Gandhi 1
Probably the most useful thing, to addicts, that Gandhi ever said was ”God is Truth”.
When I walked in the door 40 years ago, as freshly newly-minted addict in recovery, and was faced with “The God of my understanding” on the wall, I turned around and walked out the door.
If someone had gently pulled me aside and simply said “ Don’t worry about figuring out God on your first day. Just go with “God is Truth”, I might not have stayed drunk another year.
The reason that is important is that when I first come in, I lie to myself. I said things like “Well, I still have my job, my wife, my apartment and car, so it’s not really that bad”.
I was leaving out things like I was smoking two packs of cigarettes a day, I was 60 pounds overweight, I was having an affair for three years with one of my students and I was terribly in debt.
Like everyone else, my personal childhood religion, Episcopalianism, wasn’t fully addressing my problems and then there was the pesky question of wars, pestilence and famine.
Now the truth is, I was focusing on those things so I could avoid looking at myself.
I was a mess…
Gandhi 2
One of the beautiful things about Gandhi’s approach to spirituality was his emphasis the physical body, much like that of the humble YMCA, which was founded in 1844 in London borrowing Rousseau’s concept of “Muscular Christianity”.
Rousseau was the spiritual architect of the French Revolution and he noticed that the people in his religion were physically weak.
Subsequently, in 1891, the YMCA invented basketball to address this physical weakness.
The Gandhi quote that I find most useful about physical health is: “As with the body, so with the Universe.”
This is revolutionary…
It says to me that if I see the world as some messed up miasma of selfish, dishonest, cowardly, extreme and obsessed knuckle-dragging Neanderthals…that the problem is really me!
Al-anon would later state this more simply “If I am not the problem…there is no solution”.
So, if I stop getting drunk, taking drugs, eating too much and quit smoking the world looks like a tolerable place.
Unfortunately, as an addict, I can’t do this, by myself, and that can take a very long time to learn.
But, if I “Keep coming back”, and am blessed with a little luck, I can slowly begin to see that “As with the body…so with the Universe”.
Gandhi 3
Seven years ago our 39th President Jimmy Carter, 34 years after his presidency ended, made a startling announcement, “Women’s rights is going to be my highest priority the rest of my life”.
Carter grew up with rampant, unattended alcoholism in his family and the value of his presidency has been questioned more than once.
But, as I raised my daughter myself, have a young wife and would like to have another daughter, he caught my ear, or rather, my heart that day.
Gandhi had something similar to say: “To call woman the weaker sex is a libel; it is man’s injustice to woman. If by strength is meant brute strength, then, indeed, is woman less brute than man. If by strength is meant moral power, then woman is immeasurably man's superior. Has she not greater intuition, is she not more self-sacrificing, has she not greater powers of endurance, has she not greater courage? Without her, man could not be. If nonviolence is the law of our being, the future is with woman. Who can make a more effective appeal to the heart than woman?"
I, too, believe what those men said and am tailoring the new Offices to be more inclusive of women’s needs.
Perhaps it’s time to see if we can find some of the feminine character in God.
Gandhi 4
The 1982 Richard Attenborough movie “Gandhi” opens and closes with this incredibly famous line about truth, love and faith. Personally, it gives me courage.
“When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants and murderers, and for a time, they can seem invincible, but in the end, they always fall. Think of it--always.”
Gandhi 5
12 Step learned that if you first surrendered alcohol, it made alcoholics more likely to be available to connect with God.
Then, they found that that was true about surrendering controlling dysfunctional relationships in Al-Anon, in 1951.
Then, the floodgates opened and people found that particular dynamic of surrender worked with gambling, food, sex, debting, smoking, etc.
Gandhi and Bill Wilson both believed, and both practiced, service as the most money-back guaranteed, sure-fire way to find God.
Religion is good. Therapy is good. But unselfish, humble service is something that makes all women and men able to, not only perceive God…but to feel God.
Gandhi would say, "A life of service must be one of humility."
Gandhi 6
When I think about who I am, after recognizing that I am, as Carl Jung and The Police would say “a spirit in the material world”, I see myself, in purely human terms, as a survivor of childhood abuse…then as an addict.
The salient feature of a “survivor”, prior to recovery from that devastating experience, is fear. Fear of not being safe in the world.
Gandhi provides an incredibly powerful tool for days when I feel that way: “In Brahmacharya lies the protection of the body, the mind and the soul”.
It means that, just for that day, I am intentionally self/restrained sexually.
Now, I am very attracted to my beautiful wife.
She actually says I am blinded by love and can’t see her objectively.
To that I quote Brad Paisley “ To the world you may be just another girl. But, to me…you are the world”.
But there are days when, despite my youthful liberality, I need to conserve my energy, to feel more strength as I move through my day and “In Brahmacharya lies the protection of the body, the mind and the soul”…works just dandily.
Gandhi 7
One of my favorite slogans is “Celibacy, Service and Laughter”. It keeps me focused.
Gandhi said it this way: “If I had no sense of humor…I would long ago have committed suicide.”
Gandhi 8
Gandhi believed, as Bill Wilson believed that misuse of sex was a primary grounding from which other disease springs.
In Bill’s view, the misuse of the three instincts for “sex, security and society” (p. 50 AA 12x12) leads to character defects, which leads to drinking.
In Gandhi’s view, sex was designed for one purpose only, “To create children”. He believed that the seminal power, when used, leaves the body vulnerable.
In truth though, Bill cheated on his wife virtually all his life and Gandhi was perfectly faithful.
Yet, Gandhi said “For all restraint, whatever prompts it, is wholesome for men.”
And Bill would say on page 91 of the 12x12 “Our first objective will be the development of self-restraint”.
Gandhi 9
Gandhi was married when he was 13 years old. He had been betrothed three times before that, but all of his fiancee’s had died in childhood. Kasturba, his life-long wife and only sexual partner had some unique challenges in her life. I mean can you imagine living with Gandhi?
“A quality which most Hindu wives possess in some measure: willingly or unwillingly, consciously or unconsciously, she has considered herself blessed in following in my footsteps, and has never stood in the way of my endeavor to live a life of restraint.”
Bill, on the other hand, refused to let his wife write the chapter “To Wives” in the Big Book and instead offered it to Anne, Doctor Bob’s wife, who refused.
Lois, Bill’s wife was so incensed…that she started Al-Anon. God bless her…
Gandhi 10
Gandhi was probably the meekest man since Moses, and when you were in his light you couldn’t help but get better in your relationships because you were seeing, with your own eyes, how that was done.
He said something that Al-anon would run with: “Nobody can hurt me without my permission.”
Gandhi 11
As hard as it was to be Gandhi’s wife, being Bill’s wife was harder.
Gandhi would sweetly and courageously say: “The wife, with her matchless powers of endurance, has always been the victor.”
Gandhi 12
One of the great things about being sexually sober, particularly during periods of finite chastity, is the tremendous social resilience and happiness that accompanies it. My sobriety has an effect, as active disease does. Gandhi addresses this in his own pithy way: “My life is my message.”
Gandhi 13
Vows are completely contrary to 12 step belief and practice. We simply can’t think beyond today, or, as we have found in PrayerCall, the next three hours.
Personally, I have only taken two vows in my life. One, having done my childhood abuse work, I decided to be one of the 9% of people who break off all relations with their family of origin, because it is simply too unsafe. I took a vow never to see my mother again and I took one never to see my father again. It was the right thing for me to do…
“The more or less successful practice of self-control had been going on since 1901, but the freedom and joy that came after taking the vow had never been experienced before 1906.”
“Vows...I am able to testify that they have also served as my shield. I am of the opinion that they have added a few years to my life and saved me from many an illness.”
“In about a month of my (taking the vow) the foundation of nonviolent non-cooperation was laid. As though unknown to me, the vow had been preparing me for it.”
“A life without vows is like a ship without anchor.”
Gandhi 14
Gandhi believed, incredibly simply, that “God is Truth” and Bill Wilson taught us that you could get to God by simply being honest.
Gandhi was tough on religion and tougher on Atheists. Bill was more tolerant, forbearing and patient.
“In the time of the Prophet Mohammed, prayer, fasting and keeping awake at night were considered essential for subduing the senses.To the Prophet, fasting brought happiness, for it was an occasion when he could live constantly in the presence of God.
Jesus did likewise. He lived in solitude, fasted for 40 days and subjected his body to the utmost mortification. Those who followed him taught the same thing. There has been a tradition of fasting and prayer in Europe right to the present day. And then came Luther in Germany. He said that the others had misinterpreted the text, and their lives were all deception. The Protestants believed that there was nothing but hypocrisy in the Catholic practices, and so they destroyed the practice of fasting, a most potent means of realizing God.”
“In matters of religion beliefs differ, and each one's is supreme for himself. If all had the same beliefs about all matters of religion there would be only one religion in the world.”
“It is possible to draw any number of ideas from the Bible, the Vedas, the Koran and other scriptures. I have come across persons who justified even murder on the authority of these works.”
“My message to the Christians would be to cultivate humility instead of arrogating to themselves the exclusive possession of absolute truth."
“The priest has ever sacrificed the prophet.”
“Atheism is merely a pose.”
Gandhi 15
Gandhi and Bill Wilson both believed in the immortal soul. (If you don’t think this is true, see the last line in the AA 12x12, Step Eleven)
“The soul exists, and is distinct from the body.”
“The soul is imperishable.”
If these lines are true…then it is a complete game changer.
Gandhi 16
Here is something for all the workaholics who are listening:
“There is more to life than increasing its speed.”
“I believed then and I believe even now, that, no matter what amount of work one has, one should always find some time for exercise, just as one does for one's meals. It is in my humble opinion that, far from taking away from one's capacity for work, it adds to it.”
Gandhi 17
Of all Gandhi’s writings the below is the most repugnant and abhorrent for a sex addict…Beware!
“I have an impression that at the moment his words (the poet who first suggested this idea) sounded harsh, but they gripped me irresistibly.”
“What then, I asked myself should be my relation with my wife? Did my faithfulness consist in making my wife the instrument of my lust? So long as I was a slave of lust, my faithfulness was worth nothing.”
“I had been wedded to a monogamous ideal ever since my marriage, faithfulness to my wife being part of the love of truth.
But it was in South Africa that I came to realize the importance of observing chastity even with respect to my wife.”
Jesus says the exact same thing in Matthew 19:12.
Gandhi 18
Here is some likable wisdom about getting along with other people:
“Tolstoy said, "If we would get off the backs of our neighbors the world would be quite alright without our help."”
“I greatly value those who abuse me. For they are candid and if I can convince them, they work wonders.”
Gandhi 19
Gandhi valued his body, but not only his…and he didn’t take himself too damn seriously:
“I wanted to improve and train my body.”
“Today I know that physical training should have as much place in the curriculum as mental training.”
“It was my desire to teach these little ones physical exercise and make them hardy.”
“I must have taken about six dance lessons. But it was beyond me to achieve anything like rhythmic motion…”
Gandhi 20
“It became my conviction that procreation and the consequent care of children were inconsistent with public service.”
“If I wanted to devote myself to the service of the community in this manner, I must relinquish the desire for children and wealth.”
“Those who want to perform national service, or those who want to have a glimpse of the real religious life, must lead a celibate life, no matter if married or unmarried.”
Saint Paul says the same thing in 1st Corinthians 7.
Gandhi 21
Here are some pithy little epithets that sound like something out of a Hallmark Greeting Card:
“God is Truth.”
“Truth is love and love is truth.”
“Truth cannot exist without love.”
“Where there is love there is life.”
“Truth is the substance of all morality.”
Gandhi 22
Education was a touchy subject with Gandhi.
He tried to teach his wife to read, but failed and she remained illiterate all her life and yet he would say, “If I had to choose a companion for myself life after life, I would choose only Ba”…his pet name for her.
Gandhi had four sons. Three of them turned out well, the fourth was a drug addict/alcoholic prostitute who hated him after age sixteen because Gandhi would not allow him to leave India to go to England and become a lawyer as he had done…It cost him. There is a book about his son, heartbreakingly called “Gandhi’s Lost Jewel”.
“A man's real teacher is himself.”
“Under ideal conditions, true education could be imparted only by the parents.”
“My ideal was never to entrust children to common place teachers. Their literary qualification was not so essential as their moral fiber.”
“There is no school equal to a decent home and no teacher equal to a virtuous parent.”
Gandhi 23
Gandhi laughingly called himself a “quack“, when it came to medicine, but he was honest with himself about what he saw, in himself, regardless of how repugnant it might appear to others
"How foolish it is intentionally to dissipate vital energy in sensual enjoyment! It is a grave misuse to fritter away for physical gratification that which is given to man and woman for full development of their bodily and mental powers. Such misuse is the root cause of many a disease".
"Men and women who indulge in lascivious looks at one's own, or another's wife, or to touch her in the same manner deceive themselves and the world, and growing weaker day by day, making themselves easily susceptible to disease".
"A man dissipates his physical strength through ordinary incontinence".
Tough stuff…but no different from what is heard in 1st Corinthians in Protestant Churches around the world on Sundays.
Gandhi 24
Gandhi took a vow of poverty and died with only six small possessions, but, he was scrupulous with money.
“I...should have been driven to incur debt – a thing I have never done in my life and always abhorred.”
“Every little item would be entered and the balance struck every evening before going to bed. Make it a point to account for everything that comes into and goes out your pocket, and you will sure to be a gainer in the end.”
“Carefully kept accounts are the sine qua non for any organization. Without them it falls into disrepute.”
“I have no doubt that the ideal is for public institutions to live, like nature, from day to day. The institution that fails to win public support has no right to exist as such.”
“It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.”
Gandhi 25
What puts most people off of Gandhi was his vow of celibacy, but the Gospel of Matthew 19:11 talks about it and even the SLAA book, chapter 5 talks about a “Withdrawal period”.
There is something about chosen chastity that gives a person power…even Rocky Balboa talks about it in Rocky I.
“I took the vow of celibacy in 1906. I had not shared my thoughts with my wife until then, but only consulted her at the time of taking the vow. She had no objection.”(I always feel sad for his wife, here)
“Before the vow I had been open to being overcome by temptation at any moment. Now the vow was a sure shield against temptation. The great potentiality of celibacy daily became more and more apparent to me.”
But look at the magnitude of the gift he received from this sacrifice.
“Nonviolent noncooperation had not been a preconceived plan. It came on spontaneously, without my having willed it. But I could see that all my previous steps had led up to that goal.”
Gandhi 26
Gandhi was the first person I have ever read about who really understood the connection between food and sex. That’s pretty good information if you are a sex addict and having trouble getting sober. He never went to a meeting, had a sponsor or worked Steps….He just worked a very simple and rigorous food plan.
“Control of the palate is the first essential in the observation of the vow.”
“So, I now pursued my dietetic experiments not merely from the vegetarian's but also from the celibate's point of view.”
“I saw that the celibate's food should be limited, simple, spiceless, and, if possible, uncooked.”
“Six years of experiment showed me that the celibate's ideal food is fresh fruit and nuts.”
“I had deduced that a celibate benefited from a saltless diet.”
“Raw groundnuts, bananas, dates, lemons, and olive oil composed our usual diet.”
“The immunity from passion that I enjoyed when I lived off this food was unknown to me after I changed that diet.”
Gandhi 27
The Big Book says that the principal problem of the alcoholic “lies in his mind rather than in his body”. Gandhi agrees…
“The world will tell us that the senses cannot be controlled. We should reply they certainly can be.”
“Involuntary thought is an affectation of the mind, and curbing of thought, therefore, means curbing of the mind which is even more difficult to curb than the wind. Nevertheless the existence of God within makes even control of the mind possible. When the mind is conquered, what power has lust?”
“It is indeed a subtle enemy, but once the senses, the mind and the reason are under the control of the subtlemost Self, lust is extinguished.”
“Knowledge is obscured by the enemy of the wise man, in the form of lust, the insatiable fire.”
Gandhi 28
There were two guys whose work I really admire who were big walkers: Beethoven and Gandhi. While Mozart was the greater genius (he wrote an opera when he was 11) Beethoven, for my money, was the greater musician. Gandhi and Beethoven loved to walk all the time.
“I had formed the habit of taking long walks, which still remains with me.”
“This habit of long walks has kept me practically free of illness and has given me a fairly strong body.”
Gandhi 29
Gandhi slammed hypocrisy…hard. He was particularly harsh on the Christians who he saw as “arrogant”. He had a clear idea of what religion he believed was really supposed to do:
“The term 'religion' I am using in its broadest sense, meaning thereby self-realization or knowledge of Self.”
“Religion and art have the identical aims...moral and spiritual elevation.”
“I call him religious who understands the suffering of others.”
Gandhi 30
Gandhi was known in history as a man who cherished celibacy, but he was not completely alone. Here are some others who were famous for their chastity.
Mohammed Ali (for six weeks before a title fight)
Saint Augustine
Jesus
Pythagoras
Joan of Arc
Queen Elizabeth
Florence Nightingale
Leonardo da Vinci
Lewis Carroll
Isaac Newton
John Milton
Leo Tolstoy
Pythia...The Oracle of Delphi
Gandhi 31
Gandhi claimed to have had a sense of humor and he is reported to have had one, privately, particularly with children, but I know of no public utterances when he was just plain damn funny.
He warns against frivolity, rather sternly.
He is not a guy you would want to take a long trip in a small car with.
As Jay Leno would say “Not everybody can do comedy”.
Gandhi 32
Vows are not something we do in 12 step. We live one day, three hours, one breath at a time. But, you can vow….for just one day.
“It goes without saying that moderation and sobriety are of the very essence of vow taking.”
“But if it was a matter of ever-increasing joy, let no one believe that it was an easy thing for me. Even when I am passed fifty six years, I realized how hard it is.”
“The taking of a vow does not mean that we are able to observe it completely from the very beginning; it does mean constant and honest effort in thought, word and deed with a view to its fulfillment.”
“It is not hypocrisy if, despite one's best efforts, one does not succeed in always remaining vigilant, for the evil habit has had a long hold over us.”
Gandhi 33
While AA warns us not to “Rest on our laurels”, Gandhi says that there are two stages of enlightenment: Action and Repose. But, he proposes a unique idea, contrary to the Hindu religion that he was so faithful to. Once you attain enlightenment, you are supposed to live one more life (Hindus believe in reincarnation) and this time “Enjoy your successes” …minus the addictions.
“For the man who seeks to scale the heights of spirituality, action is said to be the means. For the same man, when he has scaled those heights, repose is said to be the means.”
“For the man who aspires to master himself, the only means is work. If a person lets himself be beaten for a long time on the anvil of work, someday he may be enlightened. For him who has established himself in self-actualization, the right means of continuing in this state is repose.”
“After attaining freedom, one has one step further to go...To enjoy embodied existence as a consequence of one's good deeds as well.”
Gandhi 34
Gandhi was very difficult to get along with, financially.
On the one hand he had a vow of poverty so he always went third class rail railway when he traveled. I road third class railroad throughout the length of Thailand…and it is not pretty.
He also insisted on walking whenever he could. So, Gandhi was a constant source of perplexity and frustration to his many friends who were doing everything they could to rise out of the bone-crushing poverty that India has historically been known for.
On the other hand, people gave him enormous gifts. Hermann Kallenbach gave him 1000 acres of land to start his first chaste community.
Gandhi was scrupulously honest and accurate with his money and tallied it every night.
Sarojini Naidu, then president of the Indian National Congress, famously remarked about Gandhi that "it costs a lot of money to keep this man in poverty."
Still, Gandhi died with only six possessions…quite happy materially.
"Earth provides enough to satisfy every man's needs but not every man’s greeds."
"There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread."
"Poverty is the worst form of violence."
"Seek not greater wealth, but simpler pleasure; not higher fortune, but deeper felicity."
"And, on the other hand, you find the less you possess, the less you want, the better you are. And better for what? Not for the enjoyment of this life, but for enjoyment of personal service to your fellow beings, service to which you dedicate yourselves, body, soul and mind."
Gandhi 35
As PrayerCall practices Step Eleven 28 times a week, we might benefit from Gandhi’s experience on prayer:
“Prayer is the key of the morning and the bolt of the evening.”
“Prayer is not asking. It is a longing of the soul. It is daily admission of one's weakness."
“It is better in prayer to have a heart without words than words without a heart.”
“I have not the slightest doubt that prayer is an unfailing means of cleansing the heart of passions.”
“I have no doubt that there is a key to lock out undesirable thoughts, but everyone has to find it out for himself. Saints and seers have left their experiences for us, but they have given us no infallible and universal prescription.”
“Involuntary thought is an affectation of the mind, and curbing of thought, therefore, means curbing of the mind which is even more difficult to curb than the wind. Nevertheless the existence of God within makes even control of the mind possible.”
Gandhi 36
A Vow of Chastity within Marriage.
The angriest, short of murder, that I have ever seen a person be, was a Sexaholic who I suggested might want to extend his chastity past his wedding day. Nothing makes people more self-righteous than this.
Of the 60,000 calls I have taken in the last 33 years the majority of them are from men complaining about how their wives are not sexually satisfying…like they used to be.
Or…women heartbrokenly opining that “They don’t feel heard.”
Both are profoundly stunned when I suggest a finite period of chastity.
Neither can believe that I am not agreeing with their “finger-wagging” at their spouse.
Gandhi ways it succinctly: “There are more occasions for quarreling where the love is selfish and bounded.”
If I am dependent on my wife for sex, she is not an equal…she is my slave.
Does that sound selfish to you?
“He who realizes this will control his lust at any cost”
Any cost?
How about 60 days of chastity?
Patrick Cranes the founder of all sex addiction theory, when he started out in the 70’s, would not take a couple’s money until they agreed to “8-12 weeks” of chastity.
He found that, once the couple agreed, “They couldn’t keep their hands off each other”.
Think about your marriage: Wouldn’t you like to get back to where you were having out of control sex? Guys…I know you.
It’s hard to do…
“I have always therefore regarded myself as a lustful, though faithful husband. It took me long to get free from the shackles of lust, and I had to pass through many ordeals before I could overcome them.”
“To be fair to my wife, I must say that she was never the temptress. It was therefore the easiest thing for me to take the vow of chastity, if only I willed it. It was my weak will or lustful attachment that was the obstacle.”
Puccini, in the most popular opera of all time, Madam Butterfly, says “ There is no woman who does not desire love”. I am certain that it hurt her feelings when Gandhi said she was not a “temptress”.
Still, despite that stupid comment:
“Even after my conscience had been roused in the matter, I failed twice (note: his wife says three times).”
“I failed because the motive that actuated the effort was none the highest. My main object was to escape having more children. Seeing, therefore, that I did not desire more children I began to strive after self-control. There was endless difficulty in the task. We began to sleep in separate beds.”
They struggled. They fought. They pouted….but, they succeeded.
“It became my conviction that procreation and the consequent care of children were inconsistent with public service.”
“If I wanted to devote myself to the service of the community in this manner, I must relinquish the desire for children and wealth.”
Mrs Gandhi had to not only give up sex, but give up her jewels.
I had a jeweler say to me once “You know, women are the wiser sex…but, look how they act when they see small, shiny, things.”
Poor Mrs. Gandhi…I mean, really!
But the struggle went on:
“Up to this time I had not met with success because the will have been lacking, because I had no faith in myself, no faith in the grace of God, and therefore, my mind had been tossed on the boisterous sea of doubt.”
“I realize that in refusing to take a vow a man was drawn into temptation, and that to be bound by a vow was like a passage from libertinism to a real monogamous marriage.”
"I believe in effort I do not want to bind myself with vows,” is the mentality of weakness and betrays a subtle desire for that thing to be avoided. Or where can be the difficulty of making a final decision?
“But supposing my views are changed in the future, how can I bind myself by a vow? Such a doubt often deters us. But that doubt also betrays a lack of a clear perception that a particular thing must be renounced.”
And they did it…
Now Gandhi wasn’t a sex addict, and pretty much everybody reading this is, so, what are we going to do?
Not a lifetime vow of chastity…but, rather a “Finite period of chastity”. 60 days will work, very handily.
My wife and I have done that twice in the last 4 1/2 years. It was really sloppy, but we did it, and it was unspeakably spiritually invigorating for our marriage.
One caveat. You have to do this intentionally.
If you are just hanging around, with your fingers crossed, hoping for the best, it will be a snake pit of resentment…and you’ll just act out.
On the other hand, if you choose to do it, you can get back to that youthful love you used to feel…and your wife won’t lose her jewelry.
Gandhi 37
Gandhi and Bill Wilson were, arguably, the two most powerful men in the 20th century. As there were more people in the 20th century then we were in the previous 14 centuries… That’s a lot of power.
"Power is of two kinds. Power based on love is a thousand times more effective and permanent than the one derived from fear of punishment."
"Non-violence is the greatest force at the disposal of mankind. It is mightier than the mightiest weapon of destruction devised by the ingenuity of man."
"In a gentle way, you can shake the world."
Gandhi 38
Gandhi had faith in the inherent goodness latent in men and women:
“A small body of determined spirits fired by an unquenchable faith in their mission can alter the course of history.”
“A nation's culture resides in the hearts and in the soul of its people.”
“You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.”
But, he could laugh about it: “First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.”
Gandhi 39
Not many people can talk directly and authoritatively about evil, but Gandhi could.
“This suggests that evil cannot by itself flourish in this world. It can do so only if it is allied with some good.”
“Evil endures only because of the support it receives from good people, and cannot survive if that support is withdrawn.”
Gandhi 40
Al-Anon contributes a unique tool to the 12 step canon “Detaching with Love”.
Gandhi is a touch verbose here…but it is still the same deal:
“Attachment begets craving and craving begets wrath. Wrath breeds stupefaction, stupefaction leads to loss of memory, loss of memory ruins the reason, and the ruin of reason spells utter destruction.”
“If things do not bind us, if we are not attached to things even when they are easily available, that, according to me, is a greater test of our attachment than mere withdrawal to a lonely forest.”
Gandhi 41
Gandhi grew up a strict Hindu but attended a temple where the holy Scriptures of both the Muslims and the Hindus were studied for their universal truths. He was eventually murdered, by a Hindu, who believed that Gandhi was conceding too much to the Muslims during parcelling of India and Pakistan after World War II.
“God is the hardest taskmaster on this earth. He tries you through and through. And when you find that your faith is failing, he comes to your assistance and proves that he is always with you, but on his terms, not yours.”
“I believe in both Gods, the one that serves us and the one that we serve. It cannot be that we should render service and should not receive service of any kind.”
“The man who really lives a life of contemplation will outwardly seem a man of the world. His mind may be absorbed in God all hours of the day, but he will move in the world like other men.”
“Seeing God means realization of the fact that God abides in one's heart.”
“I have faith and knowledge, too, that a Power exists beyond reasoning. This suffices for me. I am unable to clarify this any further as I know nothing more in the matter.”
Gandhi 42
Gandhi was sometimes accused being ambitious, but that’s not true.
“Service without humility is selfishness and egotism.”
“Only he who has a spirit of extreme humility can be said to have a resolute intellect.”
Gandhi 43
This next is a tricky tool, particularly for those in OA and FA, because, if you have an eating disorder, it can “set you up” to binge. Talk to your sponsor…first. It is not a 12 step tool, but it is very effective in stopping lust, which if done moderately, and with the help of an experienced sponsor, can help eradicate lust.
"Those who make light of dietetic restrictions and fasting are as much in error as those who stake their all on them."
"At that time I did not understand, or nor did I believe in, the efficacy of fasting."
"Fasting is useful, when mind cooperates with starving body, that is to say, when it cultivates a distaste for the objects that are denied to the body."
“I was anxious to observe chastity in thought word and deed, and equally anxious to devote the maximum time to the nonviolent noncooperation struggle and fit myself for it by cultivating purity. I was therefore led to make further changes and to impose greater restraints upon myself in the matter of food. The motive for the previous changes have been largely hygienic, but the new experiments were made from a religious standpoint.”
“I therefore came to attach greater importance to fasting or having only one meal a day on holidays.”
“Desiring to practice self-restraint, for instance, was a regulation requiring the last meal to be finished before sunset.”
But I know that it does not necessarily follow that fasting and similar disciplines would have the same effect for all.
It is common knowledge that the senses are powerless without food, and so fasting undertaken with a view to control the senses is, I have no doubt, very helpful.
Mind is at the root of all sensuality. Fasting, therefore, has a limited use, for a fasting man may continue to be swayed by passion.
When we are fasting, our desire should be to see God. Our appetites stand in the way, and so we must weaken their hold on us.
To see Him, one should completely conquer one's appetites.
When a man starves his senses, the object of those senses disappear from him, but not the yearning for them. The yearning to departs when he beholds the Supreme.
The observance of celibacy has been found, from experience, to be extremely difficult so long as one is not acquired mastery over taste. Control of the palate has, therefore, been placed as a principle by itself.
Gandhi 44
Gandhi’s objection to Christianity was simple: John 14:6 “No one comes to the Father, except through me”.
He would say:
“I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians.”
“Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.”
And finally, “God has no religion.”
Gandhi 45
Gandhi’s estranged, oldest son Harilal, said that everything good about Gandhi he had learned from his wife Kasturba.
More likely Gandhi learned it from his mother who he credits with teaching him “how to take all kinds of hard vows”. She also taught him about fasting and food selection.
“A vow imports stability, ballast and firmness to one's character. What reliance can be placed on a person who lacks these essential qualities?”
“A person unbound by vows can never be absolutely relied upon.”
“To shirk taking vows betrays indecision and want of resolution. One never can achieve anything lasting in this world by being irresolute.”
“A vow is like a right angle. An insignificant right angle will make all the difference between ugliness and elegance, solidarity and shakiness of a gigantic structure. Even so stability or instability, purity or otherwise, of an entire career may depend upon the taking of a vow.”
“The taking of vows that are not feasible or that are beyond one's capacity would betray thoughtlessness and want of balance.”
“The essence of a vow does not consist of the difficulty of its performance but in the determination behind it unflinchingly to stick to it in the teeth of difficulties.”
Gandhi 46
Gandhi would glean from his mother’s initial teachings, and example, the principle of self-restraint that would guide him his whole life:
“Morally, I have no doubt that all self-denial is good for the soul.”
“Realization of truth through self-gratification, appears a contradiction in terms.”
“Many aspirants after celibacy fail, because in the use of their other senses, they want to carry on like those who are not celibates.”
“An aspirant after celibacy will always be conscious of his shortcomings, will seek out the passions lingering in the innermost recesses of his heart, and will incessantly strive to get rid of them.”
Gandhi 47
There is a gift that comes from self-restraint, that oh-so-elusive gift…of happiness.
“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.”
“The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.”
“My life is based on disciplinary resolutions.”
Gandhi 48
Finally, at 38 years old, after having become a lawyer and having fathered four sons, Gandhi surrendered to his destiny:
“I pondered over celibacy and its implications, and my convictions took deep root. I discussed it with my co-workers.”
“It was borne in upon me that I should have more and more occasions for service of the kind I was rendering, and that I should find myself unequal to my task if I were engaged in the pleasures of family life and in the propagation and rearing of children.”
“I saw that celibacy, which is so full of wonderful potency, is by no means an easy affair, and certainly not a mere matter of the body. It begins with bodily restraint, but does not end there. The perfection of it precludes even an impure thought. The true celibate will not even dream of satisfying the fleshly appetite, and until he is in that condition, he has a great deal of ground to cover.”
“For me the observance of even bodily celibacy has been full of difficulties. Today, I may say that I feel myself fairly safe, but I have yet to achieve complete mastery over thought, which is so essential. Not that the will or effort is lacking, but it is yet a problem to me wherefrom undesirable thoughts spring their insidious invasions.”
“In the first flush of enthusiasm, I found the observance quite easy.”
“Thus celibacy, which I have been observing willy-nilly since 1900, was sealed with a vow in the middle of 1906. Events were so shaping themselves as to make this self purification on my part a preliminary, as it were, to nonviolent noncooperation. I can now see that all the principal events of my life, culminating in the vow of celibacy, were secretly preparing me for it.”
Gandhi 49
Gandhi’s vow of chastity gave him the strength, faith and courage to face the most formidable military power on earth at the time, the British Empire…with not so much as a knife or hand gun:
“Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.”
“A living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm.”
“You can chain me, you can torture me, you can even destroy this body, but you will never imprison my mind.”
“We may stumble and fall but shall rise again; it should be enough if we did not run away from the battle.”
“Do thou thy allotted task; action is superior to inaction. With inaction even life's normal course is not possible.”
Gandhi 50
Like AA, Gandhi believed that “Talk is cheap”….action is what counts:
Let the first act of every morning be to make the following resolve for the day:
- I shall not fear anyone on Earth.
- I shall fear only God.
- I shall not bear ill will toward anyone.
- I shall not submit to injustice from anyone.
- I shall conquer untruth by truth. And in resisting untruth, I shall put up with all suffering.
Gandhi 51
Again and again Gandhi would hammer home the message of the connection between sex and food:
“My experiments in dietetics are dear to me. They give me recreation and joy.”
“I have not the least doubt that milk diet makes the celibacy vow difficult to observe. Let no one deduce from this that all celibates must give up milk.”
“Celibacy needed no effort on my part in South Africa when I lived on fruits and nuts alone. It has been a matter of very great effort ever since I began to take milk.”
“The effect on celibacy of different kinds of foods can be determined only after numerous experiments.”
“But, it was after coming to India that I realized that such chastity was impossible to attain by mere human effort. Until then I have been laboring under the delusion that fruit diet alone would enable me to eradicate all passions, and I had flattered myself with the belief that I had nothing more to do.”
“Let me be clear that those who desire to observe chastity with a view to realizing God need not despair, provided their faith in God is equal to their confidence in their own effort. Therefore His name and His grace are the last resources of the aspirant after chastity.”
“My diet consisted of, among other things, ground nuts, ripe and unripe bananas, lemon, olive oil, tomatoes and grapes. I completely eschewed milk, cereal, pulses and other things.”
“Control of the palate is very closely connected with the observance of celibacy. I have found from experience that the observance of celibacy becomes comparatively easy if one acquires mastery over the palate. This does not figure among the observances of time-honored recognition. Could it be because even the great sages found it difficult to achieve?”
“The observance of celibacy has been found, from experience, to be extremely difficult so long as one is not acquired mastery over taste. Control of the palate has, therefore, been placed as a principle by itself.”
“Those who would achieve an easy conquest of animal passion must give up all unnecessary things which stimulate it. They must control their palate and cease to read suggestive literature and to enjoy all luxuries. I have not the shadow of a doubt that they will find celibacy easy enough after such renunciation.”
Gandhi 52
Gandhi knew that “God is Truth”, but he wasn’t pushy about it.
“I saw that a man of truth must also be a man of care.”
“My life was certainly more truthful and my soul knew no bounds.”
“But all my life through, the very insistence on truth has taught me to appreciate the beauty of compromise.”
Gandhi 53
The way we help people heal, which was not Gandhi’s “primary purpose”, is to help willing people to surrender their addictions, then one feeling at a time, discover their own beliefs and then let them choose whatever belief makes them healthier. That is freedom…
“Man often becomes what he believes himself to be. If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing, it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it. On the contrary, if I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning.”
“To believe in something, and not to live it, is dishonest.”
“It is unwise to be too sure of one's own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err.
Gandhi 54
A bit more about vows:
“It will be seen that a vow can never be used to support or justify an immoral action. A vow must lead one upwards, never downward toward perdition.”
“We should, therefore, never doubt the necessity of vows for the purpose of self-purification and self-realization.”
“The more or less successful practice of self-control had been going on since 1901, but the freedom and joy that came after taking the vow had never been experienced before 1906. In about a month of my (taking the vow) the foundation of nonviolent non-cooperation was laid.”
“As though unknown to me, the vow had been preparing me for it. Nonviolent noncooperation had not been a preconceived plan. It came on spontaneously, without my having willed it. But I could see that all my previous steps had led up to that goal.”
“Events were so shaping themselves as to make this self-purification on my part a preliminary, as it were, to nonviolent noncooperation. I can now see that all the principal events of my life, culminating in the vow of celibacy, were secretly preparing me for it.”
“Up to this time I had not met with success because the will have been lacking, because I had no faith in myself, no faith in the grace of God, and therefore, my mind had been tossed on the boisterous sea of doubt.”
“Without celibacy no one may expect to see God, and without seeing God one cannot observe celibacy to perfection.”
Gandhi 55
When your life is not unmanageable you develop some relationship skills. Here’s what Gandhi has to say about that:
“Whenever you are confronted with an opponent, conquer him with love.”
“It is easy enough to be friendly to one's friends. But to befriend the one who regards himself as your enemy is the quintessence of true religion. The other is mere business.”
“Do good deeds, have compassion for all living things, and live in truth to achieve freedom.”
“It is possible and necessary to treat human beings on terms of equality, but this can never apply to their morals. One must not put saintliness and rascality on the same level.”
“As your friend and servant, I should occasionally have to say hard things to you. Heaven only knows whether I should then retain your affection.”
“I never insist that all people should accept my experience as the sole guide.”
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”
“The best attraction is not promotion, but for each one of us to live as we would have the world live.”
“I should always have been wasting time on him. He had the power to keep me in the dark and to mislead me.”
“I feel and I have felt during the whole of my public life that what we need, what any nation needs, is nothing else and nothing less than character building.”
And on his relationship with himself: “I had long since taught myself to follow the inner voice. I delighted in submitting to it. To act against it would be difficult and painful to me. For me, the reasoned course of action is held in check subject to the sanction of the inner voice.”
Gandhi 56
Gandhi finally wondered whether or not his work truly impacted people, but he had hope:
“Your beliefs become your thoughts, your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, your actions become your habits, your habits become your values, your values become your destiny.”
“A man is but the product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes.”
“The future depends on what you do today.”
Gandhi 57
A last word on fasting:
“A mind consciously unclean cannot be cleansed by fasting. Modifications in diet have no effect on it. The concupiscence of the mind cannot be rooted out except by intensive self-examination, surrender to God and, lastly, Grace.”
“There is an intimate connection between the mind and the body, and the carnal mind always lusts for delicacies and luxuries. To obviate this tendency dietetic restrictions and fasting would appear to be necessary. The carnal mind, instead of controlling the senses, becomes their slave, and therefore the body always needs clean non-stimulating foods and periodical fasting.”
Gandhi 58
Still, Gandhi knew how to love people, probably better than anyone in 2000 years.
Here are some of his random thoughts:
“I offer you peace. I offer you love. I offer you friendship. I see your beauty. I hear your need. I feel your feelings.”
“To give pleasure to a single heart by a single act is better than a thousand heads bowing in prayer.”
“Truth is one, paths are many.”
“Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.”
“A coward is incapable of exhibiting love; it is the prerogative of the brave.”
“..,his burning passion for self-realization. I saw later that this last was the only thing for which he lived.”
And finally, my personal favorite: “Service is the only thing worth doing...all else is rubbish.”
C1 Office...Synopsis
Mind is the principal thing...
Life without celibacy appears to me to be insipid and animal-like.
In brahmacharya lies the protection of the body, the mind and the soul.
Brahmacharya means literally conduct that leads one to "God". Its technical meaning is self-restraint, particularly mastery over the sexual organ.
For celibacy was now no process of hard penance, it was a matter of consolation and joy.
I, too, took the plunge-the vow to observe celibacy for life.
Let no one think that it is impossible because it is difficult. It is the highest goal, and it is no wonder that the highest effort should be necessary to attain it.
I think that it is the height of ignorance to believe that the sexual act is an independent function necessary like sleeping or eating.
Suffice it to say that with the gradual disappearance in me of the carnal appetite, my domestic life became and is becoming more and more peaceful, sweet, and happy.
I had not realized then how indispensable it was for self-realization, but I clearly saw that one aspiring to serve humanity with his whole soul could not do without it.
Every day I realize more and more that it is like walking on the sword's edge.
Every day revealed a fresh beauty in it.
I feel that the final resolution was the cumulative effect of those unsuccessful strivings.
I found that complete control of the palate made the observance of the vow very easy.
Fasting is as necessary as selection and restriction in diet.
The extinction of the sexual passion is as a rule impossible without fasting.
I shall content myself with merely declaring my firm conviction that , for the seeker who would live in the fear of God and would see him face to face, restraint in diet, both as to quantity and quality, is as essential as restraint in thought and speech.
My experience teaches me that, for those whose minds are working towards self-restraint, dietetic restrictions and fasting are very helpful. In fact, without their help, concupiscence cannot be completely rooted out of the mind.
Religion without sacrifice means nothing.
That renunciation was the highest form of religion appealed to me greatly.
Renunciation without aversion is not lasting.
I had made the religion of service my own, as I felt that "God" could be realized only through service.
Service which is rendered without joy helps neither the servant nor the served. But all other pleasures and possessions pale into nothingness before service which is rendered in a spirit of joy.
My uniform experience has convinced me that there is no other "God" than Truth.
A votary of truth is often obliged to grope in the dark.
B Office
C15 Office...Gandhi on Food
Food Prayer #1
Fasting is as necessary as selection and restriction in diet.
Food Prayer #2
The extinction of the sexual passion is as a rule impossible without fasting.
Food Prayer #3
I shall content myself with merely declaring my firm conviction that , for the seeker who would live in the fear of God and would see him face to face, restraint in diet, both as to quantity and quality, is as essential as restraint in thought and speech.
Food Prayer #4
My experience teaches me that, for those whose minds are working towards self-restraint, dietetic restrictions and fasting are very helpful. In fact, without their help, concupiscence cannot be completely rooted out of the mind.
Food Prayer #5
Eating for pleasure should never be indulged in. We should eat only in order that we may live, and should live only to realize the self.
Food Prayer #6
Those who make light of dietetic restrictions and fasting are as much in error as those who stake their all on them.
Food Prayer #7
At that time I did not understand, or nor did I believe in, the efficacy of fasting.
Food Prayer #8
The observance of celibacy has been found, from experience, to be extremely difficult so long as one is not acquired mastery over taste. Control of the palate has, therefore, been placed as a principle by itself.
Food Prayer #9
Control of the palate is very closely connected with the observance of celibacy. I have found from experience that the observance of celibacy becomes comparatively easy if one acquires mastery over the palate. This does not figure among the observances of time-honored recognition. Could it be because even the great sages found it difficult to achieve
Food Prayer #10
Six years of experiment showed me that the celibate's ideal food is fresh fruit and nuts.
Food Prayer #11
The immunity from passion that I enjoyed when I lived off this food was unknown to me after I changed that diet.
Food Prayer #12
Celibacy needed no effort on my part in South Africa when I lived on fruits and nuts alone. It has been a matter of very great effort ever since I began to take milk.
Food Prayer #13
I have not the least doubt that milk diet makes the celibacy vow difficult to observe. Let no one deduce from this that all celibates must give up milk.
Food Prayer #14
The effect on celibacy of different kinds of foods can be determined only after numerous experiments.
It is common knowledge that the senses are powerless without food, and so fasting undertaken with a view to control the senses is, I have no doubt, very helpful.
Food Prayer #15
Fasting is useful, when mind cooperates with starving body, that is to say, when it cultivates a distaste for the objects that are denied to the body.
Food Prayer #16
I therefore came to attach greater importance to fasting or having only one meal a day on holidays.
Food Prayer #17
Desiring to practice self restraint, for instance, was a regulation requiring the last meal to be finished before sunset.
Food Prayer #18
I had deduced that a celibate benefited from a saltless diet.
Food Prayer #19
Raw groundnuts, bananas, dates, lemons, and olive oil composed our usual diet.
Food Prayer #20
A mind consciously unclean cannot be cleansed by fasting. Modifications in diet have no effect on it.
The concupiscence of the mind cannot be rooted out except by intensive self-examination, surrender to God and, lastly, Grace.
Food Prayer #21
There is an intimate connection between the mind and the body, and the carnal mind always lusts for delicacies and luxuries. To obviate this tendency dietetic restrictions and fasting would appear to be necessary. The carnal mind, instead of controlling the senses, becomes their slave, and therefore the body always needs clean non-stimulating foods and periodical fasting.
Food Prayer #22
Those who make light of dietetic restrictions and fasting are as much in error as those who stake their all on them.
Food Prayer #23
At that time I did not understand, or nor did I believe in, the efficacy of fasting.
Food Prayer #24
But I know that it does not necessarily follow that fasting and similar disciplines would have the same effect for all.
Food Prayer #25
In the time of the Prophet Mohammed, prayer, fasting and keeping awake at night were considered essential for subduing the senses.
To the Prophet, fasting brought happiness, for it was an occasion when he could live constantly in the presence of God.
Jesus did likewise. He lived in solitude, fasted for 40 days and subjected his body to the utmost mortification. Those who followed him taught the same thing. There has been a tradition of fasting and prayer in Europe right to the present day.
And then came Luther in Germany. He said that the others had misinterpreted the text, and their lives were all deception. The Protestants believed that there was nothing but hypocrisy in the Catholic practices, and so they destroyed the practice of fasting, a most potent means of realizing God.
Food Prayer #26
My experiments in dietetics are dear to me. They give me recreation and joy.
Food Prayer #27
My diet consisted, among other things, of ground nuts, ripe and unripe bananas, lemon, olive oil, tomatoes and grapes. I completely eschewed milk, cereal, pulses and other things.
Food Prayer #28
Groundnut butter or olive oil for the sake of fat…
Food Prayer #29
When a man starves his senses, the object of those senses disappear from him, but not the yearning for them. The yearning too departs when he beholds the Supreme.
Food Prayer #30
When we are fasting, our desire should be to see God. Our appetites stand in the way, and so we must weaken their hold on us.
Food Prayer #31
To see Him, one should completely conquer one's appetites.
Food Prayer #32
I wanted to improve and train my body.
Food Prayer #33
I believed then and I believe even now, that, no matter what amount of work one has, one should always find some time for exercise, just as one does for one's meals. It is in my humble opinion that, far from taking away from one's capacity for work, it adds to it.
Food Prayer #34
Today I know that physical training should have as much place in the curriculum as mental training.
Food Prayer #35
I had formed the habit of taking long walks, which still remains with me.
Food Prayer #36
This habit of long walks has kept me practically free of illness and has given me a fairly strong body.
Food Prayer #37
It was my desire to teach these little ones physical exercise and make them hardy.
Food Prayer #38
I must have taken about six dance lessons. But it was beyond me to achieve anything like rhythmic motion…