Chastity Office 281
I spent some time with two very gifted men in Chastity, one with nearly two years, one with seven.
We talked about how religion is not what we do (we are 12 steppers) but that 90 years ago 12 step borrowed very heavily from the dominant religion of the day.
I do not put my religion in front of my recovery, as AA teaches us , but I am humbly grateful for religion’s contribution to the work we are currently doing with Chastity…so here is a love letter to religion:
Do I believe in Jesus?
Probably, a more accurate question is “ Do I believe there is a Jesus?”
Yes…
Why?
Abraham Lincoln, a right smart guy, used to say “ You can fool some of the people some of the time. You can fool all of the people some of the time. But, you can’t fool all of the people all of the time.
There have been 40 billion people who have lived in the last 2000 years, and just with regular sort of reasoning, it’s hard to imagine Jesus pulling the wool over 40 billion pairs of eyes for 2000 years.
A trickier question is “Do I believe in the Resurrection?”
Yes, I do.
My thinking is, if you have time named after you, you musta done something kinda special. I mean, time isn’t named after me, or you…is it?
Lots of smart people in the world: Lao Tze, Socrates, Confucius, Saint Augustine, Muhammad ,Solomon, Einstein, Gandhi…but, none of them have time named after them.
So, if the Resurrection is true then, it doesn’t really make sense that Jesus would die 50 years later, or 100 or even 1000 years later,
and it would just make common sense that he was alive today…although he probably could use some highlights in his beard at this point.
So, I believe there is a Jesus, that he rose from the dead and is alive at this moment.
That’s really good news. I mean, I don’t know about you but I could really use a connection with a guy like that.
But, There’s the rub…the verb “to use”.
Jesus is smart enough not to let you use him.
Right before he died he said “I gotta go” so “I can send you the Comforter who will teach you in all Truth”.
That Comforter is “God in Community”, some folks call it the Higher Power, others, the Holy Spirit.
If you love Jesus, but can’t stop masturbating, consider the possibility that you are simply not understanding what Jesus said.
He said to learn all truth from the Comforter…That’s a recondite way of saying… “ Go to a meeting”.
Chastity Offices 282
The man with two years of Chastity asked me to clarify something he and I had experienced as sponsors in sex addiction recovery:
I was told in AA “Anything you put in front of your sobriety you lose…eventually.”
That’s also true of sexual addiction recovery.
I did not put my religion in front of my recovery…so, I didn’t lose my religion of choice, and I’m glad about that.
But, I saw men struggling, mightily, and failing, painfully, who put their religion in front of their recovery.
The 12th Step says, precisely “We practice these principles in all our affairs:
1 Honesty
2 Hope
3 Faith
As we sponsored men over the years it became clear that the principle of Faith had been put in front of the principle of Honesty…
The solution to that was simple…keep a day count and announce it at meetings.
Chastity Offices 283
The AA Promises interpreted for Chastity:
“If we are painstaking about this phase of our development we will be amazed before we are halfway through.”
What is this phase?
Chastity
No ancillary addictions
Watching our food and exercising
“We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness:”
Freedom from feeling shame around masturbating,
Freedom from the guilt of cheating on our wives,
Freedom from the knawing lust of fantasy, objectification and intrigue…
“We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.”
I forgive myself divorces, custody cases, lost girlfriends, heartbroken breakups.
“We will comprehend the word Serenity and we will know peace.”
Serenity is being okay whether I get what I want or not.
Peace comes from knowing my soul.
I can only experience my soul if all my addictions are stopped.
“No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.”
My failures are what newcomers can identify with and when I connect with another person, honestly and openly…God shows up.
“That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.”
Service makes me useful and happy.
Gratitude replaces self-pity.
“We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.”
As I surrender my lust, serving others becomes more and more interesting…and satisfying.
“Self-seeking will slip away.”
No more hustling for money from men or sex from women.
“Our whole attitude and outlook on life will change.”
Gratitude becomes my primary attitude and acceptance replaces merciless self-demandingness.
“Fear of people and economic insecurity will leave us.”
I used to feel so scared I was silent, practically paranoid…Now I can talk the leg off a dog.
Also…I feel I have enough.
“We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.”
“Here we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or a decision”…and God guides me through each and every day
“We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.”
My life gets better in ways I could not imagine, even when things go terribly wrong.
“Are these unrealistic promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will materialize if we work for them.”
All I have to do …is my part, like a single musician in a major symphony.