PoM 241
On Thursdays I get my need for creativity, my second highest need as a regular old human, met by playing weird music, that is very difficult to play.
My friend BB comes over after the noon PrayerCall and we play and record all day long, participate in two PrayerCalls, and then go listen to avant-garde classical music at a friend of mines on his eighth-of-a-million dollar stereo.
I didn’t even know, consciously, that I had a need for creativity until the last couple of years.
It is a need that everyone has to be a complete person…Who knew?
God, knew…that’s Who.
He built us all that way.
It can be anything. Anything that is creative…and not work:
Music
Painting
Cooking
Pottery
Making videos
Dance
Quilting
What is your way to be creative?
PoM 242
For David, my brother:
I want to say thank you for two things you did in my life:
When I was attacked physically by our neighborhood friends father, Harry Petit, you instantly jumped on his back and fought him fiercely.
When I produced the only record I ever made, you bought 50 copies.
I felt truly and deeply loved when you get those things.
Thank you, really thank you.
Your brother Steve
PoM 243
Of all the nearly 1000 feelings that are in the human body, the one that I dislike the most is the feeling of paranoia.
I felt that yesterday, when a very sweet, but very disorganized, girl came to rent my garage space.
My landlord and I are intensely antagonistic, and I feared that she might work for him.
But none of that was true.
FEAR = False evidence appearing real
FEAR = Face everything and recover
I was able to stop, get in touch with my terror, and calm myself…because I realized I was in the ACA part of my addiction.
No matter how far down the road you get… You’re only 3 feet from the ditch.
PoM 244
Back up plan:
If I lost my peace of mind, if I lost my creativity, if I lost my contentment.
If I were to lose my abstinence and get fat, and if I were to lose my sobriety and start masturbating…
I would go back to AA and help other alcoholics get well.
PoM 245
“Resentment is the number one offender”.
AA Big Book
What does a resentment look like?
“She’s prettier than me.”
“He’s got more money than me.”
“Her husband is more attentive than mine.”
“His wife is prettier than mine.”
“She is wearing the same dress I am wearing”
“He talked to him before he talked to me.”
This is the stuff that makes us drink? Really?
PoM 246
Step Six…”Were entirely ready to have God remove this defect of character.”
I am very confrontive when someone is in denial about addiction.
This includes religious addiction. But I noticed something today.
I have worked with religiously addicted Hindus, Muslims and Jews, as well as Christians.
While I am rigorous in my denial-busting of all religious addicts, I am less cautious about offending the Christians, than with other religions.
I wondered why that was and I found that it’s because, in America at least, they are by far the biggest religious group, whereas with a minority religious group I might be more careful, if not cautious.
I will still rigorously confront religious addiction…but I will use the same measured, compassionate force with big boys as the little guys.
My apologies…
PoM 247
I have watched over 50 movies of my favorite film director recently.
In one of his films the opening is very provocative. There is no nudity, but it is pretty racy.
I showed it to my wife and asked her what she thought.
She said “I don’t like”.
That is the kiss of death in any discussion we have in our house.
It’s not about right or wrong, good or bad… cause you can’t argue about what someone likes.
I do find it funny now that I can hear my wife and Gummy, in the kitchen, going back and forth:
“I like”
“I don’t like"
“I like"
“I don’t like”
The Child is Father to the Man…
PoM 248
God,
I am thankful for not drinking, not masturbating and not being fat.
That would be enough, really, but I also want throw in here that I really appreciate the opportunity to be chaste for a finite period…as spiritual extra credit.
PoM 249
At the noon Prayercall Meeting today Olafur called the AA 12X12 Step 11 reading.
There’s a beautiful paragraph there that says: “Always remember that meditation is intensely practical. Its first fruit is emotional balance.”
What a wonderful promise and guarantee that is.
Anytime I’m out of balance…I can stop and meditate.
I only had four hours sleep last night, but I had a seven hour musical day. I was so exhausted that I felt crazy.
Fortunately, my musical partner is a big believer in meditation and, in between musical takes, we would stop and meditate for 45 seconds.
And sure enough…The first fruit was emotional balance.
PoM 250
Praise God from whom all blessings flow.
Praise Him all creatures here below.
Praise Him above you Heavenly Host.
Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost.