No aspirations to fame and fortune, but simply to meet my second highest human need…the need for creativity.
It’s like two hurt kids living together making a life, loving each other, and loving others.
PoM 105
“Why shouldn’t we start out by forgiving them, one and all?”
AA 12x12 p.78
When my father died he left hundreds of thousands of dollars to his new wife and my brother.
When my mother died she left hundreds of thousands of dollars to my brother.
Both of my parents left $1000 to an old alcoholic African American man named Calton, who helped out around the farm we grew up on.
Both of my parents left me $1000. But the message was very different…
My parents were hard core racists who would never allow African Americans to come into our home…ever.
My $1000 said “You are a (insert derogatory term for African Americans.)
They were very, very angry with me about talking about the physical and sexual abuse that they perpetrated on us as children.
Yesterday, my brother’s best friend informed me that my brother had left all his money to him, that he would not speak to me, yet wanted me to carry his soon-to-be-dead body from Tennessee to Georgia to be buried with my mother and wanted me to pay for it.
Alcoholism destroys any sanity, decency and even common sense in a man or a woman.
But, I have done plenty of stupid and selfish things myself when I was drinking, so, if I want forgiveness:
“Why shouldn’t we start out by forgiving them, one and all?”
AA12x12
p78
Yep…I do feel more peaceful.
PoM 106
When I am in conflict with someone it is important that I own my part.
It is equally as important to be honest with myself when something has nothing to do with me.
Maybe this person is angry with themselves?
I know that when I am angry with myself that my world quickly populates with jerks and fools.
Perhaps this person is just like me?
If I want peace…I have to know when something is not about me.
PoM 107
Labor Day was joyous and fun, full of friends and music, but I didn’t have peace of mind until I washed my wife’s baking dishes and started counting my breaths.
My best sponsor who was a monk with 10 years of chastity, a therapist and a disciplined 12 stepper said once “I do not have the gift of work”.
I am beginning to see the value of manual labor…so that my mind is free to pray.
PoM 108
In response to a question on the difference between Christianity and religious addiction:
I am a firm believer in the living Jesus.
I believe in the resurrection.
If you get time named after you (ie. 2021) you have to have done something pretty special...I mean they didn't name time after me or you.
It doesn't make sense to me if Jesus really beat death, that he would die 30 or 40 years later.
So I believe Jesus is alive…right now. That is, for me.
However, I cannot use the ecstasy that comes from being in the presence of the living God, as a drug to get me high.
Therefore, as an act of humility, and purity, I will continue to seek God through community and service.
PoM 109
I did a half marathon today…13 miles.
Now, I did it “grandma speed“…But it was the longest run I’ve ever done.
I felt very young after. If you are young this won’t make sense. One of my sponcees says “You have to be old to feel young”…I’ll take it.
The last 4 miles I kept chanting something from the long version of the Serenity Prayer “Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace”.
As I seek the “Kingdom of God”, one of the many pieces, for me, that seems obvious is physical health.
A good Father would want that for his son…