Chastity Office #1

Surrendering sexual behaviors that cause “pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization” are the actions that define sexual sobriety.

But…to “Develop my character”, I must surrender objectification, fantasy and intrigue.

These three things define my “Sexual Character. 

Chastity Office #2

Intrigue is middle circle. It is a “Yellow light” that cautions me that I am headed for a “Red Light”.

I am clear that sexualizing conversations with a woman (I am a straight male) is middle circle.

But, just having proximity to certain people can be dicey.

I love what the Sexaholics say “If you don’t know whether or not what you are doing sexually is okay…just ask your wife."

Chastity Office #3

 “Repent and Live”.

What does that mean to me?

To let go of my sexual obsession and relax and have fun…just for today.

Chastity Office #4

When I am in withdrawal I remember I will feel:

  1. Washed out
  2. Like I’m gonna die
  3. Like the world is gonna end

And while I am feeling that way… try to be grateful that I am getting more sober.

Chastity Office #5

Chastity makes every other type of recovery look easy

It’s nice to experience what some of our hero’s experienced: Saint Augustine, Joan of Arc and Gandhi…

You don’t have to have that kind of spiritual talent to share a simple tool with them…Chastity, for just three hours at a time.

Chastity Office #6

What can I do to make Chastity more comfortable on top of the normal 12 step stuff: meetings, sponsorship, step-work, reading literature, prayer and meditation?

Exercise very hard, super clean food…have fun

Chastity Office #7

Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries!

Even if I am perfectly chaste that doesn’t mean that other people are sober in their respective diseases.

I need the social resilience that comes from chastity when I am around someone who is flaming in their addiction…

Chastity Office #8

It is my experience that the part of me that esteems myself is also the same part that intrigues, objectifies and fantasizes…and I can't do both things with that same part.

Therefore, lust (through intrigue, objectification, and fantasy) destroys my high self-esteem.

Chastity Office #9

Masturbation feels violent, vicious, ripping and tearing through my boundaries, extinguishing my self-esteem, self-drop-kicking myself into two days of depression...every single time.

Chastity Office #10

I surrender sex, love, romance and relationship, just for today.

I will use my sexual energy to serve others and take care of myself in an "enlightened self-interest" sort of way.

I will meditate and try to ascertain God's will for me.

I will not take myself too damned seriously.

Chastity Office #11

Chastity is happiness”.

If chosen, finite, chastity raises self-esteem in a sex addict more efficaciously than any other action, and it does...then chastity paves the way for the freedom to happiness.

Chastity Office #12

Fantasy is as instantaneous as objectification, but is more pernicious.

Why? Because every thought, image, feeling or memory of any female you have encountered is stored in your brain and can come to consciousness, unbidden, at any moment.

This is particularly tricky, because it appears sequentially,  as though it was in the natural course of the human thought process.

Recent, conservative estimates are that men think about sex 19 times a day.

Chastity Office #13

When you hear the terms objectification, fantasy and intrigue together you can get the impression that these behaviors are 1/3, 1/3 and 1/3, but this isn’t true.

Objectification is the thing that is most negatively impactful, in terms of bandwidth, in a sex addict's life, day in and day out.

Chastity Office #14

While objectification is more ubiquitous, intrigue is far more potent in throwing a sex addict out of equilibrium.

Why? Because a woman is making a direct, conscious effort to connect in a non-Platonic way.

It can trigger your love addiction…very easily.

Chastity Office #15

One of the great things about not objectifying, not intriguing and not fantasizing is that, since my mind is not locked up in it’s own selfishness, that I notice, not just my own feelings, but other people’s feelings.

This gives me social cues on how to respond.
Objectification, fantasy and intrigue have absolutely nothing to do with our physically acting out, but they are 98% of the illness.

Chastity Office #16

When I am free from objectification, fantasy and intrigue I notice I am free from something else…I am free of my pitiless, merciless self-demandingness.

When I am in Middle Circle I feel, within me, some shame...because I know I am doing something wrong.

Chastity Office #17

Outer Circle is critical to success in Chastity.

HP, You have given me a body to live in.

You have given me the gift of health.

Help me today to value, respect and honor that gift by taking care of my body, through some attention to strength, some to flexibility and some to cardio.

Help me to be moderate…but vigorous.

Chastity Office #18

What if you could really increase the vitality of your spiritual life by doing one simple thing?

Now, it won’t work, if your mind and heart are not in it, too.

Just try not being orgasmic for 60 days…and see what happens.

Chastity Office #19

Being chaste means no genital contact with oneself or others plus no intrigue, objectification or fantasy.

Mentally, though, it means asking God for help when you are powerless, but, also…committing to utilize your will when you are not powerless.

Chastity Office #20

Most all sex addicts are love addicts, too, and often feel isolated, separate, disconnected and alone.

What they don’t realize is that their own belief system is what is keeping women at arms length.

If you believe that it’s okay to have sex with anyone who is even remotely open to you in conversation, then a smart woman will “ghost” you.

On the other hand, if you have a belief system that says “There are no words that you can say, no action you can take, no feeling you can express, that would cause me to be sexual with you”, you’d be profoundly surprised how they react and you won’t have to be alone anymore…unless you choose to.

Chastity Office #21

Flirting is middle circle.

That’s where I present myself as funny, cute, adorable, sexy, brilliant and entertaining to a female.

I am saying “Pick me!”, “I am the one you should have sex with”.

You gotta do it, and do it well, if you want to successfully have sex with a female. 

But, there is nothing chaste about that…nothing.